C is for Codycat

Goodbye, Chicago

2011-05-25T22:12:00.002-06:00

In about two days, I'll be leaving Chicago for another adventure in Cincy/Covington, KY. KY will be the fourth state I've lived in, but since it's a stones throw from OH, it really doesn't count. I have mixed emotions about leaving a place I've called home for 7 years. Geez, has it really been that long? I only lasted in L.A for 5 and that seemed like an eternity. I find parallels between the two cities and my current mentality. I left L.A to run away from things. I met my first real boyfriend out there, then followed him to Chicago only to have that relationship go down in a ball of flames. I also decided L.A was too stressful, expensive, and that I'd accomplished everything I was going to out there. I was ready to shift gears, and those gears was towards a journalism career. I moved home for 8 months, which wouldn't have been so bad except for the constant brow beating between me and the boyfriend. Living at home gave me a chance to collect myself and move to a new city: Chicago. I never thought I'd last more than a couple of months in the Windy City. I actually planned on going to N.Y soon after the move but life has a funny way of not giving you what you want, or at least steering you in a completely different direction. 7 years ago if you told me I wouldn't end up in NY, I would've cried. Today, I'm glad I never made the move, but who knows. It could still happen. I think when you're in your 20s, there's a certain allure of the big city, which is why I was attracted to L.A then Chicago. But now I'm heading into my mid-30s and I gasp at the idea of continuing to live in an overpriced, overcrowded, overwhelming city. I want stability. I want a real home and I feel like I can't get that here. My current apartment is dirt cheap but I have no amenities. I don't own a couch or a bed and there isn't a dishwasher or central air or laundry in this building. There are bugs. Flying and crawling ones that I can't get rid of. I'm tired of living like a college kid. I need a place where I won't be embarrassed to invite people over. I need to be an adult, and it's quite difficult to be an adult in a city where if you don't make oodles of money, you can't afford to live like one. Sure, there are things I'll miss about Chi-town. I'll miss the free public pools, the lakefront, my few friends, the skyline, music venues and shows galore and saying I live in Chicago because that sounds better than saying you live in KY. I won't miss the high taxes and the cold weather and all the people and the sports teams and the neighbor upstairs who won't quit stomping around and I won't miss the winters or the overabundance of sushi restaurants or the overwhelming feelings I constantly have. I could go on but I'm being negative. No matter what, the music scene and John Hughes will always epitomize the city for me (heck, I've even been on the unofficial John Hughes tour). When I moved to Chicago almost exactly 7 years ago, I moved here on a whim with a boyfriend. He had told his family we were moving up here before he even told me. Bad sign. I didn't get a say in the place we lived. I didn't get a say in much. I just was a hanger-on. We lived in a studio (!) apt. It was very small and cramped and wasn't designed for two people to live together. A few months into it, we broke up. It was horrible. I was homeless the first of two times. Yes, I was "homeless" twice. I never was homeless in L.A or OH. A lot of horrible things happened to me while living in Chicago (like losing my dad and being so poor I had to pay a cover with change), but I like to think it helped me build character and become independent. Living in L.A, I was also forced to be independent and not rely on others. After the breakup, I could've easily moved back to OH, but I decided to stick it out. I had a couple of jobs. I didn't like them but they paid the bills. Then I really started writing. I wrote a lot for various local and national publications. I found my voice, so to speak. I became a real journalist. I started going to concerts. I interviewed bands. I went to Sundance. I became that kid from the movie Almost Famous. It was amazing. Between 2006-2008, I was single. It pretty much sucked. I met a lot of interesting men, but they all turned out to be duds in their own way. I quickly realized I wasn't good at being single. Then one spring day four years ago I met someone who changed my life. He was good. Really good. And we became good friends. Then we became more than friends. And now we're moving to KY together. I guess that saying about one door closing and another one opening rings true -- it's like I lost the first boyfriend but then I gained another, better one. It's almost like he was the reason for me to move here. If I hadn't, maybe I never would've met him. Let's just hope things won't go awry for us once we move to a new place. I'm scared to move but also excited. I haven't moved in three years, which has been kind of nice. I really hate moving but at least I won't have to do it alone like I did when I left L.A. I know this won't be the end with my relationship with Chicago. I know I'll be back. I'll miss my friends but I don't see most of them on a regular basis, anyway. I've seen a lot of good friends come and go, which has been pretty hard, especially when you feel like they're leaving you behind. I've always felt Chicago was a transient city, where people come for a short while then move on. It seems like it's a mandatory destination for a lot of people, especially creative ones. There have been so many actors who've lived in Chicago before they springboarded into something better. I'm hoping that holds true for me. I also was thinking how there really aren't places I'll want to return to when I visit the city. It's not like I have my fave bar or restaurant. I think the only things I'll ever want to do are return to the music venues I once frequented, but the way things are going, I may phase out concerts completely. I'll have to find a new career in KY. Maybe I'll keep writing about the same things or maybe I'll venture into something else. What I really want to do is write that book, which maybe I'll finally get around to doing soon. I know people think it's weird why I want to leave Chicago, but I have my reasons. There are hills in Cincy/KY! Rolling hills. There's a lookout where you can see the entire city from a park! Food trucks are legal! And so is happy hour. Chicago is the only major U.S city that doesn't allow happy hour. WTF? Living there won't be a permanent thing (I think), it's just a brief stop along the way to something else. I miss my family a lot. They're getting older and I need to be closer to them. I need to take my nephew to Kings Island. I need him to come visit me for the weekend. I need to go to Cedar Point. I need to go back to Athens, OH. I desperately need to get a cat because the kitty I brought from L.A passed away recently and that confirmed to me my childhood is really over. I need to fill that void with another kitty. I also need to figure out a way to become rich because I'm sick of not being rich or just scrapping by.

But where do I go from here? Up I hope. I need to find a part-time job in my new city. I need to make more money. I'm looking forward to decorating my own goddamn home to my liking. This will be the first time since college I get to live in my own home that I picked out that wasn't previously inhabited with a roommate/stranger. When I move in, the place will be completely empty, and I'm looking forward to that. Finally, a real home. This also will be the first time I've lived within driving distance of my mom. Before, I've lived way to far away to make a day trip or I've lived with her under the same roof. I'll be far enough to have my own life but close enough to pop in for dinner. And to me, that sounds pretty great.

Closed for the Summer

2009-08-01T08:27:00.002-06:00

Seeing as I haven't updated this thing in a couple of weeks and seeing I have no intention to, now would be a good time to mention my hiatus from this blog. I've been steadily ranting and raving for the past 2 1/2 years, but I just don't have it in me anymore. That's not to say I don't have things to rant about, it's just that I really think I should keep certain things to myself. I've had to learn this the hard way of the past couple of years. So, from now on, if you want to know what I've been up, contact me the old fashioned way: send me a message. Yup, it's that easy. Hope everyone's summer is going well. I can't believe it's August already! So much to do, so little time. Maybe I'll eventually return to this format, but for now, happy trails fellow readers (those of you who still frequently read my dribble).

Saugatuck, MI

2009-07-13T23:38:00.006-06:00

From Sunday afternoon to Monday afternoon, the boyfriend and I spent some quality beach time in Saugatuck, MI. It was about a 2 1/2 hour drive from Chicago. The weather was simply great -- low 80s and lots of sunshine. Saugatuck is definitely a summer beach town, the kind of place either the affluent own a home or visit for a few days. Of course I don't fall into either category, but I can at least pretend. It's really the closet thing I'll get to a real beach in the mundanity of the Midwest. Whereas Chicago's lakefront is littered with lifeguards and tourists, Saugatuck (or the nearby town of Douglas where we actually stayed)is isolated, lifeguardless, and quaint. You don't have to pay for parking, and the beach is pretty close by. The town has a lot of family and retired people there. We stayed at a bed and breakfast a block from the beach. This was my first bed and breakfast experience, and I found it to be a good one. The innkeeper and his wife were personable and told us what sites to see. They had a nice breakfast waiting for us in the morning. I wonder what it's like to have to cook breakfast for complete strangers every morning. What if one day you woke up and didn't feel like cooking? Could you get away with just setting out a box of cereal and store bought donuts? Probably not. The boyfriend and I joked we would be the anti-friendly bed and breakfast kind of people. Being rude and anti-social would be our shtick. The b&b even had a private pool out back with a cool ocean reef mural painted on the bottom.

After we checked in on Sunday, we headed straight for the beach. There were a lot of people there, but it wasn't overcrowded. The water was surprisingly warm. In the past few days, I've become fascinated with surfing. I lived in L.A for five years, but for some reason never considered surfing (I did own a boogie board and would occasionally use it). I think my new obsession stems from having just watched the classic, 1960s surf movie The Endless Summer (where two young surfers embark on a surfing adventure around the world). I also just read that you can surf Lake Michigan in Chicago in a couple of spots, but if you really want to learn how to surf in the Midwest, you can take lessons at a surf shop in MI. I figure, why not learn how to surf on the Lake? In MI, I saw kids with boogie boards and some guy do some sort of shore surfing. I have no idea what that's called. After we were done splashing in the water, we cleaned up and went to dinner at a nice French restaurant. The food in town was good with a lot of diversity, but I found the clothing shops to be rather lame.

One thing about transitioning from the big city to a small town is everything becomes rather quiet. Almost too quiet to the point you can actually hear crickets. I like the tranquility a beach town brings, but I think after a few days, I'd get really bored and anxious. I do love the idea of renting a beach house for the summer, maybe somewhere on the East Coast, but I would need to be somewhere with an active nightlife like in the Hamptons. Despite the lack of nightlife (then again, I was there on a Sunday not a proper weekend), I consider Saugatuck to be the Midwest's version of the Hamptons (we even spotted a Ferrari, a Bentley, and a Rolls Royce in MI)or the Midwest's version of Laguna Beach (there are a ton of art galleries in the town).

On Monday, we got up just before breakfast ended, ate, and then immediately hit the beach again. Since it was a weekday, the beach and town were less crowded than the day before. I ventured out pretty far into the lake to the point where the boyfriend felt the need to monitor me. Good thing he's a trained SCUBA diver. One nice thing about swimming in freshwater is you don't have to deal with your eyes burning from salt water or the danger of getting eaten by a shark. This lack of worry is fine, but I think I prefer the peril and smell of the ocean. After swimming, we went into town and had lunch at a bar and grill. Then we walked around the town some more, then we went back to the beach one last time.

I think being in Saugatuck made time stop for a day. I feel like I've been gone for days. Hopefully we can go back there before the end of summer and have more beach time. But, now I have stuff to do this week, especially in preparing for the big Pitchfork weekend ahead. Maybe someday I'll be able to retire on the beach, but until then, I can cherish brief summer respites in Saugatuck.

Festivals Galore

2009-07-10T15:37:00.002-06:00

This time next week, I'll be embedded in the mayhem known at Pitchfork Fest. Last year I didn't go at all, so this year I'm making up for it by doing double duty. I'm helping Saucony out for a few hours each day, then I'm making use of my press pass. It's going to be a looonng weekend, but hopefully a lot of fun. I'll need to take a lot of photos, shoot some videos, and try to interview bands all the while trying to keep my wits (and sunscreen) about me. Then of course I'll have to quickly turn everything into some awesome blog posts. That'll be the challenge, but I'm always up for a challenge. I know by the end of the weekend I'll be pretty exhausted and sunburnt, but I think it'll be worth it. I'm still waiting to see if I'm getting a press pass to Lolla. That'll be the ultimate reward and yet another exhausting good time. I'm also getting two press passes to that festival in Portland I mentioned in my last post. The boyfriend is going to my "photographer." We have yet to book the trip, so I really want to do that soon.

I feel like I get to do a lot of cool things through my writing, but the downside is, I'm not making a lot of money through it. That's why I have to pick up gigs like working for Saucony and the t-shirt company to help pay my bills. The thing is, I'm not in it for the money, per se. I just love being able to cover cool events and then write about them. I keep hoping I can take my clips and use them to build more clout for myself. Inevitably, I'd love to have more high profile gigs and get paid a shitload for them, but we're also in a recession and most publications can't afford to pay a lot. I'm trying to hit up the New York Times about writing for them. The boyfriend's cousin works for them and provided me with a contact. We'll see what happens. The other night the boyfriend mentioned I should do something with all of the interviews I've done over the years. I have probably written over 100 articles on various bands from all over the world, artists, people, etc over the past five years. I keep thinking I should turn them into a book or at least integrate them into that book I've been supposedly writing for the past four years. But, I don't have any contacts with publishers and thus don't want to go through this whole thing and have it not get published, yunno? Or maybe I should just do it for myself, just to have a huge portfolio to sift through. Either way, I've definitely accomplished a lot with my writing, but sadly, I could always accomplish so much more.

Besides the constant flow of writing, I'm still trying to get Myopenbar off the ground. We're still trying to throw parties to no avail. We have three business partners now who I think can help us throw some cool parties. I just like the idea of saying "business partners." It's been harder to get liquor sponsorship than I thought, but there's definitely a lot of interest. It's nice to know we have fans and that there are a lot of people willing to work for us.

Sunday morning, the boyfriend and I are driving up to Saugatuck, MI for the night. I've never really been to MI (unless you count the time I drove through Detroit 10 years ago), so I'm looking forward to it. We're staying one night at a bed and breakfast located near the lake. I'm hoping for some quality beach time. Tonight I'm going to an open bar thing where one of the NY Housewives will be making an appearance, and then I'm off to a friend's b-day party. The weather here continues to be so erratic. It'll either be cold one day, then rain the next. This is seriously cutting into my pool/sunbathing time! Speaking of pools, I wanted to start swimming laps, but then I found out it costs $22 for the adult lap session at the public pool. Screw that! I wish I had my own private pool to do laps in. Oh well. I've decided to stick to jogging for the meantime. I really want to get into shape.

News of the Strange

2009-06-26T01:17:00.003-06:00

This week has been one of the strangest in recent memory. Like I expected, the weather jumped from spring-y to blazing hot. It's been well into the '90s here with humidity added for extra scorch. I wouldn't mind it so much except I don't have central air in my apartment. This is the first place I've lived (besides a college dorm) that doesn't have central air. We installed a couple of a/c units in the windows, but the other night one of them blew out a circuit. My apartment is weird in that the circuit box is locked away somewhere in the basement and the landlady only has access to it. So, this involved braving the dark and contacting the landlady in the morning. So now we're only using one a/c, which means only one room in the house is cool.

I worked a little this week at the t-shirt place. It's fine and everything, but they kept cutting our hours. Yesterday I worked for two hours and then they set us home. Apparently all of us are working too fast and are getting the work done much quicker than anticipated. Yeah, that's good, but then that means I don't get paid. I guess I shouldn't complain much since it frees my day up a little more. On the days I'm free, I've been trying to hit the pool. The only thing is there's a Pool Nazi. He controls who can and can't have entrance to the pool. He'll tell people it's at capacity when it's clearly not. After making me wait outside the gate for a few minutes, he finally let me in. Going to the pool enables me to get a tan and get some reading done. I've really been trying to read more, but it's hard for me to concentrate sometimes.

To make things even weirder, I'm stunned about Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. I really can't believe MJ is gone. It seems so surreal. I wasn't his biggest fan or anything, but it still saddens me. It's like a chunk of my childhood just died. He was an icon, a musical genius (albeit sorta strange). It's tragic he never got that comeback he was due for. I'm astounded at how much social media has been all over these news items. People on Facebook and Twitter keep posting links to MJ's videos and such. It's getting to the point where if someone posts a non-MJ item, I get irritated because I think everyone should be discussing what happened, not something unrelated.

This week has seen a plethora of open bars. There were like three last night and at least two tonight. It's definitely open bar season. I went to a 3-hour whiskey event last night. Tonight I went to a Red Stripe event. The cool thing was I walked away with free t-shirts and other swag. I finally scored some free t-shirts from work, too. Now I have t-shirts galore! And all for free.

I also scored a gig working Pitchfork. I'm going to help Saucony with some fun stuff. I think I'm also getting a press pass for the fest, so it'll be a busy weekend. I'm beginning to think we're never going to be able to throw parties with Myopenbar. Things keep falling through. It's been much harder to get a liquor sponsor and things keep getting delayed. I'm still trying, though.

This weekend I think I'm going to see Vanilla Ice in concert. For real. He's performing at a bar for only $5! I have to experience the train wreck first hand. I'm also seriously considering going to Portland in Sept. for my b-day and a big music fest. I also need to make definite plans to go to MI for a weekend soon. Until I have to really work again, I think I'm just going to read, go to the pool, write, jog, watch movies, go to shows, and attempt to get things done.

Summers in Chicago

2009-06-18T23:27:00.005-06:00

Tonight, I went on what I call a booze cruise around the lakefront. For $25, you get unlimited cocktails, food, and beautiful water scenery. Luckily the rain staved off and it ended up being a warm, summer night. Up until tonight, it didn't feel like summer. It's been rainy and cold here, but summer finally popped tonight. Close to where the cruise was, the red carpet premiere of the Johnny Depp film Public Enemies was being held. It made me think of all the times I'd run into movie premieres in L.A. I guess I wasn't too impressed with the Enemies premiere going on, but we rarely see those in Chicago.

Today I was writing a "where are they now?" piece for the year 1999 and it made me a little nostalgic. During that summer, I was living in L.A. I'd just finished up an internship, was taking summer school, and couldn't find a job to save my life. Despite the frustrations and depression I suffered, I had a lot of fun hanging out with my friends. But, that was ages ago. 10 years, in fact.

This is my sixth summer in Chicago. I never thought I'd live through one of them, let alone six of them. Chicago is so alive in the summer, it almost makes up for the harsh winters. Being on the lake tonight reminded me how beautiful the city can truly be.

Summmer of 2004
I had just moved to Chicago in June. I moved here with the ex-boyfriend and I didn't know a soul. He was busy working all the time, so I spent most of my afternoons discovering the city and writing. The city was so new to me and at times felt overwhelming. It took me a long time to get acclimated to the city and to make friends. In July, I interviewed my first band, Black Dice. I saw Animal Collective open for them at the Empty Bottle (Animal Collective has become so huge. It was then I realized I could see shows for free.

Summer of 2005
Unbeknownst to me at the time, this would become a life-changing summer. At the beginning of the summer, I decided to change jobs. I quit the only salaried and benefitted job I'd ever had to work for a dot.com company. I felt the need to be in a less suppressive environment and around people my own age. It was at this company when I started to make more friends. That summer, the ex-boyfriend and I were going through a rough patch, so we spent a lot of time trying to make our relationship work. Even though I was living with a 40-year-old lesbian, living "on my own" enabled me to work through some of my issues. By the end of the summer, the ex and I got back together, but the ramifications had become too great.

Summer of 2006
This was my first official summer in being single in the city. I'd scored an internship with The Onion and somehow managed to get on unemployment. I begrudgingly moved back in with the lesbian, but I hated living there so much that I spent hours wandering around the city just to avoid her. It's strange to think I lived without a computer and internet. I don't think I could manage to live like that ever again. Once again, my time alone was good for soul searching. I'd go to the beach and sit there staring at the water while listening to my Ipod. For some reason, I didn't have a lot of people to hang out with that summer. In August, I went to my first Lolla ever. Of course that entailed forging my own wristband to gain free entry. Lolla simply blew my mind. The beginning of summer began with the death of a relationship and ended with the death of my father.

Summer of 2007
Two summers ago was probably the most active summer I can recall. I was pretty much unemployed until July when I started working a two month temp job. In August, I started interning at TOC. But in between my work days, I went to my fair share of open bars and parties. I hung out with my friend Theresa a lot. We saw each other practically day and joked that even spending a day a part was too long. That summer, there wasn't a dearth of boys. I found myself entangled in some complicated situations that became quite amusing to me. Once again, I acquired free entry to Lolla and had a blast.

Summer of 2008
Last summer was the first summer the boyfriend and I were an official couple. I suppose it was inevitable we'd get together considering the first time we ever kissed was during a drunken night in July '07. My internship ended last July and a couple of weeks after, I started the same temp job I had the previous summer. Funny how things don't really change much. I spent most of the summer going to concerts and developing a relationship with the boyfriend. In August, I subletted a high rise in the South Loop with an amazing view. The place turned out to be very convenient to attend Lolla. In September, I moved into my current place. Once again, I went to Lolla for free, but this time I got paid to work there. At the end of the summer, a good friend moved away with another one following a few weeks after.

Summer of 2009
This will be my first summer without a couple of good friends living in the city. Somehow their absence has left an unfillable social void. The other day, I realized I've never been on a serious summer vacation. Sure, I've traveled the Midwest and East Coast during the summer months, but I've never taken a long vacation in the summer. This depresses me, so I'm hoping this summer I can change this. I've never been to the Pacific NW, and for some reason Portland seems like a cool destination. We'll see if that trip materializes. I want to go to MI, the Dunes, and so many other places. I want to work (I'm back at the t-shirt place next week) and write and get a tan and just enjoy the city I live in. And of course gain free admission to Lolla.

Work-a-Day

2009-06-08T19:26:00.003-06:00

In the past week, I've been working non-stop. I go to work, but when I come home, I usually have writing to do. The work load never seems to end. Getting up at 6am has been pretty rough, but I've found myself being more productive. I get off work at 3pm, but instead of coming home and crashing, I try to stay awake and get things done. It's amazing the things you can accomplish if you wake up before noon every day! I had to work yesterday and I am guaranteed work until Wednesday, then who knows what. The job has been fairly easy, but takes some concentration. Basically what I do all day is fill t-shirts orders that are shipped all over the world. I'm always amazed how many shirts are being shipped to Australia, New Zealand, and Singapore. How do these countries know about the company? I'm on my feet all day constantly walking around. Sometimes I get to pack the orders, which at least lets me be stationary. The job is exhausting, but it's much better than being chained to a computer all day, and I suppose I'm getting good exercise. I can wear whatever I want to work. They blast decent music all day long. Everyone I work with is either in a band or looks like they should be in a band. I think this job is more tolerable than a lot of gigs I've had, but I don't think I could work the early morning shift full-time. I do hope they'll continue to need me after Weds, even if it's just periodically. If not, it might be time to hit the pool and/or beach and start working on my tan. At least I have that to fall back on. I also hope I can get some free shirts out of the deal. I guess anyone can design and submit a shirt. If they accept it, you get $2,000! If your shirt is voted the best of the year, they give you $20,000! Maybe I should start designing shirts. All day long I rack my brain trying to think of cleaver ideas, but nothing has come to me yet. I know I'll never get around to doing it, though.

On Saturday, I went to see a play called "Rock 'n' Roll" written by Tom Stoppard. It was about how Communism took over the Czech Republic in the '60s and how the main character was censored for his love of rock music. I learned a lot about world history through it. I had no idea events like Prague Spring took place. I thought the play was pretty good. It even had a rock-centric soundtrack. I kept thinking how music today isn't rebellious the way it was back in the '60s or '70s. Punk music was pretty radical, but nowadays, people don't protest anything. Everyone plays it safe and I don't know why this is. Have people just run out of things to say? It's a shame, really. Later that night, I went to an air guitar competition. Yes, this is a real thing, and it was pretty awesome: guys dressed in silly costumes performing to rock songs onstage...um, yeah. It was like "American Idol" except a lot more vulgar. I have a friend who is a national air guitar champion, so that's how I kinda got into it. This was the first time I'd ever seen it live. The national champion gets to go all the way to Finland to compete, so it's serious business.

Last week, myself and some of the other Myopenbar staffers meet with a couple of event promoters who we might throw parties with. I really hope it works out. They're already throwing a bunch of events around town and seem to know what they're doing. Now if only we could secure a liquor sponsorship and some definite ideas, we'll be golden. It's just a matter of wait and see what happens, but I'm confident this will be the beginning of a fruitful friendship. I'm not giving up on this yet.

Capital City

2009-06-01T20:55:00.003-06:00

Over the weekend, I went to D.C/Maryland to see an old college friend and to attend a wedding. This was my first visit back to the capital in about 2 years. It really didn't seem like I had been away for so long. The boyfriend and I arrived on Saturday afternoon. We flew on one of those tiny jets, and the low-pressure made my head tingle and really upset my stomach. I may have to resort to some Dramamine the next time I fly. It was a sticky, sunny and warm late spring day, much warmer than the weather we'd been experiencing in Chicago. The first thing we did after my friend picked us up was eat pizza at a nearby pizza place. The lunch was good and we all traded dating horror stories. My friend lives in a really nice condo in a questionable part of town. It's centrally located to the Capital and all of that touristy stuff, but if you walk a block down the street, you're in the ghetto. We even saw someone near her place getting arrested. Nice. Later that night, we drove to Baltimore for dinner. The boyfriend had never been there. This was my second or third visit there, but the first since I was like 18 yrs old. I immediately texted a friend who grew up there to see if she had any ideas of cool places to go. Baltimore reminds me of the South Side of Chicago, except with better venues. There seemed to be some cool places in the arty district, but the city itself looked kinda grimy. We picked up her friend and went to dinner at a restaurant known for their crabcakes. Those were probably the most authentic crabcakes I ever had as they were made from large chunks of fresh crab. The dinner came with a lot of food, so we were pretty stuffed. It was pretty late at this point, so we drove back to D.C and went to sleep.

Saturday morning we woke up and went to a great Belgium brunch place down the street. They had celery foam Bloody Marys! And a lot of egg dishes. The entire meal was good, but once again, we were stuffed. The main reason we went to D.C was for the boyfriend's friend's wedding being held in Bethesda, MD. We got all dressed up and went to the wedding at the groom's parents' house. Their house was probably one of the biggest, and nicest I'd ever seen, easily costing over $2 million. Their entire backyard was a garden. I was seriously impressed. I'd never met either the bride or groom, but later on discovered the bride was also from Ohio and had attended the same college I did in Ohio. Small world! This was my first Jewish wedding, and first wedding at someone's house. I'd describe the wedding as both traditional and nontraditional. As the bridal party marched down the aisle, an orchestra version of a popular Journey song played (nontraditional). After the ceremony, they had a cocktail reception with hors d'oeuvres. Instead of having dinner first, they started the dancing before dinner then served dinner which consisted of crab, salad, fried chicken, burgers, fries, milkshakes and corn fritters. And instead of having a typical wedding cake, they had cupcakes instead. They had a well-stocked bar and even a keg. Yes, a keg. That's what I meant by "nontraditional." I think if I ever get married, I'm going to have a very nontraditional wedding. There will be a tater tot bar with toppings and an indie rock band. The evening ended a few hours later, and the boyfriend and I managed to find our way back to my friend's place.

This morning, we realized our flight was leaving earlier than expected. I suppose we should've checked what time our flight was actually leaving instead of assuming. Luckily, we made it to the airport in time. One thing I really like about D.C is their Metro. It runs smoothly, always on time, never any construction, etc, unlike Chicago's transit system. Chicago should take a cue from them. I always have fun in D.C, but like every trip, it's never enough time. I've seen most of the touristy stuff, but would like to go back and spend more time wandering around the Mall, check out some of the music venues, etc. It was really good to see my friend and to attend the wedding. I missed a pretty cool music fest over the weekend, but the trip definitely was worth it. There are always so many people to visit, but not enough time. Hopefully another 2 years won't pass by until I get out there again. Now I just need to visit friends in L.A, N.Y, Nashville, KY, etc.

Tomorrow morning, I start that temp job. I'm not looking forward to getting up at 6am. Not one bit. My former roommate finally moved all his stuff out. Now we don't have a couch or chairs, but there's a lot more space now. The boyfriend finally has what he's calling a study. As of right now, I don't have any other travel plans set for the summer. Festival season is in full gear, so maybe I should concentrate on that for a while and just enjoying Chicago's summer. Well, at least until my wanderlust kicks in again.

Memory Lane

2009-05-25T23:41:00.004-06:00

Over the weekend, I went home to OH. My mom sold my childhood home and wanted me to take a bunch of my stuff back to Chicago. I really hate the idea of owning a lot of stuff, so that's why it's been nice to have stored it in her house. I much rather live like a gypsy than own furniture and stuff. I went home and rummaged through 31 years of memories. I kept asking myself why I kept some of my crap for so long. I guess the older I get, the more I want to shed my material possessions. Less is better. But I worry someday I'll regret tossing out some of my treasures. It's interesting to see how much I've changed in the past few years. I ended up throwing away all of my old movie posters. I guess I thought one day I'd frame them and hang them up in my mansion, but that's never going to happen. Besides, I don't really need an American Pie poster anymore. I used to be such a pack rat. I found about a hundred greeting cards I'd received over the years, including one from my orthodontist. I mean, why did I save that? It made me really sad to go through all of my old stuff, especially sifting through letters my dad wrote me and pictures I took on vacation. I have boxes of photos of cats and California. It's weird to think most of my adolescence was spent with kitties and on the ocean but now both are seriously lacking from my life (sure, I live within mile of a lake, but that's so different than an ocean). I'm just amazed how fast time goes. It seems like yesterday I was living in L.A or in high school. Now it's been exactly five years since I moved to Chicago. I never imagined I'd last this long and I keep wondering how much longer I'll stay here. Someday when I'm bored, I'd love to scan some of my old photos and post them on Facebook. A lot of my old friends are on there, so it'd be fun to mortify them. I also found old drawings, paintings and scripts of mine. Why don't I ever draw anymore? I was pretty good. I guess when you reach a certain age, you out grow some things.

At least it's finally summer. I want to make the most of it. There's so many things/places I want to do, I don't know where to start. I want to go to the beach, the pool, The Modern Wing, MI for a weekend, the Dunes, NY, CA, KY, Nashville, see movies and bands in the park, go to Pitchfork Fest and Lolla, drink cocktails al fresco, read books, write short stories etc, etc. I hope I at least accomplish some of these activities.

Last week I was inundated with a big project. I had to write 50, 180 character blurbs about various bars and restaurants in Chicago. It was harder than I thought, especially since I'd never been to most of the places I had to write about. But, it was a good challenge and education for me, and I'll get paid for it. I also got that warehouse job, so I'm starting it in a week. Unfortunately my shift starts at 7am, so that's going to be a little rough on me. Hopefully it'll be something cool and tolerable.

I was thinking today how I'm probably going to be a wayward soul for the rest of my life. I can see myself just drifting from job to job, gig to gig the rest of my life, never finding a permanent, stable job. And you know what? I'm okay with that -- just as long as I can get by. It sure beats the alternative. Maybe I'm just not cut out for a lot of stability. In the past, the universe has forced me to live my life on a whim. This taught me that I can't always be in control. Of course I'd much rather know what's going to happen in the future, I also know whatever comes my way, I'll be able to adapt quickly. I think I'm destined to be a free spirit/non-conformist for a while longer.

Manic Monday

2009-05-18T22:22:00.002-06:00

For a Monday, today was a little hectic as I had to juggle a lot of different things. I interviewed for a job to be a warehouse temp for a prominent local t-shirt company. I know working in a warehouse doesn't sound exciting, but it's not your typical warehouse. I'd never seen so many t-shirts in one place. I like t-shirts, so it was like being in a candy store. The office is one of the coolest I've ever seen. It's adorned with video game machines, a ping pong table, and art graffiti on the walls. It'd be a very laid back environment to work in (meaning I could wear ripped jeans to work). Unfortunately the position would only last 2 weeks, but it's better than nothing. I have to pass a background check before they'd consider me. Background checks always make me nervous. I don't have a criminal history, but my credit isn't in the best shape. That shouldn't matter just for a temp job, should it? Anyway, I hope I get the job, even if it's fleeting.

After my brief interview, I rushed home to do a phone interview with my fave band at the moment, Phoenix. They are based in Paris, so I got patched in to them. The guy I interviewed had a thick, French accent, so I couldn't decipher everything he said. I'm very excited to see them next month in concert. They even played "SNL" a couple of months ago, so now I can say I interviewed a "SNL" band.

I'm still trying to get a Myopenbar party together to no avail. We've been talking to some liquor companies in giving us money to throw parties for them. I think this is the only way to do it. I feel like we're on the cusp of getting things together, but we're not quite there yet. There's a lot of interest, it's just nothing has been confirmed yet. I wish it was easier. In the meantime, we march ahead.

Yesterday I signed a year lease on my apartment. I've been subletting since September, so now it's official. This is the first time my name, and my name only, has been on a lease. It feels pretty good to finally say I have my own place. Of course the boyfriend is paying half the rent and such, so it's just not me. My mom informed me today that she finally sold my childhood home that's been on the market for almost a year. She wants me to come home and take some of my furniture back to Chicago. This would entail renting a U-haul in Ohio and driving the stuff back to Chicago, something I don't particularly want to do. I just don't like the idea of owning anything that doesn't fit into my car. I think I'm so used to not owning much, that the idea of owning stuff freaks me out. Then again, I have to grow up sometime. Hopefully all will go well with the apartment. If so, this will be the first time since I moved to Chicago five years ago that I haven't moved every year.

Last week, the boyfriend and I attended the Grand Tour wine event encompassing over 100 samples of wine. I'd never seen anything like it. There were two floors of wine from all over the world. Some of the wine we tasted cost over $500 a bottle. We of course got free tickets, so the event was worth it. After drinking all that wine, I didn't feel so hot the next day. On Sunday, the boyfriend and I went down to Hyde Park to walk around. He showed me his old college haunts and an amazing view of downtown from the vantage of the lake. Sometimes I forget how beautiful the city looks.

I have a feeling the rest of the week might be a bit busy, too. I have writing to do and some events to go to. I'm looking forward to the long weekend ahead, and my neighborhood pool opening. I feel things could conceivably go my way with just a little push. I really hope things work out and fall into place soon because I've been waiting a long time for things to come together.

Summer is Coming

2009-05-11T01:09:00.002-06:00

It finally really feels like spring here except for the occasional chilly day. All the rain has helped trees and flowers to grow out of control. I know it's probably going to go from the 70s to sweltering hot in a matter of weeks.

I can't believe summer is right around the corner. I feel like there's so much I want to do. I want to go to the lake, the local pool, the Indiana Dunes, spend a weekend in Michigan at a beach, al fresco dine, go to the new Modern Wing, the Shedd Aquarium (which I have yet to do) and check out rooftop bars, and travel, etc, but there's just never enough time and money to keep up with everything. One of the advantages in living in a big city like Chicago is there's always something to do, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed with my options. Then again, I feel like that about everything in life: books, movies, social activities.

A few days ago, I saw Leonard Cohen in concert. I like some of his stuff, but I'm not quite the fan everyone else is. At 74, he put on a 3-hour show. His stamina was unbelievable. He's also the second oldest musician I've seen live next to Willie Nelson. I went to the show with the boyfriend, his mom, and her friend. This was probably the only time our musical tastes collided. The show was very civilized with our boxed seats. Of course the next night, I went to a concert at club where it was ridiculously hot and where the lead singer swilled beer into the audience. On Wednesday, we're going to this huge wine tasting. Tickets were $200/per person, but I was able to get them for free. $400 worth of free wine tickets! Amazing. First there was Whiskyfest, now this. I hope I don't die at the event.

In a couple weeks, I will have officially have lived in Chicago for five years. Five years! Where has the time gone? When I hit the five year mark in L.A, I moved away. I feel my time in Chicago might be waning. But, I sorta decided to leave L.A because I realized I was never going to accomplish what I wanted to and I had grown sick of it. With Chicago, I feel like I could continue here for a while longer, but I know eventually I will probably leave. I'm getting sick of the city. I'm sick of noisy neighbors, construction, and just the day to day stresses of life in the big city. I have no idea where I'd go or what I'd do, but that's something I need to figure out. I wish I could go somewhere for the entire summer, like rent a house on Martha's Vineyard or in the Hamptons. This has always been a fantasy of mine. I like the idea of going somewhere remote, where there's less stress and more time to relax, but at the same time, I'm afraid I'd get bored of the calmness.

Lately, I've been especially stressed about what to do with Myopenbar. The writers and I have been throwing some ideas around, but have yet to get anything off the ground. I do think we could be successful at throwing parties, it's just we don't know where to start. We all know a lot of people, so it shouldn't be too hard. Sometimes I think it's futile to keep this thing going, but I feel it's my duty to keep it going for the true fans out there and the people who actually use the service. We just need to steer it in the right direction somehow.

Tonight I finally watched the documentary Grey Gardens. It inspired a play and an HBO movie. Those woman were so eccentric yet interesting. I think my biggest fear is I'll end up like one of those crazy women: living in a dilapidated house, single, owning ten cats, and have nothing to talk about except stuff that happened 30 years ago. Please, oh please, don't let that happen to me.

Extinguishing Fires

2009-04-29T01:28:00.005-06:00

So far this week, things have been a bit stressful. On Monday, I got an email from my Myopenbar boss in NY asking if I'd start working for free. Apparently they just don't have the funds to keep paying all the branches anymore. I was a little upset about it and told them I don't work for free. Then today they hit me back saying what they really meant was they were closing all of the branches except for NY. Yes, Chicago MOB would no longer exist after Friday. I was really shocked and depressed about this. It came out of nowhere. I had no idea that was even an option. I began to think about Chicago without MOB. It's like Polaroid disappearing or your fave bar going out of business. So,I told them I'd like to keep running the branch for free and they said okay. The bad part is now I really need to find a day job. I'd been considering it for a while, but now I don't have a choice since I won't be getting paid anymore. Actually, it's never been about the money (although it's been a nice, motivating incentive). It's been about the camaraderie and getting paid in free booze. There's also a personal angle to keep MOB running. I've met some amazing people through it including the boyfriend. I'm just a sentimentalist at heart, really. At this point, I don't know where to take the site. I've always felt there's been a tremendous amount of potential for MOB to thrive in Chicago, it's just no one has really tried very hard. My writers and I have ideas floating around, but I have no idea how to execute them. I've mainly focused on the editorial side of things, but I do like the idea of getting more involved with advertising and promotion. We are facing a huge challenge to get the word out and keep the branch going, and in some ways, it's sorta liberating. I like the idea of molding the company into my own and steering it into the right direction. I don't know what plans NY has for us, so I'm hoping they'll let us do whatever we want. In some ways, I saved a company from doomsday today. Just doing my part in this recession, I guess. I haven't hit panic mode yet. Yet being the keyword.

For some reason, I really want to go to the Kentucky Derby this weekend. I've never thought about going before, so I'm not sure how it got into my head. I did grow up around horses. My mom bred horses and I rode until I graduated from high school. It's been ages since I've been to a horse show and a race track. I have a friend who lives in KY, so we could possibly stay with her. I have a feeling the fantasy is better than the reality. I like the idea of being surrounded by rich people wearing big hats, sipping mint juleps, and gambling, but I know there would be a lot of traffic and it's suppose to rain. If we don't go, there are plenty of bars in Chicago that are hosting Derby day events, so I can still drink juleps.I'm always so torn about plans. Last weekend I flirted with the idea of meeting up with the same friend in Indianapolis, but it just didn't happen. There are always a million of places/events I want to go, but I rarely do it all. So many things, so little time.

What I'm hoping is I can get some part-time or full-time job and just focus on putting my music blog together. There's so much live music every night of the week in this city that's not being covered. I want to be that person. I'm getting sick of going to well-know shows. I saw three shows last week, all of which were just okay, all of which were nationally known bands. I'm going to start thinking locally.

You can tell spring has finally arrived here. The grass is growing rapidly, flowers are blooming, and people are outside more. Of course it's been rainy and today it was cold again. I guess this is the best we're going to get until summer. Yesterday I jogged for the first time in months. I really want to get into shape. My legs are totally sore. I'm so out of shape. How sad.

For the past week, I've been totally immersed in the "Real Housewives of New York." I watched the first season and most of the second season. I usually try to avoid reality shows, but I got sucked into this one. The show proves how catty and sensitive women are. No one ever gets along. All of the "wives" summer in the Hamptons. I really want to visit there, even just for a day. The show also makes me want to be rich, but not buy any of the fashion these women wear. I have to go to the dentist on Friday. I haven't been in forever. I really hope I don't have any cavities. I hate the dentist.

So, that's been my life in a nutshell for the past week: putting out work-related fires, trying to get my music blog together, healthy doses of reality tv, pitching ideas to no avail, and being dragged to bars to watch the Bulls playoff games with the boyfriend. Yeah, never a dull moment.

Random Chicago

2009-04-20T00:11:00.004-06:00

It seems like I haven't blogged in a while. Honestly, I haven't felt much like it. Maybe I'm just getting bored talking about myself all the time. I always feel like everything could be so much better than it is. I want it to quit raining and I want things to function correctly and I just want things to be perfect, but they rarely are.

Spring has finally sorta sprung here. On Saturday, it was nice and warm for most of the day. Then of course it decided to rain. It rained for most of Sunday. In Chicago, we get one nice day followed by a crappy day. The past few days have reminded me how random Chicago truly is for me. I guess the probability of running into someone I know in the city is relatively high considering I know a lot of people and considering I hang out in places where these people also might hang out. A few nights ago, I ran into a couple of former co-workers I hadn't seen in maybe a couple of years. I was just thinking the other day why I never run into them. It goes to show you never know who'll see out and about. Friday night I went to a friend of a friend's to see a semi-famous local musician play in this person's living room. It was a cool experience. It definitely was something esoteric I will document in my upcoming music blog. Again, I ran into a couple of people I knew. The friend who invited me to the party believes she and I have some sort of cosmic connection. I think she might be right because we just reunited after having not seen each other in 11 years. The last time we saw each other was in L.A. The city is strange sometimes. Finally, I went to a cool, new bar last night and randomly ran into a couple of other people I knew. I know the chances are high to run into people, but really, the exact same time and place?

I'm glad it's getting warmer out, but with the warm weather, I start to feel overwhelmed. I feel like I should be taking advantage of the weather in the best ways possible, but at the same time, there's too much to do: festivals, jogging, reading books, the lake, al fresco dining, etc, etc. I don't know where to start. Soon summer will be here and that's brings other anxieties. I don't have any big trips planned for the summer. I want to do small trips to the Indiana Dunes and to a beach in MI, but I'd also love to take a week off and show the boyfriend all of CA. And of course go to Europe. I don't know if any of these things are going to happen. I am definitely going to DC at the end of May, so I have that to look forward to.

This week, I'm going to three concerts, three nights in a row. I need to start putting my music blog together. I need new clothes. There's always an endless amount of chores, self-improvement needs, restaurants to check out, movies to watch, and work on the horizon. And like I said before, things could always be better, but I suppose they could also be much worse.

Road to Nowhere or Somewhere?

2009-04-09T23:56:00.003-06:00

This week has been one of those weeks where everything has been much harder than it needs to be. What ever happened to things coming easy? I feel like I have to jump through a lot of hoops just to make anything happen. I feel like I'm always hustling. So, the other day, I was presented with a pretty cool job opportunity. I can't discuss too much about it, but basically I'm being forced to start my own music blog. I wouldn't necessarily use the word "forced," but if it weren't for this opportunity, I wouldn't be doing it. I actually considered starting a music blog a couple of years ago, but then dismissed the idea. I want my blog to be different than others. I'm more interested in covering the underground Chicago scene, the scene that no one else is covering or talking about. I want to spotlight up and coming bands that people might not know about. A couple of years ago, I considered starting my own music PR company, but that fell through. Last year I had two interviews to be a publicist at a reputable record label in town, but inevitably I didn't have enough experience for the gig. That's okay. What I love about music writing is that it's a combination of writing and promoting. So, now I gotta start this blog and hope people actually read it and hope everything pays off somehow. It's pretty easy to start a blog (I've created like 5 blogs). You know blogging is the wave of the future. Print is dying, but blogging is thriving. I think I'm also going to have to get more into Twitter. Social media is increasingly becoming more important, too. I'm skeptical about everything of course, but I have to keep hoping good things will come from it.

Also this week, I got word I have to start helping to promote Myopenbar more or they're going to cut my pay. I have to start trading banner ads with other companies. This supposedly should be easy, but now I have to work even harder. I feel it's a bit demanding, but maybe it'll be good experience for me. I think I'm just being really challenged right now on all fronts. I love a good challenge, but everything is just stressing me out right now. Like I said, I hope everything eventually pays off(literally and figuratively). It's like planting seeds for a later harvest. Either that or I'm currently on the road to nowhere. Finally, another frustrating thing happened this week. I'm suppose to interview a pretty well known musician. His publicist informed me to email him some questions. The musician wrote back saying he felt my questions weren't up to par. In all of my years of interviewing bands, I never had this happen. So, I had to go back and dig a little deeper with the questions. Some people just like making things more difficult than it needs to be. I am also trying to think of good stuff to pitch to places. This also has proven to be harder than I thought it'd be.

I really want to go on another vacation, soon. I don't have any big trips planned. I think I've been really spoiled with Costa Rica and Austin. There are so many restaurants, bars, and shows I want to check out, but there's just never enough time to do it all. I have to do my best of covering all the bases and fitting everything in, no matter how difficult it may seem...just keep moving forward.

Concerts, Movies, and Whisky

2009-04-05T23:26:00.002-06:00

Right now it's snowing outside. Let me remind you it's April. It is officially spring not winter. Actually, I'm not surprised by the snow. It always seems to snow in April. At least the end is in sight. It probably won't continue to snow into May, will it? That and the fact parking meters have gone way up are making it quite frustrating to live in this city.

On Wednesday, we went to Whisky Fest. I realized I'm not that big of a whisky drinker. Scotch is okay, but I definitely like beer and wine better. The best part about the event was all the free food, soda, and coffee. Oh, and the whisky. They had mashed potatoes with 10 kinds of toppings. Since I really like things my way, touches like this really suite me. I would totally go back again next year, especially if I could score free VIP tixs again.

This past week I saw a couple of concerts. I was disappointed with the Junior Boys show and only sorta liked the Wavves show. I really wanted to go to Morrissey, but I couldn't get on the list and tickets were a lot of money. Plus it was held at a venue I don't particularly like. Someday I will see him, dammit. I heard he took his shirt off. Sigh. Over the weekend I saw three movies. I finally watched the Swedish vampire movie Let the Right One In. I really liked it. It was creepy and had some gnarly scenes. I then watched Happy Go-Lucky, which I was kinda bored with. There just wasn't much of a plot. Tonight I finally saw Slumdog Millionaire. I liked it, but I don't know if it deserved to win Best Picture. I found parts of the movie to be kinda cliche. And it made me want to never go to India. But the music, directing, acting, etc, was first rate.

This coming weekend will be the boyfriend's and I first anniversary. I'm pretty stunned that an entire year has passed and we still like each other. It seems like we've been together for longer. I'm constantly worried what the future holds for us. Neither of us are where we want to be in our lives. I just hope that we can figure things out together and that no matter what happens, we'll just continue to be together. I keep thinking that I know someday I'll want to get married. I have this fear I'll be pushing 40 and be all alone. Hopefully by then I'll at least have a couple of cats. But at the same time, settling down sounds scary. I guess I don't have to decide any of this now, but it's always in the back of my head. Sometimes I just wish it wouldn't be so difficult to decide what to do with our lives. I know eventually things will have to change for both of us.

Endless Winter

2009-03-29T17:19:00.000-06:00

This time last week, I was driving back from Austin. It was 80 degrees out. Currently, there is a slushy mix of snow on the ground. Last night it rained for hours. Is it spring or winter? I don't know how much more of this cold I can take. Now I'm back being stuck in Chicago. This past week has thrown me out of whack. It's taken me a few days to adjust after that whirlwind trip. It's hard to fathom I only just got back on Monday morning. Traveling for days will do that to you. So, I wrote about SXSW experience. You can read it here. I love the headline: "A Chicagoan Does SXSW the Hard Way." "The Hard Way." Yeah, that pretty much sums up my entire life. I always do things the hard way, even if there's an easy solution.

I did my taxes a couple of days ago all by myself. I used the site Taxslayer, which was pretty easy to navigate. I pretty much made no money last year. Like, I seriously don't know how I'm still living, it was so low. Of course I didn't report all of my income and I did spend half of last year working as an unpaid intern, but still. It seems like the older I get, the less money I make. Shouldn't it be the other way around? I made less last year than in '07. How pathetic. The good news is for once I don't owe any taxes. I'm suppose to get an ample refund, but I fear all of it will go towards my back taxes. I really hope the government will somehow overlook this and deposit the funds in my bank account, anyway. Fingers crossed. I really need to make more money somehow. I'm considering bartending at the neighborhood pub or something. I even joined a focus group list. There's gotta be someway for me to bring in more income without compromising my beliefs.

Since I've been traveling so much, I keep getting antsy about what my next trip will be. I really need to keep going somewhere every month or I might lose it. I found out a good friend will be in Indianapolis the last weekend of April, so I will try to meet up with her for a day. The boyfriend's friend is getting married at the end of May in D.C, so if I can figure out a way to afford a plane ticket, I will probably go. I have a couple of friends there, so it'd be good to see them again. There are just too many places to visit but not enough time. And with it getting warmer out, I'll want to go to even more places.

Next week might be a busy week. We're playing ping pong for our next Saucony game and on Tuesday, there are three shows I want to see, and it's Whiskyfest on Wed. I used my clout to score two VIP tixs to the event valued at $155/ticket. I'm nervous we're not going to make it out alive. I'm not really a big fan of whisky, but maybe I'll change my mind.

Today I was on Facebook and came across a profile of a woman I worked with back at my intern days on "The Howie Mandel Show." We have a mutual friend, so that's how I found her. Turns out, she lives in Chicago now. She's also a freelancer like me. And she's from Ohio. And her status happened to say something about wanting to play ping pong. I messaged her but she didn't remember who I was. After all, my Howie days were over 10 yrs ago. Hopefully she'll come to ping pong and we can catch up. In my almost five years of living in Chicago, I've never found anyone who I knew from my L.A days living here. I've worked with L.A based crews and have discovered old high school pals living here but not L.A peeps. I guess it was inevitable for this to finally happen. Chicago just got a lot smaller.

Messing With Texas

2009-03-24T00:50:00.009-06:00

So, we did it. We really did it. We drove to Austin, TX for SXSW! I still can't believe it happened. It feels too surreal to be true. Thursday night, the boyfriend, myself, and our French-Canadian friend set out towards Texas. It was a last minute decision. I think we'd built it up so much, we just had to do it. The three of us took turns driving through the night and listening to our iPods. 1,200 miles and 18 hours seemed like a daunting task, but somehow we got through it. We drove through Illinois, Missouri, Arkansas, then right into Texas. I was disappointed we didn't get to see Memphis. I was surprised how pretty Arkansas was. I imagined it'd be a shithole. We even drove through the city of Texarkana, which is a famous R.E.M. song. About 300 miles into the trip, we got pulled over. Our friend wasn't going too fast, and luckily got off with a warning. It probably helped that he had a Canadian license. Everything in the South was so green. Spring had sprung whereas here in Chicago, it's still freezing and bleak outside. Texas is a huge state. There is an unbelievable amount of land.When we crossed the border, all I could think about was this. We knew we were in Texas when we started to see gun shops and ads for Bar-B-Q joints. It took a while to get to Austin. We drove through Waco, which made me nervous. Didn't something bad happen there? Just kidding. I knew Waco was bad news because of Bush's Chicken. Let me explain. We were hungry. We'd been driving all night, so we stopped at a fast food joint called Bush's. It was probably one of the worst meals we'd ever had. The portions were huge but the food was sickeningly bland. We realized at this point, it could only get better. Eating at Bush's would become a hilarious and reoccurring joke amongst us.

Once we were about 2 hours from Austin, we hit some major traffic. We arrived at our destination around 3pm. The person we were staying with was out of town, so we had the place to ourselves for the night. The guy owns two cats and doesn't take care of the house. There was cat hair everywhere. The boyfriend is severely allergic and I'm a little allergic, too. I loved his cats, though. One was a tubby kitty, and the other a beautiful yet dumb Siamese.

We took a bus downtown to where all the action was. We hit Red River near 6th Street. Since we had decided to come at the last minute, we didn't have any set plans. We stumbled upon a music venue that turned out to be one of the places we'd wanted to see. The weather was impeccable--80s, breezy, sunny. Because it's always warm in Austin, most of the music venues have elaborate outdoor patios fit for live music. We'd only been at the place for less than ten minutes when he heard our first band play live. I noticed the band the Hold Steady was simultaneously playing live next door. We soon left the venue and as we were walking down the street, I heard Echo and the Bunnymen playing. I was seriously blown away. It was very surreal and exciting. We walked all the way to the east side to check out the Myopenbar party, one of the reasons we decided to come to the fest. My bosses were running a huge lot filled with bands and a roller skating rink. The best part was all the free beer. I hung out with my bosses a little, but they were pretty busy running around. We stopped at a bbq place and had a real meal. We were pretty tired but decided to keep going. We checked out a band called Health playing at a small outdoor venue that resembled a shack. An ice cream man was there giving away free ice cream bars. I had two of them. At this point, we were exhausted and went home and went to bed. I knew between now and the time I'd get back to Chicago, there'd be no restful sleep for me. I only slept maybe an hour in the car, and it wasn't good sleep.

We woke up the next afternoon and set out again. We stopped at a park to see a bunch of bands. Someone told us there would be free booze and food there, but it was a lie. I really like Austin but it's not very veggie friendly. At the park, the only food they had were burgers and hot dogs. So, I just got a bun with veggies on it. Seeing the bands in the park made me think of Pitchfork fest and Lolla. I can see bands in parks anytime. So, we decided to walk around a little. It really felt like summertime there. Summertime in March! We went back to the Mohawk and checked out one of my fave bands, Camera Obscura. So far all of the shows had been free to the public and hadn't require a badge. We walked down Red River/6th St. and stumbled into a couple of more venues. We walked through the chaos of 6th St on our way to yet another park to check out yet another band. I was surprised how many Chicagoans I didn't run into at the fest. I did see Sun-Times critic Jim Derogatis walk across the street. We arrived at a park on the riverfront to see a free Explosions in the Sky show. We had to wait in line for a while, but got in. The caliber of the venue reminded me of Lolla. The whole point of the fest is to experience lesser known bands in smaller settings.I think that's what I loved the most about the fest that any place you walked into, there was live music. Well, almost. Most music fests take place in a big field for three days, not actually in bars and clubs in the city. After the show, the city gave us a spectacular fireworks show. There were a lot of bands we wanted to see, but we needed a badge to get into see them. This is when everything became frustrating. There were either cover charges or badge requirements and long lines. We decided to just walk down 6th street and wander into some establishments. We went to a bar called The Library that advertised, "No live music here!" Like live music is a bad thing. They did have pretty cheap drinks, though. At this point, I was exhausted. We must've walked a few miles. We tried a couple of more bars then decided to see Marcy's Playground. For those of you who don't know them, they had a major hit in the '90s then faded away. But, it was our last hope to see live music before the fest ended. Before the show started, we wandered into an Irish bar and discovered a U2 cover band playing in the back. Never in a million years did I think I'd see a U2 cover band at SXSW. And the ironic part is they had nothing to do with the fest. Finally Marcy's Playground went on and they sucked. They played their one hit and it was over. We stopped off at 6th Street to get some street food. By this point, the street was swarmed with drunkards who could barely walk on their own. I wondered how many of these people were here for the fest and how many were just out on a typical weekend night. We took a cab back to where we were staying to find out the boyfriend's friend had come back into town. The boyfriend thought he wasn't due back till Sunday, not Saturday. This screwed up our sleeping arrangements. There was only one bed and one couch. The previous night, the boyfriend and I had slept in the bed. The boyfriend proceeded to get drunk with his friend. The friend was really loud and kept us all up till 5am. I just wanted to go to sleep! The friend was being difficult about the sleeping arrangements, so eventually he slept on the couch and the boyfriend, our friend, and I slept restlessly in the bed.

We woke up Sunday afternoon and prepared for our long journey back home. We ate at a great brunch place that had $5 carafes of mimosas. You can't get such cheap shit in Chicago! They served family style brunch which entailed a cake-sized cinnamon role and a tray filled with eggs Benedict, potatoes, scrambled eggs, and French toast. For some reason, it took us four hours to only go 100 miles. Traffic getting out of Texas was a total nightmare. Once we got out, traffic was a breeze. We took turns driving through the night and blasting our iPods. We finally made it back to Chicago at 10:30am Monday morning. Of course when we got to Chicago, it was rainy and almost 30 degrees out. How come whenever I come back from somewhere warm Chicago is freezing?

Overall, we had a great time. It was seriously worth the trip. I can now say I've taken a crazy and lengthy road trip...that I've seen Arkansas and Dallas, etc. I wish we would've planned a little better. If I go next year, I want a press pass, I want to get a plane ticket in advance, and I want to see more of everything. SXSW is insane. About 1,900 bands play within a five day period. It's impossible to see everything. I'd like to go at the beginning of the fest and try to get through all of it instead of just staying for a weekend. We missed out on a lot of day parties because we got there late and because we didn't RSVP for certain things. I think everything we saw was just a skeleton of the fest. It went by so damn fast. Now I can scratch this off my bucket list.

This was only my second trip to Austin, but I really like the city. The problem is, I hate Texas. It's hot. They are too gun friendly and not veggie friendly. If I lived in TX, I would probably have to start eating meat again, and that's just not going to happen. I love how there's always bands playing in bars. I think it's a pretty city. I'd consider moving there if I could get a music writing gig or work for a record label or something. And best of all, it's warm all year round! If I ever do decide to leave Chicago, Austin will definitely be a possibility to live. Myopenbar keeps flirting with opening an Austin branch. If they did, I think it'd be successful because TX doesn't have any anti-happy hour laws like they have here.

I'm happy to finally get some sleep, although as I write this, I still haven't slept much. I'm really glad I've been traveling so much lately. It's good for my mental state. I just know I'm going to get spoiled and need to travel somewhere every month. Hopefully we can keep the momentum up. Next stop, Europe! I also realize that everything from here on out will be easy in terms of traveling. Driving five hours somewhere? A piece of cake compared to what I just experienced. I'm still peeling from my trip to Costa Rica. I've never seen so much skin peel in such random places. I just finished the newsletter and have to participate in Trivia night for our Saucony game. My computer is seriously malfunctioning and I don't know how to fix it. This makes me very mad. Why can't it just work? I can't afford a new one. Anyway, it's going to take me a couple of days to get caught up with everything.

I apologize for the length of this post. I had a lot to say!

Spring Has Sprung

2009-03-17T19:42:00.002-06:00

Today it was a balmy 70 degrees indicating spring is on its way. Of course living in the Midwest, it still could snow any day now. Usually we don't experience spring here. It'll go from winter to summer just like that. I'm hoping this year, we'll at least experience a springtime, but I'm not holding my breath.

Today is also St. Patty's Day, and I could care less. I know I should be all about Irish pride because I live in Chicago, but it's really just another night to deal with drunkards vomiting in trash cans. Over the weekend, the 'hoods were filled with douchebags wearing various green attire. I'll never forgot how on one St. Patty's day I saw a grown man throw up on the EL. It's turned me off every since. I do sorta wish I would've gone to the South Side parade. Maybe next year. Over the weekend, I saw the Ex-Boyfriend's new play. I thought it was really good, but hardly anyone was there. He was really distraught because no one showed up and because it got one mixed review. I think the play is really funny and sad and thought provoking and is worth seeing. It was sorta weird because during the show I sat between Ex-Boyfriend and new boyfriend. I'm lucky the two of them at least tolerate each other, but the boyfriend pointed out it would make for an interesting sitcom. Later on, we ended up at a toga party. It took me a while to realize the significance of the toga -- Sunday was the Ides of March (yunno, Julius Caesar reference). I think Sat. night was my first and last toga experience. Sunday I saw one of my fave bands in concert, Handsome Furs. They were really great and it was cool a lot of my friends went to it. I've been going to more concerts recently. Tomorrow I'm seeing Cut Copy again. This will be my fourth time seeing them live in less than a year. I think I might be obsessed.

SXSW starts tomorrow and we still haven't decided if we're going. I really think we should drive down there, but a 32 drive isn't all that appealing. If we do go, we'll drive through Memphis, Little Rock, and Dallas. I'm excited about the possibility of it and I feel soon I might be too old to do silly road trips, so I think we should just do it. Everything is set for us to go, so why not? I've never taken a long road trip before unless you count when I was 3 yrs old I drove across country with my dad, and when I was in high school, I took a charter bus with my classmates to upstate NY. But the longest I've consistently driven in my adult life is probably 7 hours. I think a road trip of this caliber is long overdue. Stay tuned.

Sometimes I think the boyfriend is sorta ignorant, or maybe just sheltered. I found out a few days ago he's never heard of nor seen the movie Heathers. He's also never heard of Henry Darger, he didn't know what the Ides of March was, and until tonight, he didn't know that when a dog has a white face it means its old. I think 18 yrs of private school was a bad idea for him. I'll admit there's a lot I don't know, but at least I've seen Heathers. I suppose when these thing arise in a relationship, you can either use it as a means to tear you apart or you can embrace it and help each other. Maybe it's my job to introduce him to certain cultural experiences and vice versa. I still just can get over the Heathers thing. I also found out a couple of my friends have never seen the original Star Wars trilogy. That shocked me more than anything. What kind of world are we living in? Seriously. They should show Star Wars in school. It should be a pre-requisite to get into college. I am such a movie snob.

Tonight I had lobster for dinner. The boyfriend and I went to lobster night at the East Bank Club and put the tab on his parents' account. Mmmm...buttery lobster. Tonight I also surprised myself. For some reason on Sat. night, my car battery died. We jumped it and now it works fine. When we got into the car tonight, the radio LCD screen kept flashing CODE. I looked it up in the car manual and in order to have access to the radio, I needed to punch in a code that was supposedly given to me when I purchased the car almost 8 yrs ago. I panicked because I had no idea where this so-called code was. I feared never being able to listen to my Ipod in the car again. But, then I remembered. There was a certain piece of paper I had held onto, that I refused to throw away for 8 yrs. And guess what? It was indeed the code. I punched in the code and voila, my radio worked! I have to give it to Honda and their cleaver anti-theft devices. I'm just glad I never threw it that piece of paper out. Sometimes, I do well.

In the next couple of days, I have a lot of writing to do. Hopefully I can get everything done before I embark on a crazy trip to Austin. Sometimes I feel like I work so hard, but have nothing to show for it. I guess I have to take the little victories along the way.

The Shape of Things

2009-03-12T17:10:00.002-06:00

I've been back from Costa Rica for over a week, and it's kinda sucked. For a few days I suffered from postpartum vacation depression. I kept having reoccurring dreams about being there. I really wish I could just travel somewhere for a month and shirk all of my duties, but that's not gonna happen. It's been fairly cold here, too. I don't think winter is ever going to end. If it's warm, it's usually raining.

I picked up a new writing gig this week. I'm now writing music news/reviews for LimeWire, the peer to peer music download site. They have a music blog, which is pretty cool. I'll get paid a little to cover shows and write all things music. Tonight and Sunday I'll be covering shows. It's been about a month since I've been to a show. I suppose I'll be going to a lot more now. I'm still debating about going to SXSW. Plane tickets are pretty much unaffordable, so we're considering road tripping it down there. Yes, a nice 17 hours there and another 17 hours back. It's sort of crazy to do that, but it'll probably be cheaper than flying at this point. Plus I've never taken a really long road trip before. I really want to go there. Every year I say I'm going to do it but then don't. I know a lot of people going and Myopenbar is throwing a huge three-day party I don't wanna miss. I keep getting emails and invites about parties there. I feel like that kid who wasn't able to party with the cool kids because I had to stay home and babysit my little brother (well, if I had a little brother). I'll be once again disappointed if this doesn't happen, and it looks like there's a less than 50% chance right now. We haven't heard back from the boyfriend's friend who we're suppose to stay with. That's a major issue right now. I suppose if I don't go this year, there's always next year. But, yunno, it'd be nice for it to happen now.

I've been frustrated of late about getting paid for my writing. It's taking certain publications months to pay me for things that should've been paid much sooner. I don't know if it's the state of the economy or what, but I'm getting sick of waiting around for checks. It wouldn't be such a big deal if I didn't depend on that money, but I do. I fear I may never see that money even though I keep harassing people about it. Certain things shouldn't be so hard. A couple of days ago, I decided to give up on life. I decided I wasn't going to care so much or try as hard. Sometimes I think if I do nothing,if I just throw my hands in the air is when things happen. One thing I'm not giving up on is giving up. Make sense?

On Tuesday, we had our Saucony game. Finally the entire team was able to get together. We did a Spelling Bee at a bar. It was pretty fun. I remember in the fourth grade, I misspelled "scissors" in my bee. This time, I had to spell pastime, and got it right. Our team actually won the bee by one point. Not that it really matters because we don't win anything, but for a bunch of lushes, that was pretty awesome. I think the more we drank, the better we spelled.

Lately I've been watching old episodes of the American "The Office." I've only seen a few episodes here and there. On the plane coming back from Costa, they showed a couple of newer ones. It piqued my interest, so I had to find out what happened in previous seasons. I really like the show, but it certainly doesn't make me want to work in an office full-time. I mean, I like the idea of money and having a steady job, and getting some employee perks and benefits, but I don't like the idea of dressing up and being stuck at the same place for the next 20 years...or the idea of never being promoted, or the idea of working for a paper company or another dull corporation. But I suppose if I had a really wacky boss, it might assuage coming to work everyday. Or simply annoy the hell out of me.

Back to the States

2009-03-05T10:44:00.000-06:00

I arrived safe and sound back to the U.S late Tuesday night. When we got off the plane, we were immediately greeted with 27 degree temps--that's -3 Celsius, mind you. I've spent the last couple of days in a complete daze. Where am I? Where's the pool? It is time to eat again? I must say I will miss eating and drinking for free everyday, but then again, I can drink for free here in Chicago.

We checked out of the resort late Tuesday morning and attempted to drive to the airport. We were hit with obstacles of construction along the way. I should explain in Costa, they have this thing called "Tico Time" where the inhabitants take forever to do anything. It's part of their relaxed lifestyle. Everything takes longer than it should. We reached a point of the road where it was down to only one lane. The construction worker said we'd be moving in four minutes. Well, 15 minutes passed and we were still waiting. Finally, we got the greenlight. A few miles down the road, this happened again. If you think construction is bad in the States, it's much worse in Costa. This is because it seems highly organized. We made it through the construction and continued on our windy trip through the mountains. All that tossing and turning made my stomach a little queasy. We were restrained for time so we didn't get to stop at one of those numerous restaurant/bars/fruit stands we saw on the side of the road. If I ever come back to Costa, I'm going to do more non-touristy things. I realized everything I experienced during the trip was through eating at hotels and hanging out with other tourists and tour guides. Next time, I want to go off the beaten path. I also wished I would've researched the country a little more before going there.

We finally made it to the rental car place but had to wait almost an hour just to return the car. It was ridiculous. At the airport, we had to pay an exit tax of $26/person. I have no idea why. Our flight to Miami was packed. Tuesday was sorta rough because I was trying to work on the newsletter, dictate to my guest editor, and board a plane. Never again will I try to do both. On the plane, they screened Beverly Hills Chihuahua which I am ashamed I watched. It was just as horrible as I thought it would be. I really miss the golden days of flying when you'd at least get peanuts. Now you have to pay $3 for a cookie. At least on these flights they gave us an entire can of soda. We landed in Miami and were swarmed with so many people from all different countries trying to get through customs and immigration. After we got through those points, we had to go through security again. The only good thing is we didn't have much of layover. Traveling can be such a pain in the ass.

Overhearing other people's conversations in the rental car place and airplane, it seems like a lot of Americans love Costa. I think one couple mentioned they have a place there. Another guy mentioned he lost his job so he decided to take a vacation. I think a lot of people have this "fuck it" mentality. Cold outside? Go somewhere warm. Lost your job? Go on vacation. Both of our flights were packed. I like the idea of having a winter place, or place just to get away to. I don't know if I'd want to make Costa that place, but every winter I want to try to go somewhere warm. I wish we could've stayed for at least 2 weeks or a month. I like the idea of jetting off somewhere for a long period of time.

So, now we're back to the grind. If I have withdrawal of Costa Rican food, I can visit the local Costa Rican restaurant a mile from me. I just might have to do that. But, it's time to start dieting and eating healthier. Now, I have to figure out if we can go to SXSW in Austin. I procrastinated on getting a ticket, so now we're looking at over $600 a ticket, which is more than we paid for our Costa Rica flights combined. I really want to go as Myopenbar is throwing a few parties and my bosses will be there. It'd be more like a work thing. Plus it'd give me something to look forward to and give me another excuse to leave the cold.

I also have been presented with another job opportunity. The thing is, I get a lot of potential opportunities, but they don't always amount to much. This is frustrating. I'm hoping this one will pan out better. I have to write a sample article, first. It's so much pressure to make it good.

I'm glad it's March. Spring (in the technical sense) is a couple of weeks away. I think we could all use a little Spring right about now.

Pura Vida

2009-03-02T11:12:00.018-06:00

The Costa Ricans have a saying called "Pura Vida," or roughly translated, "the good life." For the past few days, I've been living that life here in Costa Rica.

The last time I wrote, I was staying in La Fortuna near a rain forest. The weather in a rain forest consists of sporadic rain, then dryness, then more rain. It's like this all day and night. I had a difficult time sleeping at the hotel as every morning and night I could hear cows mooing and dogs barking. I think there was a farm across the river. I can't emphasis enough how much I love buffets. Luckily this trip has mainly consisted of that. We woke up in time for breakfast Friday morning and feasted on omelets, granola with yogurt, cafe con leche, guava juice, rice and beans, and assorted other breakfast items at the buffet. I noticed that in Costa Rica, the bagel doesn't exist. What a shame. I also noticed they use pineapple in omelets and tuna fish, which I surprisingly liked. One thing the Costa Ricans do is fill your cup up with half coffee and half creme. Since I love coffee with my creme, this totally works for me. The entire day was a bit rainy and humid. Later in the afternoon, we went on a rain forest hike. Our tour guide, Pedro, led us and a group of about eight into the forest. He pointed out a toucan from afar, a woodpecker, and howler monkeys playing in the trees. He told us there are over 112 volcanos in Costa but only 7 are active including the Arenal, which we would try to see later. The hike was informative but exhausting. I'm so out of shape. Afterwards, we loaded the bus and drove to a spectator point to see if we could see lava spurting out of the volcano. It was dark and cloudy, so we couldn't see much except for a blurry outline of the volcano. Our next stop was the Baldi hot springs. This resort has over 15 pools of various degrees of hot pools you can swim in. The hottest pool was about 152 degrees Fahrenheit. Of course the boyfriend felt the need to take a dip in it. Of course he only latest for about 10 seconds before running out. They had pools with water slides, so I went down one of them. After the hot springs, the tour guide drove us back to the hotel. All in all, it was a successful day of adventure. I watched some movies on tv which are mostly in English with Spanish subtitles. This has been a good method for me to re-learn Spanish, especially curse words. I can now say sonofabitch, shit and sex in Spanish.

On Saturday morning, we woke up really early (7am). We indulged in a breakfast spread and then headed for the trees. The boyfriend talked me into doing the canopy/Ecoglide tour with him. The tour consisted of us, a Russian couple and four trained tour guides. I was totally petrified the entire time. We climbed high in the forest and did a series of glide obstacles. The tour guides strap you into two cables and harnasses, then you simply let go and slide down the cables to the other side. At one point the tour guide asked me what I was afraid of and I responded with, "muerte," which means death. He laughed and said I was being silly. Even though I was nervous about falling, I also had a lot of fun hanging from the trees. One course was about 430 meters long. I couldn't even see the end until I was almost to the other side. They also had a Tarzan swing within the course. This consisted of being strapped into ropes and literally stepping off a platform and swinging pendulum style through the forest. I almost chickened out, but I'm glad I did it anyway. The freefall only lasted for a second. After the journey was over, we were rewarded with a free beer to relax.

After our morning of adventure, we checked out of the hotel and drove to our resort in Puntarenas. I was so happy that our adventure portion was over and our beach days were upon us. The drive took over three hours and was quite scenic. We drove through the hills and saw the Costa Ricans in their natural habitat. I wish I would've had more time to spend with the indigenous people. Everything I experienced on this trip was seen through a bubble of hotels, tourists, and tour guides. I would've liked to have spent a day eating at places the locals do. Driving through these towns, I noticed most Costa Ricans don't have much. Their houses are small, they leave their laundry on a clothes line to dry, their doors are always open suggesting they don't have A/C, etc. They don't have sidewalks in Costa Rica, so many people are seen walking along the road trying to catch a bus. I wondered what it must be like to live like this.

Early in the afternoon, we arrived to the Double Tree Hilton resort. Whereas the rain forest was steamy, this part of the country has a dry heat. For a recession, the place was packed. There were a lot of families and elderly people staying there, both Spanish and American. The resort reminds me a lot of a cruise ship except stationary. Everywhere you turn at any time of day, there's ample food and drink. It just one gigantic smorgasbord and open bar. My life for the past couple of days has entailed waking up in the morning, eating, drinking fruity drinks and beer, swimming, going to the beach, eating and drinking some more, sleeping, then getting up and doing it all over again. Basically, I've become a glutton. The resort has pool bars where you literally swim up and order a drink and imbibe it in the pool. There's the Sunset Bar which is a bar stationed on the pier and is only open during sunset. This has been the boyfriend's fave as he can enjoy a cocktail while watching the sun dip behind the Pacific. At night, a live band usually plays cheesy Spanish music. They've played a lot of radio station music from 10-20 years ago that was sucky even back then. I don't understand why they can't play more recent music. There's even a casino here. Last night, I played the slots. The boyfriend informed me this was his first time ever in a casino. I was stunned. I mean, how could you possibly go your entire life without stepping into a casino? I went to my first casino when I was like 20. I also spent a week in Vegas. My parents took me gambling a bunch of times, too. I guess you can say I popped his casino cherry the same way he popped my leaving North America cherry. There are two fairly nice restaurants at the resort that you can eat at: a Latin one and a seafood one. Last night we ate at the former and tonight we'll dine at the later. The food and wine are much better at these restaurants. They serve wine out of a bottle, not a carton, like they do at the other bars.

For all the access we have to "free" booze, I must say I haven't been drunk yet. It could be because the drinks don't have much alcohol in them and also because I've been pacing myself. I've been living on pina coladas, nachos and papas fritas. You can basically wake up at 10am and drink until 1am. Unbelievable. I'm disappointed the resort doesn't serve Bloody Marys, that there isn't a hot tub, and that the pools close at sunset. I also imagined the resort being more like a Spring break free for all with drunk people drowning in the pool, but it's pretty tame. I think it's because this resort is more family orientated.

As I write this, I'm lounging in a beach chair shrouded by palm trees and staring out into the shimmering sea. It's very windy but it's helping to make the almost 100 degree temps seem less. I have seen a total of four iguanas walking around the resort. Ick. Today the resort is emptier than it was over the weekend. I guess a lot of people went home. I'm sad that we have to leave tomorrow, but I don't think I could keep this Corona commercial lifestyle up indefinitely. Yes, it's been great to have fun all day, but after a couple of weeks, I think I would get bored just chillin' all day. At the same time, I wish I could take a month off and just travel, then come back to real life, then disappear off the grid again. I think this might be the only way I'll be able to sanely function in Chicago. It's been nice not having cell phone usage or being chained to the computer all the time. I'm also seriously considering taking some sort of Spanish refresher course or re-teaching myself. I really would like to be able to speak and write complete sentences in Spanish instead of tossing around random words here and there. I would like to be more fluent then take a trip to somewhere like Spain where everyone doesn't speak broken English. I should also mention I'm pretty sunburn right now. I guess I underestimated sunbathing near the Equator. I also think something bit my foot because it's slightly swollen. And I have sand embedded in my hair and various other orifices. And I guarantee I'll be the only Chicagoan peeling in the middle of winter. Ah, the joys of foreign travel.

I feel really lucky that I had to chance to visit Costa Rica. It's such a beautiful country. It reminds me of California in a lot of ways with the Pacific, the palm trees swaying in the breeze, the hills, the Spanish speakers, the warm temps, etc. I would like to come back someday and explore Manual Antonio and Monteverde. I was also expecting clear, blue waters here but that's only on the Caribbean side. That'll be my next destination, well, that and overseas. I'm hoping this is just the beginning of my world travels. I need to keep the momentum up and experience life in other countries. I think my ultimate job would be as a travel writer, but I have a feeling most publications probably wouldn't be able to afford to send me out. I'm not looking forward to returning to the cold and my routine in Chicago, but at least I'll have the memories and photos to keep me warm, or something like that.

¡Costa Rica!

2009-02-26T21:00:00.001-06:00

I made it to Costa Rica okay. Yesterday we woke up at 4am and headed to the airport. Running on two hours of sleep, it made for a long travel day. Luckily, the trip was broken down into 2 1/2 hour increments. We flew from Chicago to Ft. Lauderdale, had a two hour layover, then flew to Costa. On the plane, they showed a stupid Diane Lane/Richard Gere movie, but at least it made the time go by fast. We arrived in Costa and had to fill out light paperwork to go through immigration and customs. I never knew you had to fill out paperwork. When we got to San Jose, we were greeted by hilly terrain, palm trees, and dried grass. Everyone in Costa speaks both Spanish and English, but I have this "when in Rome" mentality. I took a couple of years of Spanish in college, but have sadly forgotten most of it. I've been frantically writing down the words I don't know and looking them up. I just don't want to be a tourist, but I know speaking broken Spanish isn't good either. The chick at immigration started to speak to me in Spanish, but I had no idea what she was saying. The currency they use here is called "colones." The exchange rate is about $1 for every 500 colones, so it's a bit daunting at first when something costs like 5000 colones. It's been hard to get to get use to gauging things in Celsius and kilometers. We stopped at a convenient store and bought a six-pack of beer for $1. Unbelievable.

So, at the ripe age of 31, I've finally gotten my first passport stamp. It feels pretty good to have finally accomplished something. The next step was getting our rental car. At the rental agency, the guy told us he'd lived in Chicago for 24 years before moving to Costa. Even in a foreign country, it's still a small world. For some reason it took almost an hour to get our car. They were pretty slow at the place. We rented a SUV with GPS--something I'd never used before. So far it hasn't failed us but I don't really trust it. We checked into the Adventure Inn hotel. There's nothing special about it. At least they had computer stations with internet (we also have a laptop). Even in the rental car place they had free computers for patrons. We ate dinner in the hotel restaurant, which was decent. Restaurants seem to serve most entrees with a side of veggies and potatoes. We then went to bed fairly early, exhausted from the day. I couldn't sleep very well at first. It was hot and I kept having restless dreams. And I swear there were bugs buzzing near my head. Ick.

We woke up early today and dined on their free breakfast. One of my fave things about staying in a hotel is free breakfast...and I'm not talking Continental breakfast but a full-fledged meal. A typical Costa Rican breakfast consists of fried eggs, rice and beans, fresh fruit, and tortillas. They served guava juice and plantains--not a fan-- and starfruit, which I like. The original plan was to stay three nights in San Jose and then go to the all-inclusive resort, but we realized all the sites we wanted to engage in involved driving for at least three hours one way, so it made more sense to stay in a different area. San Jose is just very industrial and unimpressive. We checked out of Adventure Inn and headed to Fortuna to see the Arenal volcano.

It was about a three hour drive through the jungle. I must say Costa Ricans drive recklessly, especially down two way highways. Our journey was met with winding roads, verdant vegetation, stalled cars, trucks, narrow bridges, steep drops, rushing ravines, and at two different times, parts of the road had literally sunken in. There was always some sort of restaurant or bar off the side of the road or someone selling furniture and/or produce. The side of the roads were also littered with colorful houses and ample landscapes. Needless to say, it was a beautiful and adventurous drive. By the time we had arrived in Fortuna, the weather had turned cloudy and humid. My hair is extremely frizzy. I should’ve brought some anti-frizz hair products. We checked into the Volcano Lodge, a much nicer, quieter and more expensive resort. It’s nestled not to far from the volcano and is filled with lush flowers and plants. There are two pools with a Jacuzzi and spa services. The wireless internet doesn't work in our room but works outside. There's also free computers in the hotel lobby. Being here is such a contrast from the city. Earlier tonight, jungle sounds were taunting us. I have no idea what's lurking in the dark forest. Tree frogs? Cows? Insects? I've already been bitten by mosquitoes. It sounded like one of those "Sounds of the Jungle" recordings people listen to in order to relax and/or fall asleep.

Tomorrow we're planning a full-day of adventure. First, free breakfast and then maybe pool bar and then we're taking a hiking tour of the volcano followed by a visit to the hot springs. The boyfriend really wants to do the canopy--basically playing around in the tops of trees in the rain forest. This doesn't appeal to me at all, so I might skip it--although I'll be worried the boyfriend might fall and break his neck. At this point, I'll just be happy to get to the beach portion of our trip. I'm so much more of a beach girl than a play around in the trees kinda gal. I just wanna lay on the beach and drink fruity frozen drinks. Even though I'm suppose to be on vacation, I'm still trying to manage emails and focus a little on work. I just can't turn that part of my brain off. Maybe someday I'll learn to completely let go.

I still can't believe I'm in Costa Rica. It's slowly beginning to sink in. It's sure a nice change to be away from the city. Chance of snow, 0%. Chance of being attacked by monkeys, probable.

Vacay Awaits

2009-02-23T19:16:00.004-06:00

I leave for vacation in less than two days, but I feel sorta anxious to leave. Why is it when you plan to go on vacation, there are always a myriad of things that come up? I got a call today to work on a tv show this weekend, but alas, I will be sunning in the tropics. I feel bad not being available to people, especially when that entails making money. Damn. Other things I will be missing out on is our first Saucony game, a friend's going away party and a concert. Oh well. You can't win them all. In preparation for leaving, I've had to dictate responsibilities elsewhere. I don't really like to dictate because I'd rather do everything myself. I have to leave someone in charge of Saucony and another person in charge of being guest editor. Maybe part of it is I don't trust other people, but I also feel like I'm shirking my duties and just passing the buck onto hapless souls. But, sometimes we just need a vacation. I think everything will be okay as I'm trying to get organized, but I know I will still worry a little. And at this point, I could really use a vacation. I'm sick of Chicago, sick of winter, sick of how frustrating simple chores become, sick of the daily minutiae...yeah, I need to lay on a beach for a while. Hopefully when I get back, everything will have worked itself out somehow. In the meantime, I have a bunch of stuff to get done tomorrow and then I can be on my way.

It's strange that I actually know people that have been to Costa. It just seems so exotic and random to me. Well, not as random as Luxembourg. I feel like I don't deserve to go to Costa. I mean, what have I done to deserve this trip? Or better yet, what have I done to deserve a guy to take me there? Then again, most of the people I know have traveled the world, so maybe it's my turn. I just don't wanna boast too much about it. Yet.

Like every year, I watched the Oscars last night. I think it was better than the previous year but still sorta cheesy. I remember as a kid how much I loved the Oscars. I would make sure to see every movie. It was like my fave event of the year. I would sit there and pray certain people would win and then get upset if they lost. I would cry during acceptance speeches because they inspired me. I really wanted to win an Oscar. I had a speech all planned out. Alas, I don't get as worked up about the awards anymore. I still love watching, but I just don't care as much. I haven't even seen Slumdog and Milk. Watching the awards didn't make me miss L.A or my days in Hollywood at all. I'm so completely removed from that scene and I prefer it that way. I do sometimes wish I had a reason to wear a fancy dress like the actors wear. I think it would be fun to wear some gaudy Valentino number for a night. But other than that, I'll just stick to watching them every year from a far.

Things Can Only Get Better

2009-02-19T13:27:00.005-06:00

This time next week, I will be in warm Costa Rica (that is if my plane doesn't crash or isn't delayed). I'm getting excited, but I'm also stressed about taking off for a few days. I worry people will be trying to get a hold of me when I'm gone. I really wish I could be one of those people who goes on vacation and shuts the world off for a few days, but alas, I can't. I still need to figure out who to put in charge when I'm gone. I don't like to relinquish control. I also wish I was going on vacation with a ton of spending money. I have no idea what to expect in Costa Rica. I still can't believe we're going. It feels like a dream. Part of me wants to rub in the fact I'm going on an exotic vacation, but another part of me feels weird about it. I don't wanna brag too much. I hope Costa is everything it seems to be. I will be sure to take a lot of photos. I'm not looking forward to the plane ride. Our flight leaves at 6am and we don't get to Costa till the evening. I know I won't be able to sleep much the night before thus risk feeling air sick all day. Sometimes I'm not the best traveler.

When I get back from Costa, I will then have to decide about going to SXSW. My only concerns are the airfare and getting into events. I know a few people either going or thinking about going, so this might be a real possibility. We can stay with the boyfriend's friend and just try to get into the events. I know during the day, everything is free, so we'll see. It's just something I feel the need to experience. Also, it'd be nice to see my aunt and uncle who live in Austin. One trip at a time, I guess.

It's gotten frigid here again. It snowed a couple of inches last night and was really windy. Thank god I'm taking off soon. I can't stand this winter anymore. Early in the week, I was inundated with a bunch of writing deadlines. I hate it when they all converge, but I managed to get through it. I even interviewed a sex toy delivery guy and wrote an article on him. Yes, you can get sex toys delivered right to your door in this town, anytime of day.

This Saturday night is going to be crazy. I was able to talk a bar into giving us an one hour open bar and drink specials for the boyfriend's late b-day and one of my other writer's 30th b-day celebration. I think it's going to be one of those "man, I drank way too much" nights, and one of those babysit the boyfriend and help him out of the cab nights. Fun. I'm hoping we'll have a good turnout and everyone will have a good time. I like that I can use my connections to help people out.

Everyday, I'm realizing how horrible this economy is. It's surprising that anyone still has a job. I know it's just going to get worse, though. The boyfriend keeps saying he'll quit his job and then I'll go off to work and support us. I don't like this idea. I rather be the leecher than the breadwinner. I don't know how anyone can afford anything anymore. It's such a shame this had to happen. When I walk through my neighborhood, I'm noticing more and more empty storefronts. I have a vision of this city becoming a ghost town. I miss the hey day of the '90s when everyone was experiencing economic growth and had a superfluous amount of money to throw around. Then again, that's what probably got us here in the first place. Things are never going to be gluttonous again. I keep hoping everything will become cheaper and cheaper, like it's 1989 again. I'm just waiting for airfare to be like $100 round trip or less and for stores and restaurants to basically give things away. Things are cheaper, but not cheap enough. Gas prices are still high. I suppose some people still have a lot of money to throw around. I guess some jobs and a upper class still exists. I wish I was independently wealthy. Sigh.

Finally, a local blog interviewed myself and two of my writers. We kinda come off as pricks but hilarious pricks. I was worried some people would be offended by the article, but so far we've gotten positive reactions. Check it out here.

Love and Other Catastrophes

2009-02-13T13:14:00.004-06:00

For about a week, we got a glimpse of springtime, but now that's over. It's back to being cold, but not freezing your limbs off cold. I'm not keen about "faux springtime." Sure, it's warmer out, but it's still technically winter -- so let's not get too excited. I think it's suppose to snow this weekend. I had forgotten what the grass looked like.

In less than 2 weeks, I'll be in Costa Rica. For some reason, I'm not that excited yet. It just doesn't seem real to me yet. I'm also still nervous something will go horribly wrong while we're there like being attacked by monkey or Mel Gibson. We decided we want to drive to the Caribbean side of the country. This might entail dodging mudslides and bad roads, but I'd like to see the Caribbean sea. I don't consider myself an adventurer, so I'm not sure how that part of the trip will pan out. I think I'll just be glad when we make it to the all-inclusive part of the trip. I'm also not looking forward to the plane ride there. It's going to take quite a while. And flying over large bodies of water make me nervous. Yes, I'm a constant worrier. Not good.

Wed. was the boyfriend's b-day. I actually made him a nice dinner. I've been trying to cook more, and think I was successful at it (well, nothing got burnt and he did say everything was good). I really don't understand how people cook big meals every night for their family. It's hard work! I think this is one reason I don't want kids because I'd be serving microwaved pizza every night. Last night I got the boyfriend and I into a concert. I've really slowed down with the concerts. The show wasn't our typical brand of rock concert at all, so it was a nice change of pace.

Next Saturday is one of my writer's 30th b-day, so it looks like a bar in the area is going to give us an open bar and drink specials for us. I like using my clout and connections for a good cause. I think it's going to be crazy fun and a good way to break up the monotony of this miserable winter. It seems like Feb. is a huge month for b-days. I don't get it. Half the people I know seem to have b-days this month. July is also another huge b-day month. So far this year I've know about five people who've turned 30. There must be something about 1979...

Tomorrow is V-Day, which of course makes me reflect a lot about love and relationships. I'm definitely in a much better place romantically this year than last year. It's funny because I spent last V-Day with the boyfriend and other singletons at a bar. I'd never imagined in a million years that a year later he and I would be a bonafide couple. In fact, a couple of my single girlfriends from last year have gone on to meet nice guys. So, it can happen. Even though I'm in a good place relationship wise, I can't help worrying about a lot of silly things. I keep thinking what will the future bring? Will we still be together five years from now? Will we eventually get sick of each other and drift apart? What if there's someone even better for me out there who I haven't met yet? I really believe relationships serve a purpose, like everyone is in your life for a reason and for a set period of time. In hindsight, I can look back at the past and realize everyone has served a purpose. I have also been wrong a lot about things I thought were meant that turned out not to be. So, I worry. And I spy. All of course to protect myself from things going horribly wrong. Also, getting your heartbroken in the past makes you even more protective of your emotions. I know I should focus on the moment and enjoy myself, but I can't help thinking about the past and the future. I can't help thinking about ex-girlfriends and boyfriends and wishing they didn't exist. I do think the boyfriend is a step up from my last relationship. I also know I'm a hundred times better than the stupid girls he's dated. I take a lot of comfort in that but I also feel like I have to prove myself worthy to him all the time. I need to keep reinforcing to him how amazing I truly am. I do think he realizes this. At least he better.

I started watching a show called The Ex List. It aired last fall but got cancelled after four episodes. It's about a 30 year old woman who goes to a psychic. The psychic tells her if she doesn't marry in a year, she'll never marry, and that she has already dated her future husband. Suddenly, men from her past start popping out of the woodwork. And they all happen to be single. Um, yeah. Right. So, she starts re-dating them to see if they're "the one." It's sorta a silly concept, but I totally get the idea of "what if?" I can honestly say I don't have any "what ifs?" in my closet. It seems with most of my past guys, I've had second chances with a lot of them...and yunno what? The second time around isn't better than the first. You can't recreate what once was. All of those "what ifs" have been diminished for me, which is a good thing. It makes moving forward a lot easier.

I finally saw Vicky Cristina Barcelona. I got sick of Netflix's "very long wait" status so I watched it online. You can watch everything online including new movies. Love that. I could sorta relate to Penelope Cruz's character in the film because she's sort of crazy and tries to stab her husband. Interesting. I also watched Rachel Getting Married. The more I thought about it, the more I liked it. It's definitely a grower type of movie. Anne Hathaway deserves her Oscar nomination for it. It's a great alternative from the fluff she usually does. I really hope she continues to do interesting films, but I know she won't. I just downloaded Two Lovers, the new Joaquin Phoenix movie. Can't wait to watch it even though Phoenix has gone bad shit. That "Letterman" appearance was priceless.

Anyway, tomorrow the boyfriend and I will celebrate V-day together. We are going to an Italian restaurant for dinner. I want to go to this cupcake shop downtown and get $1 frosting shots. I know V-day is a made up holiday and doesn't mean much, but it does evoke certain thoughts on love and relationships. I think I just need to calm the hell down and appreciate what I do have, which is something pretty damn great. And just think about my trip instead about white-faced monkeys coming at me and stupid ex-girlfriends experiencing a High Fidelity, what does it all mean? thing.

February Still Sucks

2009-02-05T14:07:00.003-06:00

Even though it's Feb., I can't say things have improved much. It's still freezing out although it's suppose to reach near 50 on Sat. I'll believe it when I feel it. Three weeks from today, I'll be in warm and sunny Costa Rica. I'm still a little nervous about going there. It's going to be a long flight, and I have such a fear of something bad happening like getting lost and separated from the boyfriend, getting kidnapped, etc. I realize it's not that kind of country, but you never know. Did I mention Mel Gibson owns a $26 million estate there? In the meantime, I feel like there's a lot of things I need to get done before I leave. I have to get things in order...little, annoying things. Hopefully everything will have come together before I take off.

Last night, a blogger interviewed myself and a couple of my writers. I guess he's always been a huge fan of ours, so we met up with him for drinks and talked to him for a while. It's nice to know there are people out there who really like us. I've gotten so sick of offending everyone. I will post the link to the interview when it's done. I haven't heard anything about that other writing gig, which is frustrating. It's like, just get back to me! People suck. I go through this everytime I'm in consideration for a job I really want. I really think I'm going to get it and then nothing. It's so unfair. I just feel like giving up. I wonder if I'll ever really be able to do what I want. Maybe I need to start thinking of other options and other cities. I don't know. I guess I'll have to figure things out once I get back from vacation. I'm obviously doing something wrong or not realizing the things I should be.

Our Saucony league is starting at the end of the month. Unfortunately, I'll be in Costa during our first game. I wish that wasn't the case because now the season is going to start off on the wrong foot. It's my job to coordinate the team. Right now we have over 10 people who want to play with only 10 slots. But, I know not everyone is available to play on game day, so we have alternates. I think this will work out okay. I have to coordinate getting everyone their shoes, too. I think the season will be fun. We're going to be bowling (which I hate), doing pub quizzes, spelling bees, and whirly ball. We have some new members, which is cool. This is just another thing I have to worry about, though.

Tomorrow night, I'm going out with the boyfriend and his family to celebrate his b-day. We are going to a fancy French restaurant, which I know I probably won't like. I have a feeling the bill is gonna be astronomical. I suppose it's fun to get dressed up once in a while and eat somewhere nice, but I'm not a fancy restaurant kind of girl. Next week is his official bday. I've decided I'm going to cook him dinner. I think. We'll see how that goes. I feel bad that I don't have much to offer, but I also think it's the non-monetary things that are the best. I just hope that I can make it special. Then of course a couple of days after that is V-Day. It'll be his job to make it special for me.

Tomorrow I'm interviewing one of my fave bands. A lot of my friends keep swooning over them, too. It always makes me happy to interview bands.

World Traveler

2009-01-30T18:11:00.004-06:00

Today we finally booked our trip to Costa Rica. We are going at the end of February through the beginning of March. I had no idea where the country was until the boyfriend showed me on a map. I might be geographically challenged. I thought it was an island. I think I'll be more excited once I'm on the plane going there. We're transferring in FL. I wish we had some time to spend there. I haven't been since I was five. We decided to split the trip up into 3 days of all-inclusive and 3 days at a bed and breakfast so we could do some sightseeing on our own. So, there will be the adventure part of the trip and the relaxation part of the trip. I'm happy to be putting this horrible winter behind for a few days, but I'm also nervous about going. What if something bad happens while we're there? Like what if i get attacked by a jellyfish or a monkey? We'll be in a foreign country, after all, with no cell phone use. We should have access to the 'net, hopefully. I also have a really difficult time just relaxing. I simply can't relax. I worry about the work I should be doing. I know I could get a guest editor for the week, but I'm such a control freak that I'd rather do it myself. I guess I'll have to brush up on my Spanish. I've forgotten so much. Anyway, time to get a new bikini.

In the next couple of months, there are other destinations I'm flirting about going to. SXSW is coming up in mid-March and then Coachella in April. Every year I tell myself I will go but never do. This year is the most likely time for me to go. One of my editors put in a SXSW press pass request for me, so now I'm just waiting to hear back. There's only one day of Coachella I'm interested in seeing, which is the Friday lineup of Paul McCartney, Leonard Cohen, Morrissey, and Franz Ferdinand. Amy Winehouse is playing on Saturday. It'd be interesting to see her, too. The thing is, I've seen a lot of these bands before and a lot of them will eventually come to Chicago. I was thinking about going just for Friday and then spending the rest of the weekend in L.A. Going to CA was on my list this year, anyway. But if I had to chose between SXSW and Coachella, I'd chose the former. It's more of a party. Plus I haven't been to Austin in a decade! I'm hoping all of these trips will work out. I just really need to travel and experience more things.

I'm really glad it's almost February. I can start sighing a little relief because Retrograde is over with. The boyfriend thinks I'm crazy because I believe in that stuff, but I only believe a little bit of it. I think January is the worst month of the year. It's been nothing but mediocrity all month. February can go either way. I've had a lot of bad stuff happen to me in Feb., but I'm hoping nothing but good stuff will occur this year.

Wed. night, I did some Ipod DJing. I only "dj'd" for a half-hour. I would've liked to have done it for longer, but there were other people who wanted to do it. We actually had a pretty good turnout at the bar. I wish people would've danced. The best part about DJing is we got free drinks all night long. I hope to do more in the future.

So, there's a good chance I might have a new gig. I talked to the company about it today, but I have to do a "test" first. I pitched them some ideas and if they like them, I will have to turn in a writing sample. The job would start out as part-time then might go full-time. It'd probably pay well and be a steady thing, so I'm really hoping I get it. I'd be working as an associate editor for a local publication that I really like. The best part is the company approached me about the job, not the other way around. They approached me because they knew I worked for Myopenbar. This company is sorta similar in terms of what they do, and they seem to generate a high revenue. I've been writing for MOB for exactly two years now. I never thought in a million years it would pay off (literally and figuratively). If I get this job, I will have MOB to thank for that. I'm already thanking MOB for the boyfriend and all the good friends I've made. Fingers crossed.

Yet another weekend is here. Tomorrow night we're going to my friends sketch show. Sunday is the Super Bowl, but I have no desire to watch it. I still need to see Slumdog Millionaire and other movies. I watched Gone Baby Gone the other night and thought it was really good--much better than I ever expected. All I feel like doing is watching movies, these days.

Gonzo

2009-01-25T23:06:00.004-06:00

It seems like I haven't written in a while, but I really don't have anything new to report. I'm so tired of this weather it isn't even funny. I just feel like hibernating all the time. This weekend we didn't go out much. I much rather stay in and watch movies, but I feel bad if I'm anti-social. In the coming week, I will be more social.

On Wed. night, I'm doing some Ipod DJing at a bar with some other people. I did this a few months ago, but there wasn't anyone there. I'm hoping this time we'll have more of a crowd. I'm trying to put together the ultimate playlist. I want to wow people with my excellent taste. I'm looking forward to it. Some friends are doing a sketch show this coming weekend and I need to go because I didn't go this past week. I've decided I need to quit being so damn mopey and negative all the time. It's like the boyfriend said, instead of bitching and complaining, I should be more proactive about trying to change things. This is easier said than done. As always, I'm looking for more work. I'm waiting to hear back about a cool job opportunity. I hope it comes through because waiting around to hear back about pitches isn't working for me. I need to find something else. I would feel better about this winter once we get our vacation planned. I think we decided on splitting the time up: 3 days at an all-inclusive resort and 2 days "roughin' it" in other cities.

Today, the boyfriend and I went to brunch. The restaurant had a deal that for $16 per person, you get THREE cocktails and an entree. It was pretty awesome. In NY, they have $12 all-u-can-drink mimosa deals. I wish I could find that here in Chicago. After brunch, we went shopping downtown. We'd been putting it off for a while but finally motivated ourselves. The boyfriend finally got a new pair of jeans. Now we just need to motivate ourselves to do other things.

Over the weekend, we watched a documentary on Hunter S. Thompson. I'm ashamed to admit I've never gotten around to reading anything by him. But, I really want to. He inspires me. He was such a maverick. He did whatever the hell he wanted to. Presidents even respected him. I keep wondering if he hadn't killed himself, would he had written anything about the new administration? Would he have supported Obama? It seems like writers today have lost all their gusto. Us writers can't write whatever we want because there are these things called slander and libel. Are there any really great writers emerging today? The kind that will leave a legacies like Thompson and Vonnegut, etc, did? I don't think so. It's like the writing well has dried up. Thompson fabricated a lot of things but that was just who he was. It really frustrates me as a writer that I have to censor myself. I keep thinking about the Myopenbar debacle, and it doesn't make sense. I'm kinda glad it happened because it proved people are such pussies today. In the 60s and 70s, people protested wars and got all angry...but today, everyone plays it safe. They are afraid to speak the truth. Journalists have gotten soft. And it's like we write something a bit offensive and everyone goes nuts. I'm still not sorry it got published, but we had to apologize to our readers for it. I mean, have you seen the rims on his limo? Um, yeah. Sometimes I wish I lived in a different decade or another country. Even on this blog, I have to censor myself. I can't talk shit about people. Maybe I should write a book where I talk shit about everything but veil it as "fiction." I think that's the only way my true voice will ever be heard.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to February. I think February will be a much better month than January. I will be glad when Mercury Retrograde is over in a couple of weeks. Next month, there will be some cool celebrations to look forward to. I will feel much better when I get things in order, especially travel plans and finances.

The Tundra of Chicago

2009-01-19T13:15:00.002-06:00

I really can't believe this winter so far. On Thursday, it was probably one of the coldest days on record. The high was around -17, and that didn't include the "real feel." I tried to go to a concert that night, but my car was pretty much frozen to the ground. I took that as a sign not to venture out and risk frostbite. It has warmed up a little. Yesterday it was a balmy 20 degrees. I desperately want to go to Costa Rica or somewhere warm. The boyfriend and I keep talking about it, but nothing has been planned yet. He keeps promising me it's going to happen, but we're still waiting for prices to drop. We'll see. I really want to travel now. We're talking about going skiing sometime, and it looks good for me to maybe get a press pass to SXSW in Austin this year, but like I said, nothing has been set and that depresses me.

A couple of days ago, I had a brainstorm about opening a tater tot shop. Everyone loves tots including me. I think it'd be successful. I could rent out one of the many abandoned storefronts I see in the 'hood. We'd sell all kinds of tots made from all kinds of potatoes and serve them with all kinds of sauces. Of course I know nothing about starting or running a business. I'd want to be the owner but then hire a bunch of people to run the company for me while I reap all the money. Someone told me about a chain fast food restaurant specializing in only chicken finger meals. The guy who started it is a millionaire now. Maybe there's something to it.

Over the weekend, we decided to brave the cold. We ate a good Indian restaurant. It's strange that I'm a such a picky eater, but I do like Middle Eastern type food. I think it's because it was ingrained in me from birth. Saturday night, one of the local music venues gave away 2 hours of free beer. I sure like free beer. That night consisted of me surrounded by three guys. I love it when I'm the only girl and thus get full attention from my guy friends. Last night I went to my first concert of the year (and first in about a month). I think I'm pretty much over going to concerts. I feel like most of the ones I go to are pretty average. Most of the time I'm standing there waiting for it to end (actually, I always want most things to be over). There are very few bands that impress me anymore. It all begins to feel the same after a while. I am trying to see bands that I've never seen live before, but they're not helping me out of my concert rut. Last night was especially weird because I hung out with a friend who had brought a date. It was a first date for them making it awkward for me. I mean, if they were "officially dating," it wouldn't have been awkward--but first dates are always awkward. I just felt like a third wheel all night. It also didn't help that this particular friend was someone I had a history with, and now he's dating. I don't care about the dating part, but sometimes it's weird when you associate someone with being single and suddenly they're with someone. Last night made me think about how I've moved on a lot in the past year. A year ago, I wouldn't have been okay with this date situation but now I am. It does piss me off a little to think, "why didn't this person take me on an actual date? How come I didn't get a dinner out of it?" But, whatever. You just get over things and move on. And I totally have. It's quite healthy, really.

This time tomorrow we will have a new president. I'm getting sick of everyone talking about it, so let's get things rolling. I'm interested to see what Obama is going to do. I do think things will get better from here. Hopefully. I will be glad when this month is over with because the first month of the year always sucks. February will be a much more interesting month with the boyfriend's b-day, V-Day, vacation planning, and winter Saucony starting. Things just need to start picking up, already.

Offending the Masses

2009-01-14T15:01:00.002-06:00

So, yesterday I fucked up. I let something get published that apparently infuriated a lot of people. I did not write what was published, but I did approve it. And today I've been chastised for it. Let's just say what got published was considered racist. Let's just say the joke involved our soon to be president and gold rims. Let's just say a lot of people were unhappy. I've been beating myself over this for the past 20 hours. I couldn't sleep last night as a result. I'm awesome at beating myself up. Seriously. I should get paid to do so. I'm glad I didn't get fired for letting what happened happen, but it makes me think a lot about race and the mentality of people.

You see, if a black person calls another black person the "n" word, it's acceptable. If a white person calls a black person the "n" word, people freak out. Racism is everywhere. It's in The Onion and on Curb Your Enthusiasm and on the Chappelle Show and 30 Rock and Stuff White People Like. And it's funny. But not everyone gets these jokes. Ever since we've elected a black president, suddenly everyone has become so serious. People like to pretend they're not racist and that we're living in a post-racial America, but it's not true. Why do we still lock our doors when we drive through a "bad part of town?" How come affluent white people live on the North side of Chicago while poor black people reside on the South side? There is an imaginary line, people, and no one wants to discuss it anymore. Electing a black president doesn't make us less racist. I also believe there's a difference between racism and satire. A fine line, maybe. I think what we published was satirical in nature. I really hate this double standard happening in our country. It pisses me off. Anyway, I'm going to have to exercise better judgement in the future and use more censorship. If we lived in any other country than America, these comments would be okay. At least I know where the line resides.

Besides dealing with this debacle, I'm also dealing with subzero temps. I seriously don't understand why I live in Chicago. I look out the window and all I see is frost and ten inches of snow. It's painful to walk down the street. This entire winter is bumming me out. The boyfriend and I are in the process of planning a Costa Rican vacation. Our travel agent hasn't found us the best deal yet. I need something to look forward to because right now everything seems a bit disappointing. I'd give anything to be lying on a beach right now. Grr. I also wish I had more money to take even more vacations. I need to figure out a way to do this. I'm trying to pitch article ideas and such, but everything is a bit sluggish right now. I guess I need to hang in there. Try to distract myself with movies and books and thoughts of palm trees.

Despite the chilly temps, I'm going to my first concert in almost a month tomorrow night. It'll be good to get back into the swing of things. Yesterday I interviewed a L.A band. Ah, L.A. I love talking to L.A people. My roommate has pretty much moved out, so the boyfriend and I have upgraded into a better bedroom. We actually have a bed to sleep in! I can't remember the last time I had a real bed to sleep in. I feel like such an adult. We have much more space, now. It's still quite frigid in the apt., though. At least the space heaters work. I'll just be glad when this miserable winter is over. What, three more months of this? Sigh.

California Dreamin'

2009-01-08T01:17:00.005-06:00

This week, I read the book Less Than Zero. It's the first novel by Bret Easton Ellis who also wrote American Psycho. There is a movie based on the book that came out in 1987. The movie sucks. It only maintains about 20-30% of the content of the book. The only good thing about the movie is Robert Downey Jr.'s performance as a junkie. But the ironic thing is Downey had a real life drug problem. Art imitates life. Anyway, the book is set in L.A in the '80s and is about disaffected teenagers. Reading the book makes me nostalgic not only for the '80s but also for California. In the book, the characters go to a lot of locations I'm familiar with including Palm Springs. All of this makes me a little sad.

I keep thinking about how so much of my life--especially my youth--was spent in CA. When my parents divorced, the family would venture out and visit my dad. I remember spending holidays with my family in Palm Springs and San Diego (around the late '80s). I think about spending time in Laguna Beach with my parents. I think about the day my mom bought 10 pairs of shoes from Nordstrom. The book even mentions Camp Beverly Hills, a clothing store I used to own clothes from. Maybe I'm thinking about my childhood experiences in CA because there are flashbacks in the book with the main character spending time in Palm Springs with his family. A thing of the past for them.

In high school when all my friends were going to FL for spring break and vacations, I'd fly out to C.A to see my dad. It was inevitable that I'd move out there, so in 1998 I did. It took me 5 years to come back to the Midwest. I look out the window and see all this snow on the ground and think it'd be so nice to be at Malibu beach right now. I miss the ocean more than anything. It's strange to think I moved away over five years ago. Five years! Where does the time go? Sometimes I think back and wonder if I ever lived there. It feels like a mirage to me. It's also incredulous to think that I went to college out there, that I have a degree from a CA university. Did I really graduate? I think about spending the last year and half in college and going to school full-time and working on tv shows and films 60 hours a week. I think about driving on all stretches of the CA freeway. I think about how 10 years ago this very month was when I went to the Golden Globe Awards and met Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. I have a picture to prove it.

I was a week shy of turning 21 when I moved to L.A and was 26 when I moved back to the Midwest. It was interesting spending my early 20s-mid 20s out there. I haven't been back in over two years and I really need to visit. But I wonder will I remember how to get around?Maybe there are new freeways and shortcuts I don't know about. I dream about L.A once in a while, but in my dreams everything is weird and I feel sorta lonely. As much as I miss L.A sometimes, I know I could never move back there. I never want to work in the entertainment industry or make movies, but I'd still consider writing scripts (like I hope the script I sent to my cousin gets made into a movie).

It's funny to think the boyfriend has never really spent much time in CA. He' s been to the desert, driven through L.A, spent some time in Santa Monica as a kid, but he's never been to SF, San Diego or anywhere else along the coast for that matter. I know I've never been overseas, but going out West seems a little more accessible. It's just strange to think most people I know haven't spent much time in CA. It's like the Bermuda Triangle or something. Maybe I'm a bit privileged for having lived there, but c'mon, there are thousands of miles of amazing coastline to experience. I really want to take the boyfriend out there and show him my CA. I want to take a week and start in San Diego and drive up to SF and show him everything so he'll understand everything. But, I don't know when/if that'll ever happen considering our big trip is the first destination. CA holds a lot of history for me. I think about my dad and how he took care of me when I moved out to L.A and how much I miss him and how I'll never see him again...I think about the ex-boyfriend and how our love bloomed and kinda died there. I think about being 9 years old and sitting in a department store in Rancho Mirage as my mom bought me shoes with palm trees on them. I think about that day my parents and I celebrated Mother's Day on the beach of Laguna. I think about that restaurant Maxwell's we went to at Newport Beach. I think about the night after my friend's wedding that my two friends (one who'd never seen the Pacific) drove to the O.C to see the ocean and then had dinner at a family fave, The Rusty Pelican. Those memories are a bit faded but images I'll never forget. I'm just glad I got to experience them.

So in the dead of winter I think about CA. I think how far I've come since moving to the gritty city of Chicago. Life is surely different out here. I think about when I'll make the trek back out West. I just think about the past in CA and how all of those experiences have led me up to today. And it makes me weep a little, but it also brings me a lot of comfort.

A Clean Slate

2009-01-05T00:02:00.003-06:00

It's only a few days into the new year and everything feels the same. I don't know exactly what I expect, but everything just feels so anti-climatic. The past couple of days, my computer has been really messed up. The browsers keep crashing and won't open properly. This is a serious problem and no one seems to know how to fix it. I have a feeling I'm going to have to get a new computer soon. I just don't understand why things can't work. It makes everything much more stressful. Like I don't even know how I'm going to put the newsletter together this week. Yes, things still suck in 2009.

One thing I do like about a new year is having a clean slate. It's like you can start all over again, anew. The world is your oyster and anything is possible. It's up to you to make things happen. On NYE, I didn't really do much. The boyfriend and I had some champagne and pizza and then decided to go to a party at the last minute. We almost didn't go out at all. The party was fun--nothing special, really. I still don't understand why people pay a $100 to go to a bar and drink when they can just go to a house party. That makes more sense. On Jan. 1st, the world felt quiet. Eerily quiet. It's like the entire city was suffering from a massive hangover. I think it takes a while for things to pick up in the new year. Until next month, I think things might be pretty sluggish. I just want some things to change. I need to be proactive about a lot of things this year, but right now I'm having a hard time getting motivated. I want to start taking better care of myself. I want to figure out a way to sustain myself through my writing. The boyfriend and I are trying to come up with some sort of plan, but we got nothing so far. I want things to improve in the new year, somehow. I just need to fix things that are broken, both literally and figuratively. It's going to take some work and patience, though. I also need to get together with a lot of people I haven't seen in a while.

I also really want to travel in the new year. For some reason, I'm really obsessed with going to Luxembourg. The boyfriend says we can go if I really want to. I guess I need to think this through because I don't wanna get all the way over there and realize that it sucks. I'm torn between taking an European vacation versus a Caribbean one. Going overseas is more of a priority for me. I guess we'll see where we can get the best deal.

In the past few days, I've been trying to catch up with movies. I watched Revolutionary Road online and thought it was good but not great. I read the book a few years ago and fell in love with it. I think the acting is really strong in the movie, and it has all the makings of an Oscar film, but in the end, I was just a little disappointed. On New Year's Day, the boyfriend and I went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. The movie was sold out. Guess everyone else had the same idea. Once again, I thought it was a well-made film, but it was way too long and sentimental. It reminded me a lot of Forrest Gump--probably because the same guy who wrote Forrest wrote this one. I do like the idea of aging backwards, though. The other night I watched The Wrestler, which I think is probably the best new movie I've seen lately. Mickey Rourke is really great in it. The movie is kinda depressing (like both aforementioned movies. What is it with the end of the year and depressing movies?) but in a good way. There are so many other movies I need to eventually see.

Anyway, Christmas vacation is over. Back to the grind. Here's hoping things start improving soon.

The New Year

2008-12-31T01:38:00.007-06:00

(This is a picture from the movie When Harry Met Sally. It has one of my fave NYE scenes in it.)

It is officially New Year's Eve 2008 and yet another year is about to expire. I use to freak out at the end of the year about everything, especially what I hadn't accomplished. Since I'm older, I don't panic as much as I use to because there's nothing you can do about time passing by. Tonight will be my fourth NYE in Chicago and I must say, I'm not expecting much. Sometimes I wish I could have an old fashioned NYE, like get all dressed up, go to some swanky ball, and dance the night away to Sinatra. Chicago offers lakefront NYE dinner cruises, but they are expensive and I don't want to ring in the new year with strangers. NYE just seems like another going out night -- nothing special really. Tonight I'm probably going to a dinner party and then a couple of other parties. Like I said, nothing special.

It's been quite a year. I must say, 2008 will go down as one of the most unexpected years in my life. I never thought in a million years that I'd find love again, or become an editor, or go to New England, yet these are all things I wanted at some point in my life. It's definitely been a strange and interesting year.

I had a hunch that maybe 2008 would be my year when I woke up on New Year's Day with a certain someone. Even though things didn't last, it gave me a sense of optimism that lasted maybe 48 hours then quickly wore off. But it was that incident that propelled me to think maybe, just maybe, I'd get it right in the relationship front this year. I remember talking to my then single girlfriend about how we deserve better and how 2008 should be all about "girl power." Well, I guess it worked because we both ended up finding right guys this year. In fact, I know quite a few people who stumbled into relationships this year. I have one friend who recently got engaged. Maybe there are some good men left in this world.

Sometimes it's still strange for me to think I have a serious boyfriend, especially with all the bullshit and douchery I had to trudge through in the past two years of singledom. Some of it was fun, but most of it ended in disappointment. If I'm never single again, I think I will be happy. It's just too hard out there. And it's even stranger to think that the boyfriend and I ended up together considering he was never really an option. We did spend last NYE together and I believe at one point we did kiss, but I didn't think much of it. It's sorta nice knowing in advance who you'll go home with after the stroke of midnight. I take a lot of comfort in that. So, I think the biggest change for me this year (and probably the best thing to happen) was finally getting together with the boyfriend. In hindsight, it just made a lot of sense. The more I think about it, it didn't come out of nowhere. It had been bubbling for quite some time. Even though we're happy, I still worry about the year ahead. I keep analyzing everything to death. I just hope we get to travel the world together and that things will keep progressing for us.

Another big thing that happened was me becoming editor in chief of Myopenbar. This was another thing I didn't see coming. There were definitely times when I still a writer that I thought about quitting because I felt I wasn't getting enough out of it. But when the opportunity arose for me to advance, I tentatively grabbed the reins. And I'm glad I did. The past few months have been quite an adventure and adjustment, but every week I get a lot of satisfaction in putting something together. I really hope in the new year, MOB grows and expands and makes everyone a lot of money and brings a lot of drunks happiness.

Also this year, I finally secured my own apartment. Well, as close to having my own place as I can get right now. Thankfully, I moved away from those dirty boys and found a cheap pad to rent. For the next few months, it'll be my place (even though I'm still worried I'm going to die from carbon monoxide poisoning). I just hope the boyfriend and I can live together harmoniously. I'm also going to start cooking more. For Xmas, my mom gave me a cooking scrapbook filled with all of her fave recipes. I think I owe it to the boyfriend to at least try to cook some new things. My kitchen is small and there isn't a lot of counter space, so we'll see how that goes.

This year I feel a lot of seeds were planted. I remember back in January, the year didn't get off to a great start. It was snowy and cold, and my car got towed, and I was the most broke I'd ever been in my life. I constantly had a negative balance in my account. I'm not sure how I managed to get by, but I did. I definitely learned how to be resourceful and to value money. I hope I'm never that broke again. It surely didn't help that I was interning for free. That's what did me in. But even though January was a bleak month, I still went out a lot with my friends, and wrote a lot. Like I said, the early months of the year I subconsciously planted seeds that bloomed in the spring and fall.

So now the goal is to keep those blossoms growing in 2009...to keep love alive, to stabilize the finances, to write for even more publications--especially more high-profile ones, and just simply keep going and improving. In the new year, I hope to travel the world. I've been saying this for a while, but I really think I will get out of the country. Hopefully sooner than later. I really need to. And this year I promise to read books and write fiction and try to work out and eat healthy and take care of myself. And to somehow make a decent living doing what I love by not having to compromise or sacrifice a lot, especially my dignity.

Besides all the good things that happened this year, there were some more sober events. Two of my best friends left Chicago. I really miss them and wonder when/if I'll ever see them again. When they moved, they took a certain essence with them. Chicago hasn't been quite the same. Then again, it keeps me out of trouble. Other things that happened this year: finally reconnecting with my long, lost cousin, getting paid to go to Lolla, seeing New England, etc, etc.

But most of all, in 2009 I really hope all my loved ones will somehow be okay. I wish the best for everyone.

Surviving Christmas

2008-12-28T17:22:00.004-06:00

After a whirlwind holiday trip through Ohio, I'm happy to report I'm back to Chicago in one piece. For the most part, I had a good holiday, except for the car problems and my apartment door being destroyed by the fire department.

First, let's get the bad stuff out of the way. On the way to OH on Xmas Eve, we were severely plagued with car problems. We took the boyfriend's mom's car. 15 minutes into our drive, the car started to vibrate. So, we took the car to a tire shop. Two tires later, we thought we were all set. Nope. We got to the Indy border and once again, vibration. Not wanting to risk it, we drove all the way back home, switched out cars, and were on our way. All of this set us back about four hours. After much delay, we arrived in Columbus about 9pm OH time. Our families had been anxiously awaiting us. Later in the trip, my roommate informed me the smoke alarm/carbon monoxide detector had been going off in the place. Of course no one was home during this time. We thought we had the problem fixed when it went of again. But this time the fire department had to come and because no one was home, proceeded to literally chop down the front door. The old door is currently setting in the basement. So, now we have a brand new door and carbon monoxide detector. We think the problem stems from the heater oven. In the past couple of weeks, it had been generating an awful lot of soot. I'm wondering what else will go wrong with the apartment. I hope I don't die of monoxide poisoning, but hey, it could happen. So yeah, simply having a wonderful Xmastime!

Now onto the better stuff. Once we made it to Columbus, everything was fine. Everytime I go back to OH, I forget how homogeneous it really is. Two of our families live on golf courses and have very similar homes. We spent Christmas Eve with my family consisting of eating good food, exchanging gifts (my bro got my sister-in-law a stripper pole to workout with. I'm thinking that must be the best gift ever), and watching Burn After Reading. We got up Xmas morning and ate more food. Over the course of the past few days, I've never eaten so much. I'm seriously going on a diet. A couple of hours after eating an early dinner, we had to go to yet another dinner. This time, we went to the boyfriend's uncle's place on a lake 30 minutes away from my brother's. There were a couple of kids there and one asked me what grade I was in. I don't know if this was a compliment or insult. I mean, do I look really young or act immature? Or both? After dinner, we drove to yet another house: the boyfriend's cousin's house. We watched their kid play some Wii. We got up the next day and drove to Dayton. During our trip, every night we slept at a different house. I became pretty disorientated. I also have trouble sleeping at strange houses, so I've been pretty sleep deprived. Also, every house we visited (except for one) had at least one cat, so I got to play with kitties. I still really want one. We visited with my mom in Dayton and then hung out with my friends and watched the horror trilogy Basketcase. So, these are sorta cult horror movies. The first one is campy and bad in a good way, but the sequels are completely tangential and not in a good way. Four hours later, we were Basketcased out. The next morning, we woke up and drove back to the boyfriend's uncle's lake house for dinner. We played Scrabble and then went to bed. Today, we woke up and drove my nephew and ourselves back to Dayton. The boyfriend's mom, my nephew, the boyfriend, and my mom and I had brunch together. This was our moms first time meeting each other. Afterwards, we got in the car and drove back to Chicago. At least the trip back was uneventful. I feel like I've spent the past five days sitting in a car. Luckily, we were able to fit everything in. Now everything has come full-circle as everyone has pretty much met each other.

I'm sorta looking forward to doing nothing until the first of the year. I don't want to travel anywhere or deal with apartment drama or deal with family/adults. I just need to get back into the swing of things. And take a deep breath.

Pre-Christmas Notes

2008-12-23T18:03:00.002-06:00

I can't believe how the snow keeps tumbling down. I really wish I was one of those people who was from a warm and snowless state like CA, AZ, or FL. But instead, I will be trying to keep warm in OH for the next few days. At least OH is a little warmer than Chicago. A little.

Tomorrow morning the boyfriend, his mom and I are driving all the way to Columbus for some holiday cheer. For the first time in several holidays, I'm actually looking forward to the holiday. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact this Xmas is going to be different than most of my past Xmases. We will be celebrating in Columbus with a lot of people. It'll be nice to have someone else host the festivities. Another thing is for the first time in a while, I have a significant other to spend the holidays with. This has given me a weird sense of optimism that I haven't felt in a long time. I think it's given me one less thing to worry about, although I still worry a lot about the relationship. Silly stuff. Being with the boyfriend makes me feel less alone knowing I have him to spend my life with. There's a part of me that's also nervous because I will be meeting more of the boyfriend's family. More than anything, I want his friends and family to like me, especially to accept me more than his past girlfriends. Of course I never really get much feedback, so for all I know, everyone hates me. Ha. He always says I shouldn't care what people think because he doesn't, but I just want everyone to get a long. I also want the boyfriend to fit into my family and social group, and so far so good. I know I'll be happier once the holidays are officially over. Sometimes I wish I could be one of those people who doesn't do anything for Xmas. One of my friends called his family and told them he wasn't coming home this year. Instead, he's going to stay home, order Chinese food, and watch DVDs. I wish I could do that instead of driving all over the place in this God awful weather. He feels obligated to see his family and thus doesn't want to visit them. I don't feel obligated to see my family, but taking a vacation to Fiji instead sounds pretty nice as well. I just hope I can survive the next few days. I also wish I didn't have any work to do until the beginning of the year but that's not going to happen either.

The other night, worlds collided. The boyfriend finally met the ex-boyfriend. Sometimes I feel these things should never happen, but sometimes they just do. My hunch was right: they got along splendidly. It was awkward for me to sit there and compare and contrast the two. I've come to the conclusion I do have a "type" I go for, and I've noticed several parallelisms in my relationships with both of them. But, they are two different people and these are two different relationships. I don't think I could handle meeting any of the boyfriend's exes. I'd probably scratch their eyes out. Angry kitty.

I've been thinking about some self-improvement New Year's resolutions I need to make. First, I really need to quit being so damn stubborn. As I get older, I get even more stubborn. I do have my own way of doing things, but some people think it's the wrong way. I am also aware of my stubborn tendencies, but still do things the wrong way. I suppose I need to be more adventurous with food, like try stuff I think I won't like just to see if maybe, just maybe, I would like it. I'm also going to be better at sticking with plans. If there's something I know I won't be able to commit to, I won't take it on. I need to be better at these things instead of over-booking. I want to write even more in the new year, especially for more high-profile publications. And get paid more. And also force myself to read books and write fiction. Maybe I'll start complaining less and being less negative. Seriously, in the new year, I will do better with these things. Well, maybe.

Year End Reflections: Part One

2008-12-17T00:16:00.007-06:00

One of the perks with the year ending are all the best of lists coming out. It's giving me a chance to listen to all the music I glazed over during the year. I spent several hours last night perusing through Pitchfork's top 100 songs lists. I listened to every song I hadn't heard and rediscovered some of my faves. It can be a little overwhelming trying to hear everything and a lot of the time I don't necessarily agree with critics lists. But, music is so accessible which makes it easy to acquire everything.

Even though it's the end of the year, I think I've been busier this week than I've been in a while. I've had a lot of writing to do. I still have to write a 1,200 piece on a band by early next week and of course continue to promote the shit out of Myopenbar. I think the promoting is working as a lot of publications have been linking to our site recently. It's a never ending job.

There's something strange about the end of the year. There's a certain excitement in the air that quickly dies once January arrives. On Wed, I worked a faux holiday party. I think in some ways, it helped put me in the holiday spirit. The snow and twinkling lights help, too. The next couple of weeks are going to be lost voids of time and space. At the end of the year, people just do their own thing. It's like a black hole sucking people away until the beginning of the year. It's the end and I'm starting to feel nostalgic. I keep thinking about what I did and didn't accomplish this year. I'm trying not to think too much about the new year yet because then I'll really have to work hard at meeting goals. Right now I just want to revel in the year that was and live in the moment. In 2009, things need to be different for me. I want to get into shape. I want things to take off more. I want to travel more. I need to be less stubborn and defiant. I need to visit friends I haven't seen in a long time. I just need to be better all around. But, let's not think about it too much now.

I still don't have definite plans for New Year's Eve. A couple of friends are throwing parties so that's what I'll probably end up doing. NYE is so anti-climatic anyway. I really hate the holiday. It's never what you expect it to be. It's really just another excuse to get drunk except this time with lots of cheap champagne. The strange thing is I spent last NYE with the boyfriend. I think I might've kissed him at some point, but I ended up spending the night with another. Funny.

The other night I was reading through some old Facebook exchanges I had with a girlfriend from February. I came across this message in response to my friend asking me if I liked the boyfriend. This was of course a couple of months before we got together, before he was my boyfriend, and before I'd even consider him in a romantic way.

I don't really like [the boyfriend] that way. We have made out a few times and sometimes he'll be really touch feely with me when we're hanging out, but I'd never sleep w/ him or anything. He's a cool guy to hang out with and I see him being somewhat neutral b/c it's not like we're ever going to end up together at the end of the night. He can be a little aggressive when he's drunk, too. Don't like that.

Oh, the irony. Or maybe I really did like him in that way and was just trying to talk myself out of it? Isn't it funny how you end up with someone you never thought you'd see yourself with? It's like, boom! Why didn't I think of this sooner? Like a romantic comedy where the female is so repulsed by the male that they end up together. Like the scene in Clueless when Alicia Silverstone realizes she's in love with her ex-step brother. It's funny how the thing you think you didn't want becomes the thing you really wanted all along. I like how unexpected and unpredictable life is sometimes. Things just have a way of coming together when you least expect it to. My life has forever been changed as a result. In the new year, it'll be interesting to see how our relationship progresses.

Even though 2009 is on the horizon, I don't feel as panicked as I usually do at the end of the year. I remember when I was a little girl, I'd cry on NYE because I didn't want the year to end. It really upset me to let go and move forward. In my old age, I've learned just to go with the flow of things because you can't stop time. I don't put much weight into these things anymore. We should all be trying to better ourselves all year long. I think the song "Long December" sums things up the best:

"And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last. I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass."

Savoring those passing moments is something I need to learn to cherish more because they just slip on by you. I think my life is so different than it was this time last year. My circle of friends has changed a bit. People have come and gone. There have been new additions. I really do appreciate the people who are still around and in my life. I know a lot of really great folks. I'm in a completely different yet better place, yet I constantly worry about the future and making shit happen for myself. I constantly change my mind about what I want to do with my life. Do I still want to be a music journalist? I'm not sure. Do I want to stay in Chicago indefinitely? I don't know. Do I want to become a DJ or a publicist? Maybe. Do I want to settle down and get married? I'm still on the fence. I'm nowhere near where I want to be or where I think I should be, but I think I'm on the right path. At least I hope so.

The Snow is Falling

2008-12-16T13:30:00.003-06:00

As I write this, I'm looking out the window and watching the snow fall. It's not even winter yet the snow and temperatures keep plummeting. I do like it when it's all snowy around the holidays, but it also really makes me want to hibernate and never go outside. It's the end of the year and everything seems really bleak right now...everything seems cheerless. Every week people are getting laid off. This week alone, I've known two people who've lost their jobs. And the thing is, it's going to get worse before it gets better. I'm sorta glad I don't have to worry about losing a job, but it would be nice to get a severance package and go on unemployment. I also keep thinking there's got to be a way to still make money in these dark times. What do people need the most? Of course there's booze and Myopenbar fulfills that niche, but there's got to be a way to make some serious cash now. I've been trying for years to figure out how to do what I love for a living yet make money in a tolerable way to sustain myself and have the time and energy to do what I love. I haven't come close to figuring it out and maybe I never will. Nothing in life is stable anyway.

Last night we had our Drambuie event. The bar was packed to the gills considering it was freezing out and it was a Monday night. A good time was had by all. There was a burlesque show. I'd never seen one before. The girls took their tops off but were wearing pasties. I'd never have the gumption to get up and "strip" in front of people. I'm too self-conscious. But it's a good way to make money, I suppose. I wish I had a talent like bartending or DJing or stripping. Those are good ways to make money.

I really want to get the holidays over with. The boyfriend and I have coordinated our Xmas schedules and it's a little complicated. We're spending Xmas Eve and Christmas in Columbus dividing the time between my family's and his family's place. We are driving to Columbus next Wednesday with his mom. On the 26th, the boyfriend and I are driving to Dayton to engage in a horror film marathon with my friends visiting from NY. I haven't seen them since last Xmas. Yes, hours and hours of horror movies. It's very Christmasy. Then, we're going back to Columbus on the 27th, spending more time with the boyfriend's family, then coming back to Dayton yet again on the 28th so the boyfriend's mom can meet my mom. Whew. It's going to be a lot of driving around. And hopefully a lot of cool presents. I hope the boyfriend's parents get us flight vouchers but I have a feeling they won't be that generous.

Speaking of travel, the boyfriend keeps asking me where I want to go on our vacation this winter. We're eying Costa Rica, Belize or South America. I have this idea where I really want to go to some random countries no one I know has been. Like Luxembourg. I wrote a paper on the country in my French high school class. There isn't much to do there, but it sounds cool. And I want to go to Lichtenstein and Monaco...places like that. Of course I also really just want to lie on a beach somewhere. So many options. I want to go everywhere. We're hoping since no one has money to travel that resorts will cut us a deal to fill rooms. Even though no one has money to travel, now is probably the best time to do it.

The other night the boyfriend was lecturing me that I need to take better care of myself. This sort of upsetted me. I mean, I know I need to exercise and eat better. I need to find a better form of exercise then just sex. I hate jogging, especially in tundra. I hate going to the gym. If there was an indoor pool nearby I could do laps. Maybe I'll just start jogging in place. And it bothers me the boyfriend is telling me to take care of myself when I'm the one with the low pressure. I don't smoke, I've cut down on my drinking, and I don't eat red meat. I know I'm not the epitome of health--I don't have health insurance so it's hard for me to go to the doctor--but, I could be much worse off.

Tomorrow night I'm working an event for Time Out. Over the summer I worked events for them all the time (no pun intended) but they haven't needed people until now. So, that'll be some extra cash. I'm also suppose to go to a concert tomorrow night. And I still need to interview a band and write a long article on them within the next couple of days. Hopefully I can fit it all in. As much as I want the holidays to be over, I'm also looking forward to spending time with friends and family and just relaxing for a few days--if that's even possible.

Football and Crazies

2008-12-12T00:24:00.005-06:00

Tonight I went to my first-ever Bears game. It was absolutely freezing out. I don't know why people subject themselves to these elements. The boyfriend's family friend had VIP tixs and gave a pair to us. Face value, $305 per tix. No free booze or food included. Um, yeah. The only real benefit is you're near the club section that houses food, booze, and shelter. Even drinking my $6.50 hot chocolate didn't keep me warm enough. There were definitely more men than women at the game and the only benefit to this was no lines for the women's bathroom. The men had to wait, though. Thankfully, we left before the game ended. It was cool to see Soldier Field, but I don't think I'll be back anytime soon. I know nothing about sports and I don't really care. I would like to eventually attend a Bulls and White Sox game, but I know I'll get bored five minutes into it.

I've been busy lately trying to promote more Myopenbar stuff. I've had some luck getting us press, but it's definitely a lot of work. I'm hoping the site will take off and that I can get paid more. Incentive! I also want a MOB office in Wicker Park. That's the goal for the new year. Looks like we're going to participate in another Saucony League except this time winter games instead of summer. And more free shoes! On Sunday, one of my NY bosses is flying into town and taking all of us writers out to dinner. On Monday, we're throwing a Drambuie party with three hours of free drinks. I'm sure we'll talk more about promoting the site. Sometimes I think I should go into PR, but I don't know. I did interview for a PR gig earlier in the year but didn't get it. I really need to find something where I can do what I want and make enough money to sustain myself. I keep thinking I just need a benefactor to take care of me. That's what I really want. The boyfriend has a rich family friend (the one who gave us Bears tixs). I want her to give me a monthly salary, like a grant, so I can write all the time. I mean, it's a good idea. It'd be tax deductible and she'd also be supporting the arts at the same time. But, I know this is just a silly fantasy of mine that'll never come true. In this financial crisis, some people still have money to burn and I think they should burn it on me. But, whatever.

It looks like I've picked up another writing gig. It pays to network sometimes and I'm hoping this will be a good thing. I just gotta keep at the writing despite all the odds against me, especially with the publishing industry falling apart. I still can't believe this whole Blago scandal. What the hell is wrong with IL? I mean, first we scored big time with Obama but then this happens. I guess you have to take the good with the bad. On some level, I like all the hoopla surrounding our fine city. Never a dull moment in Chicago that's for sure.

I wish I could go on vacation. I'm already sick of the cold and snow. I want to have some real down time where I don't have to respond to emails or turn in assignments...nothing. I need to catch up on some movies. The Golden Globes were announced today. I really want to see "Frost/Nixon" and "Revolutionary Road" and "Doubt" and "Tropic Thunder." I'm going to watch "Thunder" online. I still need to go Xmas shopping. I think I need to engage in more holiday activities, too. It just doesn't feel Christmasy enough, although I went to a nice Xmas party last weekend and I'm going to one this weekend with egg nogg. Yum. Sunday morning, I'm having brunch with the boyfriend, his parents, their rich family friend, and one of the boyfriend's friends. Talk about a high class brunch. I know the entire time they're just gonna talk politics. I'll just sit there quietly and politely while sipping on my mimosa.

So, over the weekend I re-watched "Fatal Attraction." I've seen it before, but hadn't seen it in a while. I noticed it was featured as a "Hulu for the Holidays" movie online. After watching it, I became irate. So, Michael Douglas' character is such a selfish bastard. He has a great wife, kid, and job but he almost throws it all away with a one night stand. It's like he does it because he can. And of course he picks the craziest bitch he can find. In one scene, Glenn Close slits her wrists because she doesn't want her lover to leave. If that's not a red flag, I don't know what is. He should've run straight out that door. And the worst part is the wife forgives him even though he boned some psycho bitch who boils the family bunny and tries to kill her. If that ever happened to me, I'd be phoning my lawyer right away. I also realized it's a cautionary tale. I think every man should see this movie. On the flip side, the same director also directed "Unfaithful" which is about a woman cheating on her husband just because she can. She does it because she's a bored, suburban housewife. Richard Gere is good looking, so what's the problem? Of course she is presented with a hot, French guy and we all know they're irresistible. And the ironic thing is both films end with the lover dying. Figures. Well, the moral of the story is don't cheat on your spouse no matter how attractive some random person is. There will be deadly consequences.

I gotta compile my best albums of the year list. So hard. I'm more of a song person than an album person. I haven't even heard everything this year, but I have a good idea of what I'll pick. I also need to pick my top shows of the year, which is even harder considering I probably went to at least 40, if not more, shows this year. If you include seeing bands at festivals, it's definitely closer to the 50 range. In the new year, I'm going to go to less shows. It seems like the same bands keep coming into town. It's like, go away and let me miss you. The exception of course is Cut Copy. They're coming back in March and I will be there, faithfully as always.

Network

2008-12-05T16:11:00.003-06:00

I think the theme of this week has been networking, which is probably a good thing. I've been busy trying to get things with Myopenbar off the ground. I think the hardest part of getting any business going is the grass roots approach. It's just finding people to work with and figuring out ways to make money. I feel like I'm underpaid for all the work I'm doing, but I keep hoping in the long run, it'll pay off--literally. I'm starting to do a lot more promoting of the site. We have a big event on the 15th. And eventually I'll have to start selling ads. At the same time, it'll be nice to build something up from scratch. Maybe someday I can look back and see what I accomplished. At least that's the plan.

I've also decided to bring on yet another writer. You see, there's a local music blog I love. I read it all the time. The other day I was on there and noticed the girl who runs it had a link to Myopenbar. Curious, I emailed her about it. Turns out she loves our site. Turns out she wants to write for us. So, boom--I have another writer. I'm excited because it's kinda like having your fave celebrity come work for you. We're also talking about curating some music showcases with MOB attached. Networking can be pretty easy. All it takes sometimes is a simple email, a simple reach out, and then before you know it, things are happening.

Last night, the boyfriend and I went to a free whiskey party. I went because I wanted to meet the editor of the publication that was throwing it. Once again, this is where networking came into play. I'd received an email about the event. I always try to email these folks back thanking them. And sure enough, this guy writes for the publication, told me he loves MOB, and told me to come to the party and meet the editor. So I did. I'm hoping I'll get a chance to write for them. And it pays. Score! If only everything in life was this easy.

Also this week, I've been trying to finish a very much overdue project. I feel bad it's taken me this long to get to it, but it seems my editors have completely forgot about it. I just want to get it done at this point. I guess I subscribe to the "better late than never" adage. I really need to be better about getting things done, or not commit to things at all. That's going to be one of my goals in the new year.

This weekend, I'm going to a Christmas party. We're doing one of those white elephant exchanges. Next week, there seems to be even more free drink events. At some point I need to go Xmas shopping. It's been very cold here. I really hate that's it's winter already. I need to take a trip somewhere warm, stat.

In other news, my roommate is "moving out" come Jan. 1st meaning I'll be taking over as sole subletter until June when the lease runs out. I'm not sure what exactly is going to change, but I'll be responsible for paying the entire rent. Luckily the boyfriend has agreed to pay half of the rent. I'm still a little worried about all of this. I'm not saying he'll back out, but it's just gonna be my name on the sublet, so anything can happen. I guess I have to hope for the best. At least I have a few months to figure things out, like what I'll do when the lease is finally up.

It seems like recently, I keep reading news stories about girlfriends/boyfriends doing horrible things to each other. I read an article about a man throwing a hot pie at his girlfriend. Today I read something about a man attacking his girlfriend with a cheeseburger. I keep wondering why any of this is news. Is it just a warning to us? Like how crazy couples can be? I'm surprised some of the shit that I've pulled or have had pulled on me hasn't made the news yet. All of this stories are sorta funny. A cheeseburger? Really? Get over yourself, already.

Home for the Holidays

2008-11-30T15:14:00.006-06:00

The past few days of T-giving and post T-giving have gone by fast. On Wednesday afternoon, the boyfriend and I drove all the way to Ohio. I hadn't been home since the summer, so it was nice to chill for a couple of days. On T-giving, we ate a lot of good food prepared by my mom. On Friday, we drove all the way back to OH. The holiday was pretty uneventful. Sometimes, I really miss being at home. Like the saying goes, there's no place like home. I wish I could've stayed longer. My mom and the boyfriend bonded and they seem to like each other even if my mom talks about weird things like past lives. My mom even thinks the boyfriend is a good influence on me. I don't know if anyone have ever called him a good influence before. Ha. Needless to say, it was quality time.

Friday night, the boyfriend's nieces were in town so we entertained them with dinner and a comedy show. We went to a new restaurant called Powerhouse and then saw a wacky version of A Christmas Carol. Saturday night, the boyfriend, his parents, the nieces, his sister and brother in law and I went to dinner at Takashi. It's a good Japanese fusion place that we've all been to before. In fact, I wrote about it here. The sister and husband know the chef so we got some complimentary desserts. A good time was had by all. Today, we had brunch at the East Bank Club. I've spent the past two Sundays having brunch. I think I should get brunch every Sunday. I've also had nothing but free meals for the past five days. You can't beat that.

On T-giving, I finally watched the movie Home for the Holidays. I'm not sure why I've never seen it because it has quickly became one of my fave holiday movies (second to A Christmas Story, of course). I guess I can relate to a lot of it. The main character lives in Chicago. She's trying to do something creative with her life. Her entire family is a little nutty. I think every family is a bit nutty and dysfunctional, myself and my family included. A constant theme in the film is getting older. Yes, we are all getting older whether we like it or not. I can't believe another year has gone by. It makes me sad to think of my family aging, but it's a part of life. Some of my fave quotes from the movie: "I'm giving thanks that we don't have to go through this for another year. Except we do, because those bastards went and put Christmas right in the middle, just to punish us." Funny and true. "We don't have to like each other. We're family." That quote makes a lot of sense to me. Who says you have to like your family? I guess my family isn't as dysfunctional as other families I know, but they aren't perfect either. I think this clip from the movie sums up what it's all about. It's like no matter what, the people who really love you will love you for your sack of crazy. They love you for all your issues and simply who you are--even if you are different people. And I think that's what not only the holidays are about, but life in general. I take a lot of comfort in knowing this because goddamn, I surely have my sack of crazy to carry around. Actually, it's more like a tote bag or carry on bag.

Christmas will soon be here. In a matter of weeks. I haven't begun to shop for gifts and I probably won't be buying much at all. I'm looking forward to spending more time with the family. I'd like to spend some time with my friends, too. Lately, I've been thinking about the future. What will my life be like this time next year? I asked the boyfriend if he thought we'd still be together this time next year and he responded with, "I don't know." It wasn't the answer I wanted to hear, but it rings true. I mean, who knows what'll happen. There are a lot of variables and uncertainty. I never imagined my life would be the way it is. I never thought I'd be an editor or have a boyfriend. I guess it's impossible to plan too far into the future because as we all know, plans change. People change. Life happens. I guess we just have to take things as they come and try to plan accordingly. Hope for the best. Positive thoughts. I tell myself these things, but I still can't help worrying all the time. Sometimes I wish my life was a little more certain in some areas. I wish I had more stability at times, but I know I'd get bored if my life was too routine and set.

Today, I was shocked to discover the boyfriend doesn't wash his hair everyday. I think it's gay that he likes taking baths, but not washing hair? He does wash the hair a couple of times a week, though. Am I weird because I wash my hair every time I shower? Maybe not washing hair is a guy thing. I know of other guys who don't wash their hair regularly, and no, they aren't hippies. I should take a poll and find out who does and doesn't wash their hair.

In the new year, I hope to travel a lot more. The boyfriend and I are trying to plan a big out of the country trip this winter. Having not traveled to a lot of countries really bothers me, considering he and his entire family has been everywhere. I feel so uncultured. I need to explore the world and see what else is out there. I'm tired of living vicariously through everyone else. At least I can thrill people with my experiences in L.A. At least I have that going for me. It's pretty foreign to some people.

Tomorrow is the first day of December and the last month of the year. It's getting darker and colder out. We're suppose to get six inches of tomorrow. Yikes! I have some holiday parties and festivities coming up. Myopenbar is doing a Drambuie event in a couple of weeks, which I will help out with. I just hope the year ends nicely with opportunity, money, love and cheer. And a trip to somewhere warm.

Inappropriate Behavior

2008-11-24T16:24:00.003-06:00

On Friday night, I experienced turtle racing at a bar. I think it's the only bar in town that hosts such an event. Basically, whenever you buy a drink, you get a ticket. If your number is called, you get assigned to one of six turtles. The winning turtle gets you a free t-shirt and the losing turtle gets you a free drink (so you kinda want your turtle to lose). Turtles are let out of a box and scurry across a table. The first turtle to hit the edge of the table is deemed the winner. There's a turtle named Jolanda that is the slowest turtle ever. If you get assigned her, you're guaranteed to win a free drink. One of my friend's won a free drink. It's such an insane concept, but the bar was packed and people love it. I wouldn't mind to go back again.

Also over the weekend, the boyfriend dragged me to see the new Bond film. Considering I haven't seen Casino Royale or any Bond film since the Timothy Dalton era, I was sorta lost. But, I think Daniel Craig makes a good Bond. I like the movie was written and directed by Oscar pedigrees Paul Haggis and Marc Forster. I still was bored, though.

I'm glad it's an abridged week. I'm looking forward to spending time with the family this week. I'm sick of the status quo of everything. Sometimes I just feel like I'm going through the motions. I'm already sick of the cold and sick of it getting dark early. Just sick of the weekly routine.

Lately, I've been having some relationship issues. I think the hardest part of being in a relationship is constantly feeling vulnerable. Most relationships are fragile and it's devastating if it doesn't work out. I'll admit I'm a constant worrier. I can't sleep at night because I worry so much. I'm a control freak. I'm insecure. I take everything personally. I suffer from paranoia, too. Sometimes when I'm sleeping alone at my place, I worry a killer is going to break in and murder me. I'm just a neurotic mess. I think sometimes I just prepare for the worse because if something bad happens, at least you can say you saw it coming. So, I feel this way about my relationship. I'm an insanely jealous person and sometimes react poorly. This is something I need to control better, but today I was thinking about male-female relationships and what's deemed inappropriate and appropriate when you're dating or married to someone. A part of being in a relationship is not being able to do what you want. If you wanted to do whatever you want, don't be in a relationship. Be single. That's the point of it. There needs to be boundaries and rules set. So, I was thinking, is it appropriate for a boyfriend/husband to have female friends? I mean, I don't see the point in it. It's unnecessary. It's one thing if you're dealing with the opposite sex in a business sense, but on a personal level not so much. I think it's okay to have "acquaintances" like be cordial to your significant others' friends and such, but is it okay to say, go out and get a drink with an attractive, single female when you have a significant other waiting at home? What's the point in doing that? If you have a significant other, you don't need these people. It can only lead to inappropriate behavior. Maybe I've seen too many movies or read too many books or seen it happen to friends, but men and women cannot be just friends. I know how it starts. An innocent conversation isn't so innocent. My mind is too warped and chaotic to relax about it. I'm not saying this has happened--because it hasn't--but it's something that shouldn't happen in any context.

So, is it okay for your boyfriend to engage in a 20 min. conversation, alone, with an attractive, single female the boyfriend just met when the girlfriend and the rest of the group are all hanging out across the room? I don't think so. I think my problem is I need the attention. I need to be showered in it or I get upset. I've always been this way. When I was little, I'd get so upset if my parents gave attention to another child. I worried that would entail them liking the other child more than me. I know that seems fucked up, but it's the way I've always felt. So, if the boyfriend is giving too much one-on-one attention to a female, the green headed beast appears. He should always be giving me the most attention of any female in the room. I guess these are my issues that I need to work through. Sometimes, I don't trust myself. In the past, I've been guilty of putting myself in compromising positions and I don't want to do that anymore. So, I avoid them. They are unnecessary to engage in. Did I mention I'm a little nutty? But if something makes you uncomfortable, you need to fix the situation so you don't feel that way anymore. I don't know if I can fix my jealously, but I can fix my behavior. The road to recovery is a long and hard one.

The End is Near

2008-11-20T17:21:00.004-06:00

I can't believe a week from today will be T-giving. I seriously don't know how it suddenly became the end of the year. During summers, I will have dreams about it being the end of the year. In my dreams, I'm panicked because it's the end of the year and I feel nervous that I haven't accomplished anything. Then I wake up and sigh relief that it's only summer and it's still warm out. But, now those dreams are a reality. Last weekend it snowed for the first time. Luckily the sun has been out, but I can feel the bitterness in the air. It's just gonna get worse from here on out. I want to hibernate.

I feel like everything has come to a screeching halt in terms of work and projects. There are a lot of holiday orientated events coming up, but I think a lot of places are wrapping up work for the year or just can't afford to pay people. There aren't even a lot of concerts I want to go to in the next few weeks. I feel like I'm constantly waiting on things. I'm still waiting to start doing all that Myopenbar networking I've been talking about. I'm trying to organize an open bar for a concert in December and now am waiting to hear back from the venue. I don't like waiting. I just want to get the ball rolling on things. Looking back at the past year, I don't think I've accomplished everything I wanted to. I sorta feel like there were more things I could've done. Jobs I wanted but didn't get. Publications I wanted to write for, yet nothing materialized. Books I wanted to read. Places I wanted to travel. Short stories I wanted to write but didn't. All of these things make me feel inadequate. Why didn't I do more this year? Will I finally accomplish these things next year? I have a tendency to focus on the negative side because it just eats away at me, but there were a lot of things I did accomplish this year. Really great things. I will discuss those things in another post closer to the end of the year.

For the holidays, I'm venturing to OH for a couple of days. The boyfriend is coming with me. He doesn't understand why I want to go all that way for two days and then return for Christmas. He doesn't understand that I use to go home once a month for a couple of years straight. It's not a big deal. It's the holidays. We are coming back on that Friday and then entertaining his cousins, er, nieces who will be in town. It's strange because they are 19 and 23, yet they are his nieces. I think we're taking them out to dinner and then doing something else. I have no idea where to take them after dinner that doesn't involve drinking. No clue at all. Bowling? I hate bowling. An improv show? My plans for Xmas have been finalized, too. I will be spending my first Xmas ever in Columbus. My brother has caved this year and for the first time ever, has decided to host Xmas at his house. This will make everything much easier on the boyfriend and I (who also has family in Columbus.) I still hate the holidays and just want them to be over, but maybe for once, I won't be as depressed and disappointed like I was in past years.

This week, Myopenbar changed the format of their newsletter. This involved me having to add a lot more pics to it, but I did a good job. I felt proud of it. I'm a little disappointed that my writers don't want to hang out with me, or at least when I email them, hardly anyone will respond. I've been trying to coral all of the writers to get together and hang out (as not all of them have met each other yet), but no one seems to want to. I think MOB has changed a lot since two of our key staffers have moved away. It's definitely not as debaucherous as it once was (which is fine by me), but no one hangs out anymore. I'm suppose to host a Christmas party for the MOB writers, and I'm almost hesitant to do so because I'm afraid no one will come. I give up. At least I tried.

Sometimes I feel like I fell asleep in 1995 and just woke up. I've tracked down a lot of high school pals on Facebook and they're like, "so, what have you been up to since high school?" This entails me summing up the past 13 yrs of my life in 3-4 sentences. The past decade of my life can be summarized in a few sentences? Good grief. It's like, "Well, I moved to L.A, went to film school. That didn't work out, so I somehow ended up in Chicago. I write a lot. I'm not married. No kids. Don't really want that stuff. Um, yeah. Well, your kids are beautiful!" It's weird to find out what's happened to everyone. I wasn't good at staying in touch with friends and now a lot of people are married with kids. How did this happen? It's all such a blur. And what will the next 13 yrs of my life be like?

Here are some things I want for Xmas: to never sneeze again, to never have trouble sleeping, lots of money, a trip out of the country, texting gloves, to be skinnier, a computer that worked well, new clothes, to not freeze to death. Well, maybe I don't know what I want.

Tomorrow night, I think I'm going to a bar with some friends to check out turtle racing. Yes, you read that right. I hope the losers aren't made into turtle soup. I will report back with more details and maybe pictures.

Fall Doldrums

2008-11-12T14:33:00.006-06:00

It seems like at the end of the year, everything comes to a screeching halt. During the first couple of months of the new year, everything continues to be sedentary. So, basically, we really only have 8-9 months of productivity in a year. It's beginning to get cold outside, but with the leaves falling and rain instead of snow, it still feels like autumn. I know winter will rear its ugly head soon enough.

I simply can't believe the holidays are upon us again. Didn't we just celebrate Christmas two months ago? It sure feels like it. I can't even remember most of what happened this year. It's like remembering in flashes or segments. Maybe I only really was alive for a month of the year. I really want the holidays to be over. And winter. I want things to pick up and stop being so uneventful and boring. Part of me just wants to start hibernating. I want to watch movies and read books and that's about it. Saturday night, I couldn't muster myself to go out. I was suppose to go to a show and a party but decided to stay in instead. I haven't really been in the mood to go to concerts, but I'm supposed to go to one tomorrow night and maybe Sat. I don't know exactly what I'd like to happen at this point, just something worth talking about. Positive stuff, though. Maybe some stuff with my writing. I'd like to make a lot of money because I'm always stressed about it. I'd like to do certain things differently because I always feel like I start back at square one and am just running around in circles.

Today I went to the "doctor" and got my annual female exam. I hope everything checks out okay. I hate that because I'm in my early 30s now, I really have to watch myself. If I was 29, getting exams wouldn't be such a big deal. I really wish I had health insurance because going to the doctor is expensive but necessary. I realized I need to lose like 10 lbs. I don't know how to do this since I hate working out and I love my carbs. I don't wanna try a fad diet, either. Maybe I'll just stress myself out so much I'll drop the weight. I'm good at that. I guess I could cut down on the drinking, but I really don't drink as much as I use to. At the beginning of the year, my goal was to be healthier this year. That went out the window pretty fast. That and jogging.

I think the thing I really want to focus on now is the My Open Bar stuff I have to do. I feel like I'm waiting, though. I need to start selling ads and promoting the shit out of the site, but I'm waiting for my bosses to send me the materials needed. I just want to get it off the ground, already. Luckily, I know a few people in sales who can give me advice on how to be a savvy businesswoman. I think this will entail attending a lot of events, networking, passing out biz cards, and face to face meetings. I guess I have to try not to think about it too much and just delve in. Hopefully I can easily sell ads and make some money from it. So, right now I just feel like I'm waiting...waiting, waiting.

In the meantime, I've been watching a lot of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I've always heard good things about that show. I started watching it a week ago and absolutely love it. It's a younger mix of Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm, yet meaner and more absurd. I've gotten through the first season and most of the fourth season. I'm also really getting engrossed in True Blood. With each episode, I like it more and more. It seems to get weirder and weirder, too. Maybe that's what I like about it.

Why I Write

2008-11-08T09:35:00.006-06:00

In my previous post, someone left some comments saying that my blog writing didn't have any "depth," that all I write about on here are "beer and relationships," that this person is "ashamed to read my blog" and then compared it to a "car crash." I'm someone who doesn't take criticism very well. I want everyone to like me and my writing. But all reactions are good. If I write something and someone responds to it, then I've done my job. I want to address and clarify some things. First, this person didn't like how I mentioned wanting some sort of carnage to happen at Grant Park. Guess what? Don't take anything I write on here too seriously. I have a pretty dark sense of humor. I mean, on a daily basis I threaten to stab my boyfriend. Of course I would never do it (or would I?) and he thinks it's funny. What relationship isn't based on violence? (That's another joke, by the way). I mean, I did threaten my ex-boyfriend with broken glass once, but that's a different story. I think everyone is interested in destruction or they wouldn't watch movies like "Cloverfield" or read post-apocalyptic fiction. There's a dark part in all of us. Of course I would never want people I cared about to get hurt, but in my mind I can. Lighten up.

Second point. So, I started this blog almost two years ago because someone told me it'd make me a better writer and force me to write everyday. I'm the kind of person that always has a lot going on in my life. I have a million thoughts racing through my brain every second. Writing a blog helps me cohesively put my thoughts together. It's also a means for friends and family to keep abreast of what's going on in my life. My mom reads my blog, yunno. It's a way for people to start a dialogue with me. And I do think my life is pretty interesting as I'm always doing stuff. I know a lot of people who have "real" blogs where they discuss politics or post mp3s, but I've taken a different approach. I know it's narcissistic of me to have an entire blog dedicated to myself, but it's only one facet of me as a writer. Most of the writing I do is entertainment journalism. I also write personal narratives. Like this one. And I have a fiction blog. And for the past three years, I've been trying to write a book that has nothing to do with myself. And I write screenplays. That's what my degree is in. It's about other people. My blog isn't going to change the world. In fact, my blog has angered a lot of people. My style is throwing it all out there. I'm not ashamed of who I am. Of course I'm always afraid the wrong people will read this blog, like potential employers, (this blog is Googleable) so I do have to practice with some acumen. I've been trying to be better at being more private. I'm not in the business of ruining lives.

So when someone says my writing has no depth, I get offended. I think my writing on here does have depth. I've written a lot of emotional and even incendiary posts. I feel things. I express myself on here. I know I wrote about politics in my last post and apparently this person thinks my writing should be more politically based, but that's not who I am. I write about experiences and observations and the other day I happened to experience something politically related. I've been more interested in politics since the election, though. I find it all sorta interesting. But I'm not going to start writing about it. It's a subject I'd rather not delve too deep into. I don't really know enough about the political system to talk or write about it so it's best if I keep my mouth shut. People get so uppity about politics. My ex-boyfriend got very political the last couple of years we were together. He never wanted to talk about anything else. It's one reason we didn't last. It's a subject I'd just rather leave alone.

And yes, I guess I do write about beer and relationships a lot on here, but they are my life. I'm an editor of an alcoholic website for fucksake. And you know what? It serves a purpose. In this economic crisis, people need to know where they can get the free stuff. Just because you're poor doesn't mean you can't have fun. There again, it's for entertainment value. I go out a lot. I drink. I write about it. And relationships. How can one not write about relationships? Every single person is affected by relationships on a daily basis whether it's the romantic, friendship, work or family kind. It's all intertwined. So, I write about my relationships. They are important to me.

And now "car crash." Okay, my life might be a bit of a car crash at times. I understand the novelty in reading something for entertainment value. For instance, I think "Grey's Anatomy" is a stupid show yet I watch it every week. Same way I used to watch "The O.C" and "Sex in the City." Or people who watch "Gossip Girl." It's all very superficial, yet it serves a purpose. Just as my blog does. If you want to read my blog to kill time at work, that's fine. If you want to read it to get pissed off, do it. If you want to read it to stalk me, fine. I don't care why you read just as long as you do.

I'm not going to apologize for writing without "depth" or being a "car crash." This is who I am. I'm hyperbolic. I'm mean-spirited. I hate everything. And if you don't get that, don't read my blog. But if you do get it, stay with me. It's an experience you won't soon forget.

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And with that said, I went to a free booze event last night. It was a grand opening of an overpriced restaurant. We had free wine and food. We played pool. I suck at pool. And we got gift bags. Tonight I'm probably going to a concert and then a party where I'll drink more booze. I didn't spend a dime last night.

I'm also going to try to start writing for inflight airline magazines, yunno, the ones you read on US Air and Southwest. And I want to write for AAA Living magazine. Yes, AAA has a magazine. And they pay writers. Apparently all of these mags pay really well. And I think writing for them would be less competitive than writing for Chicago publications. Hell, I could even write about Chicago for them. I could be the Chicago correspondent. One magazine will even cover all of your travel expenses. I need to think of some exotic locations I want to go to and then see if they'll send me there on assignment. I think travel writing is where it's at. These magazines have all kinds of sections to write for, not just travel based. Hopefully I'll have some luck.

This is also my 250th post!! Ding, ding ding.

I Was There

2008-11-05T14:13:00.005-06:00

Yesterday, on an unseasonably warm and sunny November day, there was a certain fervor in the the city of Chicago. Never before had I seen people so excited for an election before. All day, everyone's Facebook statuses spoke of election orientated stuff. Facebook even kept a counter of how many members voted. Never before had an election been as important as the one yesterday. I don't consider myself a political person at all--in fact, I hate talking about politics--but I got kinda interested in the circus over the past couple of days. Usually when people elect a president, it's between the lesser of two evils. But this year, I felt we finally had an adequate candidate in Obama. People are excited about him. People are comparing him to Reagan and FDR and JFK. People really wanted him in office. As a friend said, if we couldn't elect a democrat this time around, then there was no hope.

The best part about election day was the free stuff. If you presented your voter receipt to Starbucks, you got a free coffee. A lot of bars in town were offering free beers and shots upon presenting the receipt as well. It's an incentive to vote, I suppose. I went to my polling place (the same place I went four years ago in my first Chicago election) and tried to vote. It seems they didn't have my correct address and it took like 15 minutes to fill out new paperwork. The voter attendant then subtly insulted my poor penmanship. Whatever. I voted and immediately went to Starbucks and got my coffee. I hurried home and spent the rest of the day busily working on the newsletter (which I realize is a pain in the ass to do when you have other things to get done). My friend (who I should mention is from Montreal and isn't even an American citizen) kept coercing me to go to Grant Park for the Obama rally last night. I really wanted to go, but I didn't have a ticket and I didn't know if there would be riots or just crazy happy people. The boyfriend, a friend and I first stopped at a bar where we got a free beer with our receipt. We watched the election unfold on CNN. Chicagoans were so ardent about the election, especially since everyone was anticipating our hometown boy would soon be elected president of the free world. We anxiously watched and hoped for the best but prepared for the worse. When O-bombs took Pennsylvania and Ohio, I knew we were in a good place (yay OH for finally voting Democrat!). So we finished our beers and the boyfriend begrudgingly came with me to Grant Park.

Getting to the park was less of a hassle than I thought it would be. We didn't have to wait for a train and were able to get to the destination fast. There were hordes of people. There were vendors selling Obama t-shirts. It was like NYE in Times Square or an even bigger Lolla concert. I think the warm weather really brought people out. There was magic in the air. Chicago was so fucking alive. Grant Park is an historic site. 40 yrs ago is when the Democratic convention there went awry. This summer I finally saw Radiohead there. And now I was witnessing history. Since we didn't have tixs, we weren't allowed on the field, but there were enough other places in the park to stand. Monitors were placed all over the park so everyone could keep abreast of the results. About 20 minutes into our adventure, CNN announced Obama was the new president. People were cheering and dancing and so damn happy. There was such a melting pot of people in the park: blacks, people who didn't speak English, young people. You name it. It was like for one night all of us were connected. Even Oprah was there. It took Obama forever to come out and speak. I half-expected Kanye to burst out onstage and start rapping. When Obama finally spoke, I could hear his voice echoing from far, far away. Suddenly, everything felt right about the world. We did it. We made this happen. It can only get better from here.

After he spoke, we made our way out of the park. Streets were flooded with crowds and cops looking on. The train ride home was packed, but at least we didn't have to wait long for a train. The entire day was effortlessly, really. I never had to wait in a line or really for anything. I'm really glad I went to the park last night. It was such a historic event and spectacle--something I'll never forget. I can now say "I was there." There is an evil part of me that wondered what it would've been like if he'd lost. I bet the city would've burned down. I kinda would've liked to have seen the carnage. I guess we'll never know. I'm so proud to be living in Chicago at a time like this. Last night, Obama made us all proud not only to be Americans but to be Chicagoans. Today, everyone's Facebook statuses ring of happiness and hungoverness. Everyone is so giddy and rightly so. I just hope nothing bad happens to our new Prez. If history is any indication, bad things always seem to happen to the "great ones." But for now, we can bask in the glow that things are going to different. Better. It all gives me hope for the future ahead.

In the Hallows

2008-11-02T16:05:00.004-06:00

This past weekend I celebrated Halloween. It was surprisingly warm out all weekend, amazing considering how cold it was earlier in the week. I remember one Halloween it snowed. I do love Halloween, but not as much as I did when I was younger. I used to get into the holiday by carving pumpkins and concocting a good costume, etc. Now, I don't really put much thought into anything. I really should because there are a lot of costume contests where you can win big money. If I was smart, I'd make the best costume ever and reap the rewards. I do love admiring everyone else's costumes, though. Those people who are much more cleaver than me. This weekend I saw some good ones: a guy dressed up as Asian hot sauce. A guy dressed up as a piece of toast. Some semi-naked guy wearing a thong exposing his ass all night. There were some Sarah Palins and Jokers in Nurse's costumes. There was a slew of the slutty varieties of nurses, cats, etc. I'm not sure exactly what my costume was. I started out as a vampiress, but the more I looked at myself, the more I realized I looked like a dead hooker. So, that's what I was--a dead hooker. The boyfriend strapped on some bunny ears and put some makeup on and went as a vampire bunny. You see a theme developing here between us. We like dead things. Friday night we went to a pseudo-mansion party and had free booze and food for a couple of hours. It was a decent party and we didn't have to wait in any lines. Then we went to a loft party in an undisclosed location. There were some good costumes there and overall the party was just okay. I witnessed a couple of drunkards vomiting into a bucket. Fun. And I had to wait over a half hour to use the bathroom. I hate that shit. Last night we got dressed up again and went to another party. We didn't stay as long as I would've liked. Sometimes at parties I just don't stay very long. I like that Halloween fell on a weekend this year. It gives you a chance to party for two nights.

Now it's November and everything feels anti-climatic. Well, after Tuesday it'll feel anti-climatic. Once Obama is elected, everything can go back to normal. I'm interested to see if he's gonna win. There's going to be a huge rally here on Tuesday night. I think I'll stay as far away from that as possible. Soon, the holidaze will be here and then another new year will begin. I don't understand how time can just whiz on by. Another year gone.

I know in my previous post I talked about the state of my relationships but nothing is ever perfect. I really worry about the future of my relationship. There are always going to be challenges and obstacles to surmount and you just never know what's going to happen. The thing is, I like to have the upper hand. I like to be the one in control and calling the shots. I have this attitude it's better to push the person away before they push me away. This usually involves me testing the person a little. I think relationships are just really fragile and you have to live in the moment and not think too much about the future, although eventually you will have to. I'm also a strong believer in if a relationship doesn't work out, then it's not meant to be. I think I'm doing better at relationships and I suppose if this one doesn't work out, I will consider it a step up from my last relationship but know that somewhere down the line I'll meet someone even better. Unless of course I'm meant to be a serial monogamist and go from one failed relationship to the next (I surely hope not). But, I don't want to think about that stuff. It's funny because I consider myself a pretty pessimistic person, but when it comes to relationships, I consider myself to be optimistic. I don't know why. I guess at some point I believe something has to work out. Or maybe I'm just destined to be a 40 year old spinster. I dunno. And yeah, I do believe all things eventually end, but it could end tomorrow or 20 years from now. You just have to take things day by day.

I'm still hoping for my happy ending. Doesn't everyone get a chance at one?

1:30 a.m. Poetry

2008-10-30T22:20:00.001-06:00

Sometimes I like to read over my old blog postings. Kinda like sifting through old journal entries. I came across this draft I wrote almost a year ago but never published on here for some reason. Reading it almost a year later, I don't really recognize who I used to be. I mean, I'm still fairly insecure when it comes to relationships and I freak out a lot, but I don't have the same opinions and feelings about men I had a year ago. Could it be that I've changed that much? Could it be that I've been saved by the right guy? I'm not going to be presumptuous here, but maybe good things can happen. And keep happening. Maybe things don't always have to end in hearts being shattered into a million of pieces. Maybe we all eventually get our happy ending--although I'm still not holding my breath. I realize I deserve to be with someone who appreciates me and loves me for who I am. I deserve to be happy. I am worthy. We all are worthy. Sometimes we just have to notice what (or who) has been in front of us all along. Yes, it's that simple sometimes. My eyes are open.

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November 17, 2007, 1:30am

It's nearing the end of the year and I sit here broken and alone. I wonder how I've managed to end another year all alone. Yet there is freedom being alone, or should I say, unattached. I ponder my douchebag magnet state and how yet again I've allowed myself to be drawn to certain situations and people. How that the older I get, things never get any easier. And the older I get, how gentlemen don't mature. I ponder all the heartbreak. Drama. Missteps. Mistakes. Some of which I brought on myself. Yet in my state, I regret nothing. There are things I wish would've turned out differently but you have to accept the cards you've been dealt. Resentment and bitterness grows more and more and "the one" eludes me everyday. Cruelty and spite and maliciousness, and not being the right kind of pretty runs through my mind. I get so angry sometimes. I ask questions that never receive answers. Despite my cynicism, I miss some people. I want to call them up and say hello but I know against my better judgment it's not worth it and it's not gonna change anything. Either their hearts are open to me or not but right now they seem to be sealed shut or reserved for another. So, I remain stronger by avoiding the situations. Avoidance has become my new friend. You don't have to take the high road if you avoid things. And sometimes you get lucky and by fate alone you get to avoid an awkward situation. I don't know how much more I can take of seeing him with her. She's so completely wrong in every sense. But yet I stand there helpless against these forces. You can't change people. You can't interject. You just accept them whether they are right or not.

Let go, says a little voice inside me. Most of the time the voices are so loud they obstruct my other thoughts. But there's a soft voice in the back of my head always whispering: "Just let go. Move on. It's okay. It's easy. It's in your best interest. You can do it." Sometimes I listen to her, other times I try to drown her out with louder voices: "I don't want to let go. I'm not ready," I hit back.

I know none of this babble makes sense to anyone but me. I struggle. I struggle to wrap my head around such amazing people how they sometimes can fail and disappoint me. But I am glad I've known them. I do my best despite the circumstances. Right now I'm particularly struggling in losing my best friend to her and losing my other friend to incompatibility. There is no resolution except my new year resolution will be for me not be a douche magnet anymore. I will see them coming from miles away and head for my protective bunker. I won't let them in this time. If only they didn't come equipped with charm and intelligence and humor I would be so much better off. Sigh. In the immortal words of Karen O: "They don't love you like I love you."

And now for some late night/early morning song dedications: I'd like to dedicate some Ryan Adams to a certain someone, how about "I Am a Stranger" or "So Alive?" I'd like to send some Mountain Goats to someone else. I bet you went to their show last night, didn't you? You're predictable like that. And finally I'd like to send some Sufjan Stevens to another. If I ever do get a chance to meet him, per your request, you can come along.

You all know who you are.

Goodnight Juliette Lewis and all your badassness.

Stuff

2008-10-28T16:47:00.002-06:00

There's a definite chill in the air. Winter is coming and I don't like it. My apartment is chilly and doesn't have a normal heating setup. I know I will have to fire up a bunch of space heaters just to keep warm. But it won't be warm enough.

My stupid job in the suburbs thankfully ended, so now I don't have to trek all the way out there anymore. On Friday, I was about to quit when I was put in a room with a guy who kept blasting all his horrible music. It's like, put some headphones on, buddy! I think people like this are extremely rude and should be shot. No one should be subjected to Pearl Jam and UB40 all day. I'm still waiting to hear back about that other temp job I was doing. That seemed a lot better. There seems to be a lot going on this week in terms of Halloween and the election next week. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to be or what I'll be doing. Originally, I wanted to dress up as the Joker from Dark Knight in the nurse's uniform, but I don't wanna have to buy a costume. I think I might go as a True Blood vampire and carry around a bottle of True Blood. There are some parties Fri. and Sat. night that I will probably go to. There also seems to be a lot of open bars this week. I guess it's that time of the year.

So, my roommate got engaged and will probably be moving out at some point meaning I might be inheriting the apartment. For a two bedroom, it's the best deal you'll find in Chicago or any major city for that matter. I haven't decided what to do because I can't afford it on my own and I don't want to get a roommate. My only solution thus far is to talk the boyfriend into moving in with me, something he's for some reason against. I mean, he spends practically every night here and it's convenient and everything, but I think he's afraid of losing his independence and not having space. I assured him I'd respect his privacy, but I don't think he's buying it. I feel relationships always have a natural progression and to me, this is a natural progression of things. I don't want to force anything, but it's a good opportunity to take advantage of. If he doesn't officially move in, I will see it as a huge step backwards in our relationship, which won't be good. Then again, maybe it's not the right time and maybe I need to be patient, but sometimes I think what's the point in being with someone if we never discuss a future or never move forward. It's like that line in Annie Hall where Woody Allen says sharks are like relationships: they need to move forward to survive...and then he says his relationship is like a dead shark. I'm afraid of that happening. I don't know when the roommate will move out--I have a feeling it won't be till at least next year--but it's an issue I can see coming up and something that will plague me. Sigh.

I need to spend the rest of the week catching up on things like doing laundry, early voting, working on projects, fixing things, keeping warm, etc.

Technology Fails

2008-10-23T16:05:00.002-06:00

I really hate technology. We live in a day and age where everything should just work right: computers, internet, phone, etc. This week, I've fought furiously with all of these things. My computer has some sort of fake Spyware program installed on it that I can't seem to get rid of. The internet in my apartment still isn't working right and stealing from the neighbors has become an arduous task. I've had a lot of trouble getting good cell phone reception today as I had to do two phone interviews with my phone cutting out. Yeah, life kinda sucks. I just don't understand why everything can't work right. Why can't everything be crystal clear and functional? I'm writing this post from a coffee shop and even their internet isn't stable. Good grief.

So today I took the day off to get shit done. I had to interview a musician and call internationally. The phone card I was using didn't last long so I didn't get to ask him all the questions I needed to. This was the first time I've interviewed a musician who sings completely in another language. His name is El Guincho and he grew up on the Canary Islands and sings in Spanish. I really want to go to a tropical island especially since it's getting cold here. I can't believe the holidays are upon us again. Soon it'll be snowing. I don't want to even think about that now. Also today, I had to talk to my bosses in New York about how we're going to generate revenue for My Open Bar here in Chicago. Since I'm the head editor here, it's my job to help. We need to increase site traffic and sell ads. I hate selling ads, but I'd get commission. Like good commission. Just another thing I have to deal with.

I'm only a few days into the new job and I'm already tired of it. It's not hard, but it's boring. I guess it's better than not working. I just hope it doesn't last longer than 2 more weeks. I hope I can balance everything I have coming at me right now. I'm just so stressed all the time and the internet not working is adding to my frustration. At least I'm getting my mail at the post office although I still don't trust it. I also think I need to start going out more. And drinking more. There hasn't been enough of that lately. There are some open bars coming up so I think I'll take advantage of those. I wish I was still in New England. The way of life there seems much simpler. I bet they have quality internet there.

I'm glad it's almost the weekend. Only one more day (out of probably many more) of trekking out to the 'burbs. I'm going to two concerts this weekend and having dinner then brunch with the boyfriend's parents and his sister's family this weekend. I love free shit.

Back to the City

2008-10-21T11:32:00.003-06:00

So, the rest of my New England went well. I was sorta sad to leave all of those happy little towns. Before going to the airport, we tried to stop at a farm, but we couldn't find it and then we ran out of time. I really wanted to pick apples and do farmy stuff. Oh well. Maybe next time. We drove by a gorge! It was awesome. A river ran through it. Nature can be quite stunning. In Chicago, the leaves have barely changed. It's just not the same, here.

Anyway, I'm back to my regular routine. I started a temp job yesterday way out in the 'burbs. Luckily I live close to the Metra and luckily the job is right off my stop. Plus I get to take the train with the boyfriend. The only thing is, Metra is expensive. I'm spending over $8 a day roundtrip. Sucks. This job isn't paying me enough for that. It's only for a couple of weeks, though. The job is very tedious data entry and I have to bring my own laptop, but everyone seems nice and it's money. I have to remind myself sometimes I have to suck it up and do things I don't necessarily want to do so then I can later do things that I do want to do.

I've been frustrated with certain things not working. The internet in my apt isn't working. My air mattress deflated. My computer has been acting up. It's the little things that piss me off. Why can't things just work? I really need to invest in a real mattress. Working full-time makes it hard for me to get things done. I can't even get to my P.O box because it closes before I'm off work. I really hope my mail is in there. I've been having mail issues, too.

The rest of the week I'm working, writing, going to a couple of shows and hopefully catching up with some people. With my long commute, I have to get up even earlier, so I'm extra tired this week. I haven't even begun to think about Halloween next week. I have been thinking that I'd like to move to the east coast. It's somewhere I've always wanted to live. I could never survive in a small town and I don't necessarily want to live in NY or Boston, but I like the places I've visited. Everything is so close by. I mean, Forbes did name Chicago as the most stressful city in the US. No wonder why I can't relax here. I've conquered the West coast and spent most of my life in the boring Midwest, so I think the next step is eastbound. When I was in Essex, NY, I wondered how these people afforded to live on such nice houses on the lake. I want that life...to wake up everyday and just read and write and not have to go to a real job and enjoy the scenery. Maybe someday. Sigh.

New England Adventures

2008-10-17T20:29:00.004-06:00

As I write this, I'm sitting in the hotel in Burlington, VT. We got here yesterday afternoon. The rest of my time in White River Junction was alright. Wednesday, I was alone for the entire day so I had to entertain myself. I got up and actually had breakfast. The hotel didn't have room service but instead had a free breakfast buffet. Afterwards, I took the car and drove around White River for a while and came across many scenic areas including the Connecticut River. Then I drove to Hanover, NH and tooled around Dartmouth College. Dartmouth reminded me a lot of where I went to school for three years, Ohio University. It was very quaint and charming.

Here's a funny story. I walked into the student union just to check it out. I walked into a room where there were a couple of guys trying to register students to vote. One of the guys looked familiar. Turns out, it was actor Justin Long! So, Justin is that guy in those Mac and PC commercials. He also used to date Drew Barrymore. He's sorta famous. Like if you saw him, you'd be like, "Oh, that guy." Anyway, he asked me if I was registered to vote and I said yes (albeit in the state of Illinois). I was so stunned to see him there. Even in a small New England town, Hollywood seemed to find me. I left soon after but then kicked myself for not at least trying to get a photo with him. Then again, it would've been weird to explain how not only I didn't go to school there but I also wasn't from NH. That was pretty much my excitement for the day.

Thursday we had to check out of the hotel. While the boyfriend was at work for a couple of hours, I wandered around downtown White River. There wasn't much there. We ate lunch at a great cafe called Tip Top Cafe and then drove up to Burlington, an hour and half away. Along the way, we stopped at the Ben and Jerry's factory and did a brief tour which entailed getting a free ice cream sample at the end. When in Rome, I suppose. The weather had been great up until yesterday when it was rainy much of the day. The drive up to Burlington consisted of a lot of mist coming off the mountains. We got to Burlington and checked into the hotel overlooking Lake Champlain. We wandered around downtown Burlington full of shops and restaurants. There's more civilization in Burlington than White River, but I found the latter to be a better place. Plus our hotel didn't have free breakfast or Wi-fi.

Every restaurant we've been to in Burlington offers crab cakes, good VT beer, authentic New England clam chowder, onion soup and VT cheese. I hate to say this, but I might be crabcaked out by the end of the trip. After lunch today, we took a ferry to New York! The Adirondack mountains are just a 20 minute ferry ride across the lake. We took the car and everything. It was a bit chilly out today but at least the sun was out. So, I've been to three states in the past few days. Montreal is only about 70 miles from Essex, NY, but there just wasn't enough time to go there. Along the freeway, you see signs written in French. Plus we didn't have our passports on us. We tooled around the area which was mainly just pretty houses and trees. It was sorta sad being there during the off-season. I kept trying to imagine what the place is like during the summer months when everyone is on the water. I'd like to come back during the summer and vacation there. After a couple of hours, we took the ferry back and went out to dinner at a great cafe outside Burlington. Then we came back to the hotel and used the pool and hot tub. Yes, there is a hot tub.

Tomorrow we have to check out and drive 3 hours back to the NH airport. Hopefully along the way, we can stop at a farm and pick some apples or something. I've really enjoyed my time in NE and will really miss it. One observation I made, and this may sound racist, is there isn't a lot of ethnicity in VT or NE. Seriously. It's just a bunch of rich or hippied white people. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm not use to it. There's also not a lot of traffic in NE. In fact, we never hit any which was nice.

I should be back in Chicago tomorrow night. On Monday, I start a two week temp job in the 'burbs. I'm not looking forward to the long commute everyday. I don't really want to work, but I kinda need the cash for car insurance and other bills. Hopefully I will make enough and not have to work for a little while. I also have some writing deadlines coming up as always. I'd rather not think about all that crap right now.

New England

2008-10-15T01:26:00.004-06:00

So, I'm officially in Vermont now. I got only two hours of sleep and flew into New Hampshire around noon yesterday. Then we rented a car and drove an hour and half to our hotel in VT. The drive was pleasant enough. The trees are beginning to peak. There are even Moose Crossing signs. For real! The boyfriend's boss later told us there's a law in VT and Maine that no one can post billboards in the state. This makes sense because you don't wanna obstruct all that beauty. Gas is super cheap here, like $3/ gallon. The boyfriend dropped me off at the hotel and went to work down the street for a little bit. The hotel always has free coffee in the lobby and sets out fresh and free cookies around 5pm everyday. Free cookies? I'm set. They also have a small breakfast buffet. And they sell maple syrup in the lobby. Our room is literally across from the pool, too. It's a fairly dinky pool--more like a gigantic bathtub. I am a pool snob, but it'll suffice. The room also has free Wi-Fi, hence me being able to write this.

While the boyfriend was away, I put together the newsletter for the week. I got it done but one of the new writers flaked this week. I'm kinda pissed about this since it entailed me writing a lot more than I wanted to and this writer didn't even get back to me until it was too late. Sounds fishy to me. I'll give him one more chance and see if he comes through next week, but if not, he's done. After work, the boyfriend and some of his VT co-workers and I went to dinner in New Hampshire (only a ten minute drive). We drove through Dartmouth College, so I got to see a real Ivy League school. It was nice of the boyfriend's boss to buy all of us dinner, but I felt really awkward. Everyone is nice, but I don't know these people and I don't work for them, so I feel out of place. I'll be glad when Thurs. comes and the boyfriend and I will be able to be alone and do whatever we want.

The boyfriend and I were talking about if we could ever live in New England. We both agreed we'd get bored because there isn't much to do, but isn't that the point? You move to a sleepy town and actually live your life. You are removed from the hustle and bustle and stresses of a big city. I mean, everything smells like pine! I'm not much of a nature person, but there's so much hiking and skiing available here. I have a fantasy of moving up here and getting a house on a lake and just writing all day and night. Like writing novels and short fiction. Of course I don't know how I'd make a living off that, but the cost of living seems fairly reasonable. Also, Montreal and Boston aren't too far away. I've never been to either cities. I have a friend who goes to school in Boston. I'd love to visit her, but there just isn't enough time this trip. I will have to come back again. I think if I had to live up here for a few months, I could do it. It'd be good for the soul.

Today the boyfriend is at work, so I'll have to occupy myself with other things. I want to wander around the town and takes lots of pictures of quaint New England things. I think I'll try to go to Dartmouth and pretend I'm a cool Ivy Leaguer. I've decided I'm not going to do much work the rest of the week. I'm on vacation, dammit. I promise to post more pics on here soon.

I'm already thinking about my next trip. Where should I make the boyfriend take me next? I still need to get back to LA and NY and Nashville and Kentucky and of course go to the Caribbean. We'll see.

Bon Voyage

2008-10-14T00:34:00.002-06:00

In a few hours, I'll be on my way to Vermont. Whenever I know I have to get up early (like 6am), I can't sleep. I suppose I will be able to sleep once I get to Vermont, but then again, I have to finish the My Open Bar newsletter from the hotel. I haven't really thought much about the trip yet. Starting Wed., I'll be more set in vacation mode. I have no clue what I'm going to do when the boyfriend is at work. I guess I'll have to explore quaint White River Junction on my own. I hope I don't have to hang out with his co-workers too much. We've already discussed how we have to be well-behaved around them. I'm almost afraid to mention My Open Bar to them. Come Thurs, the boyfriend will be done with work and then we can enjoy the next couple of days trolling around VT. It's so surreal that I'm going. It's always been a fantasy of mine to go to New England, especially during the fall. I never thought in a million years I'd go to VT, so it's sorta exciting. I hope it's everything it's supposed to be. I will have my computer with me so I'll try to do some remote blogging from there if I get bored. I'm glad the hotel at least has a pool. What's really pathetic is today will be the first time I've been on a plane in almost a year. I really should get out more often.

Over the weekend, my friend had her going away party. It was a lot of fun. About 80 people showed up. I gotta a little toasted. Hell, I even threw up. I was so hung over on Sunday but I know a lot of other people were also. It's not good to mix a lot of hard liquor. But, I guess it was worth it. The boyfriend was in Austin all weekend and we really missed each other. Everyone kept asking me why I didn't go with him and yunno, it's not a big deal. It's not like we have to do everything together. Sometimes it's good to miss someone. But he's back now so I'm happy. I definitely don't go as crazy as I use to when a boyfriend went away. I am able to handle the boyfriend going away without getting too upset, although I still get a little upset. I'm just better at suppressing it now. Plus I do have my own life and things to constantly do.

This is my second week as editor and I think everything is going swimmingly. A lot of what I do is very tedious and sometimes stressful so I can see myself burning out pretty fast. It takes me days to find quality events. There are always errors to fix. But, I do like the gig and think it'll be good for me. If it was a full-time thing right now, I don't think I could handle it. But, it's good to start out small for now and see where it goes. Someday I think I'd like to start my own publication in some smaller town. It's totally possible.

So, my friend is off to New Zealand soon. I haven't given it much thought considering I know I'll still be in contact with her all the time. It's weird saying goodbye to people, especially people you might never see again. It's like you remember what season it was or what they were wearing or where you said adieu. It's like you have to hold onto the moment and remember it because it's never going to be the same again. It seems like in the past year, I've had a lot of these moments. And these people are simply irreplaceable. Moving away is a part of life. I think the older we get, the less we see the ones we care about. Sad but true. It's so hard to find the time, especially if certain people are half way across the world. One reason I'm glad I'm taking over as editor is so I can keep my friend (and former boss') spirit alive. Someone asked me if I'm taking over as social chair for our group of friends. I'm not as social as she is, so I don't think so. But, I feel like I can keep everyone connected through My Open Bar. Otherwise I probably wouldn't see certain people anymore. It's going to be interesting to feel the impact of her leaving.

I think my life is so different than it was a year ago. Maybe it's a lot better. I'm doing a lot of cool things and I'm in a relationship and I'm going to fucking Vermont. There are always going to be frustrations, but I'm really trying to focus more on the positive and keep hoping everything is copacetic.

The Week So Far

2008-10-09T14:04:00.003-06:00

It's been yet another busy week so far. On Tuesday, I put together my first newsletter as editor. Overall, I think it turned out well even though we were down some writers. I think the hardest part about the job is staying organized. I get so many emails that I have to label them in order to keep track. Today I hired two new writers who I've never met. Unfortunately they won't get paid like the rest of us, but they are okay with that. So now we have six writers and me at the helm. So far I like the job. It makes me feel important on some level. It makes me feel like I accomplish something every week. We are throwing a Halloween party at a loft on Halloween, so that's going to take some PR work. I think I'm going to enlist the boyfriend as my editorial assistant to help me proofread everything.

Yesterday I started a possibly indefinite temp job. They are a small company that'll probably need me to come in once in a while and help out. I found everyone to be super nice. My boss was interested in my writing and even went out of her way to call someone she knows to see if they needed an extra writer. I like that I don't have to hide the fact I'm a writer like I've had to do in most of my jobs. Hopefully they'll need me to come in on a weekly basis. Even if I only come in once a week, it's something I can manage. I need to have a steady paycheck while waiting for those writing checks to flood in.

I feel like my "job" is endless. I always have to field emails and write stuff. This time next week I'll be in Vermont and I'm really hoping I won't have to do a lot of work. I'm hoping I can relax and have a real vacation for once. I'm really looking forward to the trip. We are driving up to Burlington for the weekend and staying at a hotel overlooking the lake. I hear Burlington is very cool. Maybe I'll love it so much, I'll end up living there. Like in the movie Baby Boom. Diane Keaton plays a high power exec who ends up moving to the countryside to get away from her stressful NY city life. Then again, I can't see myself living in the country.

This weekend is my friend's big going away party. We talked a bar into having an open bar for an hour and drink specials. I know it's going to be pretty crazy. I can't believe she's moving to New Zealand! I had a dream the other night where I felt completely abandoned. I wonder why. This weekend the boyfriend will be in Austin for a wedding, which makes me uneasy. I tend to freak out when he's not around. I'm much better when he's around. I guess I have to keep busy and try not to miss him too much. When I'm alone with my thoughts, I have a tendency to create false fantasies, like I think he's cheating on me or something. I get really paranoid. I try to internalize all of this but it doesn't always work. This weekend will also mark our six month anniversary. I guess I base it on the first night we "hooked up," not when it became official and everything. I don't have many complaints about the past few months. There are some things about him that irritate me, naturally, but sometimes that's me being my neurotic and controlling self. There are other things I'd like to see happen between us in the next six months or things that I wish were different. It's still weird having a boyfriend sometimes. The other day, two of my past "whatevers "contacted me wanting me to hook up with them. They know I have a boyfriend, but it doesn't mean anything to them. I suppose I use to have things for guys with girlfriends. I'm flattered those guys like me, and I feel bad for rejecting them, but that's the way it just has to be.

Today I'm interviewing the band Deerhunter, which is cool. Tonight and Sunday night I'm seeing shows then Tuesday I'm off to VT. I just need everything to calm down a bit. Maybe picking some apple on a farm in VT will help.

Leaves of Change

2008-10-03T15:22:00.002-06:00

Fall has definitely arrived here as it's been kinda chilly. Time to break out my jacket. It's so chilly in fact, my heater was lit the other day. I live in a "vintage" apartment that has two heater ovens. You have to light the pilot and they run all winter. They simply frighten me. Suddenly, flames will burst in the oven. I'm afraid one day I'm going to come home and the apartment is going to be rubble. I have a little space heater, too. Yeah, I'm going to freeze this winter.

Last night, I started training to be an editor. It's more work than I thought. There are just so many databases and lists, etc to check out. The worst part is, I had to friend over 100 promoters on Facebook--people who I don't know, people who I don't care to know, but people I will have to eventually meet. Facebook is the best source to find events so that's why I had to add so many people. My account is out of control. It makes me look much more popular than I am. I'm not looking forward to the PR aspect of the job. In a couple of weeks, I'll feel better about everything, but right now I'm overwhelmed. Despite all this stress, I like the idea of being editor-in-chief. I like the power it holds. I get to tell people what to do, especially the boyfriend. And believe me, I'm gonna crack the whip with him. And god forbide if he ever cheats on me, not only will I stab him but I'll also fire him. Feel the power.

So, on Oct 14, I'm going to Vermont. I'm very excited about this. It's always been a dream of mine to go to New England. We're flying into New Hampshire and staying in White River Junction, VT. I don't know what I'm going to do during the day when the boyfriend is at work. I won't have a car, but I read there's a lot of art galleries in the town, hopefully within walking distance. I really want to drive up to Burlington because I've heard good things. I want to do a foliage drive and pick apples from a farm and immerse myself in the quaintness and solitude of rustic New England. I suppose there' s much more nature stuff to do during the summer, but since I'm not a nature person, it works out. I pitched the idea of Vermont to one of the mags I write for (because they have a travel section) so hopefully I can write a travelogue when I'm there. See, even on vacation I can't relax. I always have to be working and doing something. I just have this perpetual sense that I always need to be doing something. I'm not a R&R kind of person, but wish I was. I can't ever stop.

I've been too busy to even do my laundry. I don't think it's ever going to get done. This is a problem. I'm beginning to feel sorta sicky. This could be attributed to everything going on in my life and possibly all that wine I drank last night. Next weekend, my friend who's moving to NZ, is having a farewell party. It's also going to be in conjunction with me becoming editor. She talked a bar into having an open bar for everyone. I think it'll be crazy fun. I will probably need that vacation after next weekend.

Tonight I'm having dinner with the boyfriend's parents. It's his mom's bday. We're going to yet another fancy restaurant. One that serves baby octopus. I know I shouldn't complain that people take me to nice and expensive restaurants and pay for me, but I'm too picky and closed minded to enjoy these things. I hate that restaurants serve baby octopus, or more importantly, that people actually eat it. Ick. I mean, can't we just go out for pizza? Later tonight there are a couple of open bars I hope to attend. Tomorrow night I'm going to a concert. Sunday I have tixs to a Blackhawks game, but I don't know if I'll have time to go. I have to compile the listings for my writers. I also need to hire another writer and possibly an intern. Being editor reminds me of when I use to make movies. For my projects, I had to audition and hire actors and tell them what to do, so my editing job is kinda similar, I suppose.

I just feel like right now is such a crazy time. I'm turning over a new leaf as editor, I'm doing freelancing for other publications, another one of my good friend's is moving away, there's some traveling going on, etc. I feel my life is never going to be the same from here on out. I haven't figured out if that's a good thing or not. I keep wondering if this editing position will get me somewhere. As much I as I don't want events to be my life, I think it's a great step forward in my career. I see it as a career move, not just some silly job. I need to take it seriously. I'll be meeting all sorts of new people. More people in Chicago will know who I am. I just hope I can balance work and personal and accomplish everything I want to. I'm going to try, but I know I won't be able to relax. Ever.

October is Coming

2008-09-29T10:59:00.003-06:00

Saturday night I saw the band My Bloody Valentine in concert. For those of you who aren't familiar with the band, they are a seminal shoegazer band that released only two albums in the late 80s-early 90s then broke up. Some people think their second album is one of the best ones ever recorded. They got back together this year and are touring for the first time in 16 years, so they are kind of a big deal. In fact, I don't think they've even toured North America until now. Anyway, I like their stuff enough and thought it'd be cool to see them. I ended up buying a tix--something that's usually against my religion. I was just curious what it'd be like. Well, I was seriously disappointed. And I wasn't alone with my thoughts. MBV is known for being really loud. So loud in fact, they were handing out earplugs at the venue. The venue was really big and doesn't have the best acoustics, so maybe that was an issue. When they started performing, they had all these incessant strobe lights flashing. It made me glad I wasn't an epileptic or I'd been dead by the end. At first it was cool, then not so cool. Their vocals were muddled and they ended their set with a 20 minute drone sound. Yes, sound, not song. It went on forever to the point people were leaving because they couldn't take it. I don't know if they're a difficult band on purpose, but I probably will never see them again. Well, at least I know now.

Last night I saw the band Hot Chip which was good. Well, until some dancing bitch knocked into me and spilled my beer all over me. I'm so sick of going to shows where people don't mind their 18 inches of personal space. They just think they can dance all over the place and don't consider others feelings. Luckily the bar gave me a new beer for free, but getting doused with beer is something that shouldn't happen. From now on, VIP only for me at dance-orientated shows.

The Cubs is in the playoffs which start this week. The boyfriend informed me he's going to need to watch every game. If they go to the World Series, then more games. Great. I'm losing the boyfriend to the Cubs for a while. I guess I could try to watch the games with him, but I know I'll get bored within minutes. I'm not looking forward to this. Is it superficial to break up with someone over a sports team? In a week, I'm officially taking over as editor of My Open Bar. I'm really nervous about the gig. Finding events is going to be my life and I really don't want it to be. I want to do a good job and everything. I've never really managed people before either. I have some training I need to do this week, so hopefully when I figure out how to do everything, I will have a smooth transition. I guess we'll see how it goes. I really want to take the time to do a good job and learn the ropes.

In a couple of weeks, another one of my friend's is moving. All the way to New Zealand. I haven't been able to wrap my mind around this yet. I can't believe the time is almost here. Where the fuck has all the time gone? It simply disappears into oblivion. Usually I love the month of October with fall in full gear and the leaves changing, but I guess the theme of fall is always change and I don't always handle that well. There are definitely some major changes ahead and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle them. When my friend leaves, there will be even a bigger void left behind. We have about 61 mutual Facebook friends. That's a lot! I wonder if I'll still see the majority of our Facebook friends. I wonder if I'll stay connected to them or if they'll fade away without her bringing everyone together. It's something I don't want to think about right now. I really miss my friend who moved to Nashville, but I try not to think about it. It's the whole outta sight outta mind thing. I know she's gone but I pretend she isn't. I'm sure I'll do the same when my friend goes to NZ. I wonder how many more friends of mine will leave Chicago in the next few months. It's getting to be ridiculous.

For the week ahead, I'm going to do some writing, try to think of some pitches, try to figure out a way to make more money, hope the Vermont plans come through, try not to worry too much and try and get things done.

Getting Somewhere

2008-09-26T00:06:00.005-06:00

Just as I thought, this week has been pretty busy. I had to write a couple of articles this week and then do some edits on one of them. Sometimes it takes me a while to write these articles, so I'm glad I don't have the stress of a day job piled on top of everything. Last night I saw the band Stars in concert. Actually, when they played here last November, it was the first concert the boyfriend and I went to together. It was also the first time we'd hung out alone. Of course this was months before any inkling of dating presented itself. Last night I saw them again with the boyfriend, so I guess everything has come full-circle now. This weekend I might go to as many as three more shows. After Sunday, I think concerts will temporarily die down.

The weather has surprisingly been fairly nice. Almost hot. I remember at the beginning of October last year, there were some warm days. I guess my biggest accomplishment for the week is my brand new website! It's official, I finally have my own freelance website. I've been talking for months about creating one and now it's here. Of course, it's still a work in progress and I need to add more clips, but so far I think it looks pretty good. My friend was nice enough to design it for me. I uploaded all the content myself. I don't know if I'll have much success with the site, but it's a great way to promote myself as a writer and send a link of it to potential editors instead of attaching a lot of clips to an email. I think in the past couple of weeks, I've become more hardcore about this writing thing. I usually go back and forth about pursing it, but in the past week, I've felt good about it. I just need to keep the momentum up and keep getting decently paid gigs. I don't want to disappear from publications. I need to set some goals for myself and keep thinking of pitches. I also just need to really take the time and do a good job. I'm slowly transitioning into my role as editor of My Open Bar which will officially begin in another week or so. I'm really nervous about the gig because there's so much to learn and everything. I've already had to join tons of Facebook groups--groups that I normally wouldn't join--so I can find out about events. Yeah, events are going to be life soon. I just hope I can do a good job. I have big shoes to fill.

It looks like I might be going to Vermont in a couple of weeks, too. We haven't got the plane tixs yet, so I'll be more excited once I know it's official. I hope we get to go because I've always wanted to go to New England, especially during the fall. I still think it's bit random to say I'm going to Vermont, though. Who goes to VT? It should be an entry in Stuff White People Like. On another not, my bank, Wamu, was taken over this week. That sucks. I guess I'll have to get new checks and a new bank card. Thanks a lot mortgage crisis.

Lately, I've been engrossed in season one of The Sopranos. I've only seen sporadic episodes here and there, so it's nice to finally see how it all started. Watching tv shows and movies is innocuous for me. It calms me down and helps me sleep. I'm not sure what I'm doing this weekend. There's a potential concert tomorrow night and party. Saturday night is My Bloody Valentine in concert, but as of now, I don't have a ticket. I'd really like to go but I don't want to pay a lot for a tix. We'll see. Sunday night I'm covering the Hot Chip show. I probably won't go to another concert until the following weekend.

Overall, I feel okay about things, but I'm also bracing myself for the worst. I worry constantly about things not working out the way I want them to. I worry I won't be able to do this writing and editing thing for a living. I worry I'll have to go back to temping or get a more permanent job that I'll hate. I worry about the boyfriend going to Austin in a couple of weeks without me. I worry about him one day resenting me. I worry about not having enough money, especially for necessary things. I worry about the fact I don't have health insurance but need to go to the dentist. I worry about what's going to happen when more of my friends move away. I should be happy that I'm writing everyday and getting paid for most of it and that I'm in a healthy relationship for once but worries still float around me. At the same time, I feel I deserve to be happy and have success and have things work out my way because I haven't quit at anything yet and I believe if you keep trying, good things will happen. At least that's what I'm counting on.

Block Party

2008-09-22T13:20:00.002-06:00

This weekend I attended the annual Hideout Block Party. It's a two day music fest at a local venue called the Hideout. I think it's rapidly becoming my fave music fest here in Chicago because of its simplicity. It's held in a parking lot, not a park, so it's more isolated than Lolla and Pitchfork. Plus they host an eclectic lineup. Lolla is too massive and Pitchfork is a bit snotty, but Hideout is pretty chill. Like for Pitchfork there's a segregation of press and VIP areas whereas at Hideout, everyone with a badge is welcome into the VIP area. I acquired a photo pass for the boyfriend and me even though neither of us our avid photogs. Sometimes I wish I had one of those nice $2,000 cameras with a 10ft lens. But alas, it was me snapping away using a point and shoot camera in the photo pit amongst more heavy weight photogs. I do like taking pictures, though. I like being right up where the action is.

The best part about the weekend was the free beer. That's where the handy photo pass comes into play. We had free beer both Sat. and Sunday which was pretty cool. I think I deserve VIP access wherever I go. There are some people who I feel don't deserve VIP access because all they do is sit there and drink and really aren't anyone important. I'm not important either, but at least I'm doing the work unlike other douches who reap whatever they can get. This weekend I saw a lot of cool bands including a band from Israel called Monotonix that likes to set their drums on fire. I saw Ratatat and New Pornographers (probably my 6th time seeing them). I got a chance to see some people I hadn't seen in a while and just hang out with cool friends including my indie rock boys. The weather was really great, too. I know this is summer's last hurrah. I have a feeling I'm not getting to MI this year.

Last night after the Block Party, we went to see yet another show. We saw A Place to Bury Strangers, a band that's been deemed the "loudest band in NY." Surprisingly, I still had my hearing after the show, albeit with slight ringing. After the show, we talked to the lead singer a little bit. He was very cool and approachable. I hate rock stars who hide in their entourage or act bothered when you approach them. This guy was totally down to earth and cool. Yeah, it was a music weekend, alright. I'm back in show mode and it feels good. There are a ton of shows this week but most of them are up in air right now. I really want to see My Bloody Valentine, but I don't have a ticket or list access yet.

Going to these fests are good for me because I get to network but sometimes I still feel like such a hack, that I really don't belong there, that everyone is so much more successful and talented than me. But, I love being around the people who love music as much as me and can appreciate it. I think that's what really matters to me.

I feel inundated with writing assignments right now and need to get to work. It's probably going to be yet another busy week ahead, which is probably a good thing. I just need to figure out a way to get things done...like my laundry.

Everything Hits at Once

2008-09-18T15:28:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I had one of the busiest days I've had in a while but it was all positive stuff. With my writing assignments, sometimes my deadlines are spread out when other times they all converge at once. Yesterday I had some music previews due, then I had to go interview a band in person and then I had to attend two concerts in a night. Needless to say, a lot of converging.

First off, I had to go to Metro and interview the band the Presets before their show that night. Granted, I'd already did a phone interview with them a couple of weeks ago for another publication, but whenever a chance arrives to do an in-person interview, I jump at the chance. There's just something so much better about interviewing a band in person. More impersonal, I guess. There was a Cubs game about to start so I got to the venue a little late. Luckily I still was able to interview the band backstage. It made me feel like that kid in Almost Famous except not quite. I felt all important holding out my recorder and asking questions. Usually most people make me really nervous, but for some reason, it doesn't intimidate me to interview bands or people in general, even if that band is from another country. I think I see it as my job and just delve in. After the interview, I rushed home, ate dinner and went to church. Yes, church.

So there's this new music venue in the city where bands play in an actual church. I thought it was an interesting idea, so I pitched it to a magazine I write for. At the last minute, they wanted me to attend the concert and interview the priest. Of course I was already supposed to cover another show later in the night, but I decided to take on both tasks. Everything at the church went swimmingly. I interviewed everyone I needed to and got to stay for part of the show. Last night was the first time I've been in a church in I don't know how long. The past couple of weddings I've been to haven't even been in churches. It was kinda a cool venue and it was especially weird to see hipsters mingling there and drinking beer. Yes, they serve beer in this church! I left half way into the show and managed to make it across town to see my fave band right now, Cut Copy play. I even had a VIP pass which just meant I had a good spot to watch. I was amazed how I was able to accomplish so much yesterday. It was a lot of work, but a lot of fun. It was such a contrast hanging out in a church listening to a mellow band then going to see a dance band in a club. And interviewing a priest. Story of my life, I suppose. So now I have to transcribe a bunch of interviews and turn in some articles soon.

I think I've decided to hold off on any sort of day job as long as I can, i.e, until my money runs out. I just can't balance both an office job and the writing I'm doing and I feel my writing is more important in the long run. I will get paid for some of the stuff I write, albeit now right away. I just need some time to figure out what direction to take. I really enjoy being a journalist and being out there in the world talking to people.

This weekend, the momentum isn't stopping. We're right in the middle of a heavy concert season. Tomorrow night I'm seeing another concert at that church. This one should rock a little more. This weekend is also the annual Hideout Block Party comprised of several bands playing in the course of two days. I know I'm going to part of it, but probably not all of it. Then Sunday night and pretty much every day next week, more shows. I'm trying to make up for my lack of going to shows in the past few weeks.

The weather has surprisingly been nice here. I should go to the beach or something. My bday was okay--nothing too special. I didn't really celebrate it until Tuesday night when the boyfriend took me out to a nice Italian dinner. And then of course seeing my fave band live a day later seemed like a late bday gift. I'm just glad it's over with. Welcome to my early 30s. Yikes.

Tenth Annual Celebration of Being 21

2008-09-14T15:48:00.008-06:00

All weekend long, it rained. Non-stop. Right now we're experiencing a respite. I felt like I was living in some sort of disaster movie. I read where we received a record amount of rain: 6.6 inches to be exact. I attribute it to Hurricane Ike, a name that can only do no good. I mean, Ike Turner beat the shit out of Tina, so it makes sense for a hurricane named Ike to do the same thing. Despite the heavy downpours this weekend, I actually left the house.

Friday night, I ventured to a dinner party. The food and company were great. I was supposed to go to a show, but I couldn't fit both in. Later in the evening, I had my annual pre-bday meltdown. I think every year around my bday, I freak out a little about my life. But after my freak out, I felt better. I've decided in my old age, that I need to be better. At everything. I think the older I get, I become more of a space cadet. I fail to read signs and thus get parking violations. I don't follow my instincts enough. I don't accomplish enough things. I blow off social obligations a lot. I just need to be better and wiser. At the same time, I still don't want to grow up.

Everyone says your life gets better in your 30s, but I have yet to discover what they mean. At 31, I still don't feel like a true adult. I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life and what I really want to be when I grow up. I still haven't been to France with no signs of going soon. Maybe I should really quit being so pessimistic. Despite not feeling like an adult, I do feel mature in other areas. If someone told me this time last year that I'd have a boyfriend, I would've laughed. I've settled down a lot in the past few months and it feels good to be with someone again. The other day, I put new license plates on my car and purchased new car insurance all on my own. It's the little things that build you up. In a couple of weeks, I'm going to be an editor and that's going to be a whole new ball game for me. I might not have my own place yet or a steady job or a lot of money, but there are so many other things I have going for me, I guess. Like women typically reach their sexual peaks around their early 30s. And I usually do meet every goal I set for myself, even if it's fleeting.

Maybe being 30 doesn't count. Maybe being 31 is when all the good stuff begins. I'll report back in a year. The biggest victory for me would be to have financial stability and I job I actually liked. I have all sort of freelance gigs I like, but a part time steady job would be grand. And to travel everywhere. I wish I was independently wealthy. I guess one thing I can say about my life, is it's never dull. It's always changing as are the people in my life and situations. There's no time for me to grow complacent. Last night, I had a bday gathering. I think the rain staved off a lot of people, so maybe about 15 people showed up all together. Plus another girl was having a party too, so friends were split up between the two shindigs. We all hung out at a bar and drank for a few hours. Everyone kept buying me drinks, which was nice. People slowly came and went all night. Last night was such a contrast from last year's festivities. Whereas last year was crazy and drama filled, this year was pretty chill. And maybe that's another sign of my maturity. I think the older I get, the more I appreciate the people in my life because friendships are so fucking fleeting and people move around a lot. There were some repeat friends this year from my party last year, but there are a few people I don't even talk to anymore from last year. I guess your true friends stick by you year after year. Consistency is what matter. There were some new faces mixed with older faces, and faces that I've grown more accustomed to in the past year. And there were a lot of couples, too. But, I forgot to take pictures. Actually, no one took pictures for some reason. I'll have to document it in my mind.

So, tomorrow's my actual bday, but I don't have any real plans. I discovered on Saturday there's a Gap outlet in town and my mom happened to send me a Gap gift card, so I splurged. A friend gave me a H&M gift card, so I'll probably use that up, too. Tuesday night the boyfriend is taking me out to dinner and then Wed. I get to see one of my fave bands in concert: Cut Copy. I have some assignments to work on this week. In the next couple of weeks, I'll hopefully be busy going to shows. I've been such a slacker with going to them but I'll try to make up for it in the weeks ahead. And I'm going to do better at meeting social obligations. And I'm going to read, write and watch more movies. Yeah, hopefully 31 will be my year. I just have to try harder.

Last Days of Summer

2008-09-11T10:54:00.002-06:00

So, I'm going to admit I've been kinda down lately. I've been trying to figure out why. I think a lot of it has to do with fall coming. Summer is pretty much over and everything is rapidly changing. Autumn is one of my fave times of years, but it's also a much darker period. My friend wrote a blog post talking about how Sept. is the best month of the year because it's still somewhat summery, yet not as hot. I think a lot of things happen during the month. There are a ton of concerts coming up within the next few weeks and the weather is still nice for the beach. I feel like I did a lot this summer, but would've liked to have spent more time at the beach and the pool and traveled. The pools are all drained, which is depressing.

I had a dream last night that my friends and I went swimming (Lauren and Kathy, you were both at the pool!). It was cold out, but the water was warm. My friend who moved to Nashville was there, too. She came back for the weekend. So we were all frolicking in the water and all of a sudden, there was a bbq with a bunch of middle age people. It was a pool party! They had all these different kinds of bread and fruit. I even ate some sort of strawberry ice cream cake. The whole thing just felt alive with child-like innocence usually associated with summer. Maybe that's it: I just don't feel alive these days. I think I just miss people sometimes. I miss home and the people who live in other cities who I never see. I will miss summer. I still really want to go to the beach in MI before it gets too cold out. It's not too late to spend time outside enjoying the waning summer, but I feel I have stuff to do.

I get really depressed when I don't work. As much as I hate working, at least it gives me a sense of purpose. But I'm sick of working jobs I hate just for the money. I really want to focus my energies on other things...more important things. I started writing my horror script, and so far I'm happy with it. It's just a matter if my cousin will be able to do anything with it. It's the first script I've written in years, so I had to refresh myself on script formatting. Writing makes me feel better. Creative writing, though.

I'm going to be 31 in a matter of days, and I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I was thinking the other day, what does it mean to be successful? I know society associates success with money, but I don't think it's like that all the time. You can be successful in your own right. But I think success is consistent. You have to keep it up. Granted, I'm not even close to where I want to be. I feel like I've accomplished a lot of things and have done things a lot of people I know will never do. At the same time, I'd like a little more money and accolades and have everything be more consistent in my life. Most of all, I just want to travel. Everywhere. I know I keep talking about it, but I think it's an important part of life. You just can't sit idle in the same city all the time and I feel like that. Chicago is great, but there are other cities I'm afraid I'll never see. The past two Septembers, I've traveled: last year to NYC, two years ago to L.A. I don't have any major travel plans this month and it's bothering me. I'm supposed to go to VT with the boyfriend at some point, but I have a feeling it's not going to happen. He's going to Austin next month and I'd love to come, but a $300 tix is sorta ridiculous. Sometimes I wish money was no object, then I could do anything I wanted. Not being able to travel really eats away at me and depresses me even more. How am I suppose to have things to write about if I don't travel far, far away?

Maybe I'm just in a funk or a state of feeling sorry for myself and maybe it's because I have a bunch of stuff to do that I don't want to do and maybe it's because my bday is coming up and I hate my bday because I feel like there's always expectations that go unmet. At the end of my bday party last year, I cried for various reasons. Sat. night a bunch of friends and I are going to celebrate at bars, but I have no idea what the turn out will be like. On my actual bday I'm probably doing nothing as the restaurant the boyfriend is taking me to is closed. We are going on Tuesday instead. And I want the boyfriend to make my bday special somehow, but honestly, I've never been impressed with any gifts a boyfriend has given me. Maybe I'm just too hard to please. Then again, maybe this weekend will help me break out of my funk because I definitely need it. I need a new direction, a new start, something. I need something to change for the better soon.

Catching Up

2008-09-08T18:33:00.003-06:00

Over the weekend, I finally got a chance to catch up with some neglected friends. Sometimes I'm just so overwhelmed with all the social activities going on that I simply decide to do nothing. Friday night, I fought off going to a concert and party and stayed in. Even going to concerts takes motivation for me these days. It's not enough for them to be free--it has to be a band I really want to see or I probably won't go. There are a ton of shows that I really want to see coming up, so hopefully I'll force myself to go.

Saturday, things didn't start off well. I tried to go to my post office box to get my mail and made a costly mistake. I was trying to find the place and ended up parking in the adjacent lot thinking I'll just leave for a second. No biggie. Well, during the entire minute it took me to walk to the next lot, realize the post office was closed, then walk back to my car, someone had placed a boot on my car. Yup. It happens that fast. I know there are signs that say if you leave the lot, you'll get in trouble, but I never thought people monitor it that closely. I mean, I was only gone for a minute! As soon as I stepped off the lot, I thought that maybe I should've moved my car, but I decided against it. Anyway, I had to pay $115 to get it removed. Ridic. I really want to get rid of my car. Having in a car in the city has been nothing but a pain in the ass. I know it's partially my fault because I don't always read signs clearly, but still...why does the city have to punish us drivers? Whatever. I learned my lesson, and as usual, the hard way.

Saturday night, the boyfriend and I went on a double date. I can't remember the last time I went on a double date. How cliche. Sometimes I feel like double dates are like a competition between myself and the other couple, like who has the better relationship, who has the better boyfriend, which couple is more affectionate, etc. This was the first time meeting my friend's new guy, but it went well. Then, Saturday night we went to a party. I realize if I have to actually leave my 'hood or go somewhere not in walking distance, I'm more than likely not to go out. The party was alright especially the Akita puppy there. It's only 11 weeks old, but it's already huge. And it was cute and fuzzy and soft. I really want to get a bunch of pets but I know someday they'll just end up with my mom. Yesterday, we played our Saucony championship and won. It wasn't hard considering only half the teams showed up. My friend made a great comment stating for a bunch of drunks, our team always showed up unlike the others. We played silly games like egg toss, wheelbarrow race, three legged race and tug of war. It was a perfect day, too--sunny but not too hot. Afterwards, we had an open bar. They were supposed to have a lot of food but instead had very little food. Drinking on a practically empty stomach is never a good idea. And the bar was out of bloody Mary mix. What kind of bar runs out of mix on a Sunday? After drinking for a while, I went home and went to sleep by 8pm. I can't remember the last time I went to bed while it was still daylight out.

Today, it's been raining all day again which depresses me. I'm really stressed about a lot of things now. I need to find another job or at least find a job that I can tolerate and somewhat enjoy. I'm always torn between holding out and finding something I love and working a shitty job just for the money. I need to still go to the laundromat and write a lot more, but sometimes I'm just too lazy. I still need to get all my car crap taken care of. This Saturday is my bday party and I still need to decide what bar to go to. Then a week from today it's my official bday. I'm not sure what I really want for my bday. I could always use clothes and shoes...traveling would be nice...jewelry? Just material stuff, I guess. I just feel so anxious all the time. I just feel like there's so much stuff to do but I don't know how I'm ever going to get any of it done. I keep thinking where should I focus my energies? On writing? Or getting some stupid job that'll pay the bills but will inevitably suck the life out of me? I'm happiest when I'm writing. Maybe I should get a personal assistant. I wish I could just wave a magic wand and have everything be the way I want things to be because honestly, things aren't the way I want them to be and I don't know how to make things the way I want them to be. I guess I have to hold on and hope things somehow get done and fall into place. But that doesn't stop me from worrying and wanting every little thing in life to be my way.

Fall Preview

2008-09-05T09:36:00.002-06:00

It's beginning to feel a lot like autumn here. Yesterday we felt the affects of the hurricane as it rained all freaking day. Walking to the train yesterday morning, a truck drove by and doused me with a tidal wave of muddy water. For real. It was like a scene out of a movie where someone is having a bad day and then of course gets splashed and has an ever worse day. Kinda like the opening credits of Sex in the City.

This week, I've been subjected to taking the Metra to work since it's the fastest way to downtown from where I live. Metra is like a plane on rails. There are comfortable seats and you can even drink booze on the train. The best part is, you don't always have to pay. You're suppose to buy tixs in advance, but you can also pay on board. Three times this week, the ticket person didn't check so I got free rides. The Metra confuses me to no end. I never know if I'm on the right train and fear ending up in the 'burbs. It's also more expensive than the EL, but you get to ride in style. Today is my last day at the temp job I've been at since the beginning of July. Of course I fear unemployment and being in financial ruins again, but I'm looking forward to actually having time off to do things. It's been difficult working full time and trying to freelance. And the more I write, the more money I'll make, but I'm not looking forward to waiting for pitches to be approved and editors getting back to me. Hopefully something else will come up. I still need to finish a long overdue project that I'll get paid decently for. My apartment is in disarray, too. I need to get a real mattress and set up my furniture and organize everything. I haven't even been able to go to the post office to get my mail because it closes at 5pm everyday. It's the little things I need time for.

This weekend is our final Saucony match of the season. Sunday afternoon, we're doing a Field Day thing like playing tug of war and activities like that. Then, we're having a big open bar party at a bar down the street. Just another thing I have to do this weekend. Yesterday, I interviewed the band Presets. They're from Australia, so I got my Aussie fix for the week. I'm going to start doing live reviews for a publication and am already slated to cover the Cut Copy show in a couple of weeks. I'm so excited to see them again. My b-day is creeping up. I don't want to be older! I've decided to just have some friends hang out with me at a bar next Saturday night. I need to decide what bar, though. I don't want anything elaborate like last year's pinata festivities. I also need to decide where the boyfriend is taking me to dinner on my official bday. So many places to choose from. Last night I had dinner with his parents. I'd met his mom before, but it was my first time meeting the dad. Overall, we had a pleasant dinner. We ate at a top notch Japanese fusion place and since his parents knew the chef, we got free dessert and sake. His parents are so cultured compared to me; it's a little intimidating. They've been all over the world including Iran and even lived in Japan for a few months. I've done nothing of the sort. I don't know anything about wine, either. I think you can learn a lot about things through reading about them and such, but I want to experience things hands on. I want to travel the world and see for myself. Hopefully all of this will come into fruition. I really should learn more about wine, food and travel.

So, some big news: I'm taking over as editor of Chicago My Open Bar in October. At first I didn't even want to be considered for the job, but then I changed my mind. It's a good opportunity. I like having the title of editor and being able to boss the boyfriend around in a professional setting. I'm really nervous about the job, though. I've never managed people before and my current editor has to deal with irate bar owners and readers sometimes. I just hope I can handle it. It never hurts to try. I really want to focus on my creative endeavors right now. I'm going to start writing screenplays again, too, yunno, actually put my degree to use. A few years ago, I wrote a short horror script that was a finalist in a horror film fest. Unfortunately, I have lost all record of the script. Since reuniting with my long lost cousin, it turns out he's a horror freak and wants me to rewrite the script and send it to him. He's going to pass it around to some of his filmmaker friends, so hopefully it'll get made. The boyfriend and I have been talking about writing something together, so here's our chance to recapture the magic.

I'm also trying to talk the boyfriend into moving in with me full-time. Our rent would only be $150 a month! Can you imagine? It's almost disgusting having rent that cheap. To me, it's a win-win situation. We both would save money, he doesn't have to live with the parents anymore and if it didn't work out, he'd just go back home. No big deal. He's over every night anyway. He's basically throwing away rent money that could be used towards taking me to the Caribbean. We'd have to allocate some more closet space, though. That might be an issue.

I'm really sick of always having stuff to do. I just want to get things done so I don't have to fuss and worry about them. I just need some time.

Labor Day Bonanza

2008-09-01T16:50:00.000-06:00

In the past few days, a lot has happened. Thursday night, I went out for my friend's "unofficial" bday. We ended up at some lame bar on Rush/Division where they supposedly had midget wrestling, but it was basically midgets being degraded. My friend is moving to Nashville and that night was the last I thought I'd see her. Thankfully, it wasn't. I'm really struggling with all my friends leaving. This friend officially moved to Nashville today and I don't know when or if I'll ever see her again. With her being gone, it's leaving a huge void in my life. She was one of my best friend's here and brought a certain energy and fun to my life. I know I can get on a plane and go down and visit her, but it's never going to be the same again. Ever. When people move away, you can never recapture what you had together. And it's like you say you'll keep and touch and visit and shit, but that never really happens. You just have to let them go and hope one day you'll see them again, even if it's ten years from now. Because no matter what, life simply goes on. In a few weeks, my other best friend is moving to NZ which will be even harder because there's no way I'll ever be able to afford to fly to NZ. I don't believe in goodbyes, but I do believe in sayonara which translates into "till we meet again." That sounds better than goodbye.

Friday at work, they asked me to stay on for a couple of more days to finish a project. I suppose it's good because I need the money but at the same time, I'm sick of working a 9-5. I'm going to look into other options because I'm just not cut out for the 9-5 grind. I worked a Time Out event on Saturday and made some money. Of course I had to get up at 7am and work till 5pm, so I was pretty wiped out. I did get a free pair of Converse shoes out of the deal. This has been a summer of free shoes. I've been desperately wanting a pair of Converse so I'm excited I own a pair now. I have come full-circle in my hipster status. Saturday night, I was supposed to go to a party, but the boyfriend and I just stayed in and drank. We seem to do this a lot as we're both too lazy to go out sometimes.

Sunday was the best day of the week because I went sailing! I had never been and always wanted to go. My friend's parents have a sailboat up near the WI border, so the boyfriend and some friends and I drove up there and sailed for about 3 hours. It was amazing. My friend's parents brought their Westie with them complete with dog life vest and "Doggles"--yes, they make goggles for dogs. It was a perfect day and so relaxing. The only rule was we weren't allowed to drink on board, which makes sense. I definitely want to go sailing again sometime. Then, right after sailing, we had to drive back and make the My Open Bar dinner. The head guy in NYC was in town and was taking us all out for dinner at a great pizza place. Despite being exhausted from the sailing journey, I couldn't stop. At the dinner, my editor (the one who's moving to NZ) asked who wants to take over her position when she moves in Oct. No one seems to want the job. It does pay decently so I'm considering it, but on some level, I don't know if I really want the responsibility. I'll have to think about it. As we were leaving the place, I ran into an ex-lover, someone I haven't talked to in months. It was a very awkward exchange. My friends even commented on how awkward it was. None of my friends like this person, either. I guess with a city of over 3 million people, you're bound to run into an ex-lover. I knew it was eventually going to happen. I realized seeing him, I made the right decision to cut him out of my life. I've moved on big time.

After the dinner, we ended up crashing some random party. The people there were really nice and accommodating. After that, we went to another party down the street. As my friend pointed out, DINKs lived there (double income, no kids) because the place was immaculate with an awesome rooftop view but the decorating was sort of sterile. I was sitting there at the party with the boyfriend and my friends and looking at the skyline just thinking about life and how fast it moves and where exactly it's going. As my friends pointed out, Sunday was a perfect Chicago day. Sometimes I think how can anyone leave Chicago when the city is so full of surprises? The summers here are incredible and the winters harsh, but what other city can you go sailing in the daytime and then party on a rooftop? Okay, probably a lot of cities, but not with friendly Midwesterners. And then after I got home, I got my nightly phone call from my friend. He calls me all the time asking if there's anything going on for the night, but usually waits until like 1-2am to phone when I'm pretty much ready for bed. The problem may be I'm so tired by 2am I just have to go to bed. I can't stay out late anymore. Or maybe he needs to be less of an after party person. Anyway, I'm frustrated we haven't been able to hang out, but hopefully this week it'll happen.

So, I'm officially moved into the new place. So far I like it despite it having no laundry facilities, no AC and the fact I can't figure out how to inflate the air mattress my roomie gave me. I've been sleeping on the couch the past couple of nights. My roomie's brother informed me he has a key and sometimes will randomly crash at the place. Great. I don't want some dude just coming over in the middle of the night. My roommate is apparently never around according to all the expired food in the fridge. I kinda hope he isn't around a lot so the boyfriend and I can just continue chilling alone. And since the boyfriend's Metra stop for work is pretty close to where I live, I'm hoping he'll just "move-in" for a while. A few of my girlfriends have been bitching about guys lately, but for once I feel like I have nothing to bitch about. I'm in a good place with the boyfriend, but I constantly worry about it falling apart or me sabotaging the relationship. He already thinks I'm nutty and angry and of course we discuss all the time how I'm just going to stab him. What's a relationship without a bit of violence? I did threaten my ex-boyfriend with broken glass once and he hasn't let me forget it since.

I can't believe it's already Sept. Exactly 2 weeks from today, I'll be 31. Goddamn. I don't want to be that old. Thankfully I don't look it. It's going to be another busy week. Tomorrow night My Open Bar is throwing a free Drambuie event for three hours. I think it'll be alright (and if you live in the Chicago area, RSVP and come). Some point this week, I'm probably having dinner with the boyfriend's parents. I have to find another job, work on sending out writing pitches,b buy a domain name so my friend can design a website for me, get car insurance and new tags for my car, organize my new room, write a script to send to my cousin, etc, etc. The amount of stuff I have to do never ends.

The Fruit of Our Labors

2008-08-28T12:08:00.003-06:00

It's Thursday which means it's almost Labor Day weekend. It doesn't really matter since I feel like I never get any time off. There are always things to do. I'm learning to embrace the fact that I'm constantly busy and that they're are always going to be obligations like hanging out with friends, writing, interviewing bands, doing laundry, etc. I just have to go along with everything whether I like it or not. Then again, I'd get bored if nothing was going on.

Tonight, I'm going to start moving all of my stuff. Again. I'm hoping I won't have to move for a while after this. I have to get all my crap out of my friend's place and then all of my crap out of the sublet. I think I'll split it up into two nights. Even though I don't have that much stuff, moving is always a bitch. I'm hoping I'll like the new place even though there's no laundry room. It's the cheapest place I've ever lived. I don't think I'll be throwing any parties, though, because I always worry about eviction. And my roommate has a drum set in the apartment that I don't want to get broken. I've realized I've never had my very own place where I signed a lease and moved into an empty apartment. Never. I've always moved into other people's places. Someday I'll have my very own place with my very own furniture and very own storage space for all of my crap.

I have to go to the post office after work and get keys for my Post Office box. Yes, I feel like an adult. I figured since I move so much and since I haven't been getting a lot of my mail, it's a good idea. Also, at the new place, the mail person just throws all the mail through the slot. This concerns me especially since I get checks from time to time. Saturday I have to get up early and work a Time Out event and Sunday I'll probably have to get up early again to possibly go sailing. No sleeping in for me. I've been wanting to go sailing for a while, so hopefully the weather will be nice. We're going up to WI to go, so that'll be fun. Sunday is a My Open Bar dinner with the head guy from New York. I suppose it's more of a business dinner to discuss the future of MOB, but I always like hanging out with New York people. Anyway, I'll just be glad when I'm settled into the new place and get acclimated to it. There appears to be a lot of new bars and restaurants in the area, so I definitely want to take advantage of those attractions.

Today I was informed tomorrow is my last day at this temp job. Apparently they really need someone with actual accounting experience. I've been so unbelievably bored here so maybe it's a good thing. The only bad thing is the lack of funds constantly coming in. Hopefully my temp agency will find me something else in the meantime. I just don't think I'm cut out for the 9-5 grind. I hate it, in fact. I've been wanting to go back to freelancing, but it's just so unsteady. I haven't had the time to work on projects and pitch ideas and now hopefully I will. If I can get by doing it, I'll be set, it's just I really want to travel and stuff. Of course not having a steady job means I can travel and not have to worry about taking time off, but it's such a Catch-22. And with freelancing, it takes editors forever to get back to me or not at all. I hate waiting around for responses. But, I'm going to keep trying and see what happens. I still wish I could get a steady part-time job doing practically anything and just freelance.

Summer's almost over, so now it's time to start thinking about other things. I'm moving. My friend is moving away. Summer job over. Now I have to figure out what's next. There's a chance I might be going to Vermont in Sept. The boyfriend might have to go on business, so hopefully I can come with him. I like the idea of New England a lot and have always wanted to go there. I really want to go to CMJ, too (big music fest in NYC in Oct.). I'm applying for a press pass and if I get one, I'll probably go. Of course, I'll need some sort of income to afford all these trips. I'm so sick of stressing about money. Why can't a big, bag of money fall from the sky?

So, the other day I found my long, lost cousin on Facebook. The story goes, a couple of years ago I was watching Grey's Anatomy when my cousin appeared on screen. He only had one line, but it was him. I couldn't believe it. I IMDB'd him and sure enough, he was a working actor in L.A. My mom had a falling out with her brother which led to the family estrangement over ten years ago. The thing is, I always liked my mom's family better than my dad's side. My mom side is so normal compared to my dad's. Anyway, I've been trying to track him down ever since. I Googled him but couldn't find a contact. I considered calling his agency and everything. Of course I checked Myspace and Facebook, but he wasn't on there. But, the other day I tried searching for him again, and there he was. I guess he joined a couple of months ago. Anyway, we've been talking again and I'm going to get the rest of my family to reconnect with him, too. He's one of the nicest people, so I don't know why all of this estrangement had to happen. He's going to make a guest appearance in the new Alan Ball (Six Feet Under creator) show True Blood. I can't wait. He was even in the movie Zombie Strippers. I gotta Netflix that one. I really need to go out to L.A and see him and everyone else. Just another trip I probably can't afford to take. Damn. I finally got the love life straightened out, now if only I can get the career stable, I'm all set.

I think tonight is going to be my last night at the high-rise. I'm gonna miss the spectacular view, but it's really time to move on. For some reason, I keep getting sucked back to Wicker Park/UKV. It's really the best 'hood in the city and most of my friends live relatively close to there. It's like that Chad and Jeremy song, "Summer Song," "They say all good things must end." Or that Semisonic song, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." Here's to new beginnings.

Meet the Parents

2008-08-25T09:04:00.002-06:00

Over the weekend, I took the boyfriend home to meet my family. I know what you're thinking--that it's some huge and serious step, but not really. Everyone makes such a big deal over these things. We left Saturday morning and because of my lack of direction, ended up taking the long way home. There was a detour off the highway that I missed and we almost ended in MI. Luckily I'm skilled at reading a map, so I was able to navigate us through Indiana. I saw more of Indy than I ever wanted to see including a sign that said, "Stop Puppy Mills." I gasped in horror when I saw that. What the hell is a puppy mill?? Are they churning puppies into meat and selling it to the local McD's? The word "mill" conotates a lot of things. Mill means to mass produce something, so I suppose it could mean breeding puppies, but it could also mean destroying puppies Cruella De Ville style. Either way, I wanted out of Indy as soon as possible. And when we got to the OH/Indy border, there's a huge RV complex called Tom Raper. Yes, that's his name. I don't think I'd want to buy a RV from someone who might molest me in the back of one. Um, yeah.

So, we got to OH in the evening and everything was fine. The boyfriend got along with my family and they seemed to like him, too. My 13 year old nephew is growing up so fast. He's quickly becoming a man. He also for some reason loves bling. I can't understand why a white, rich 13 year old suburban kid loves bling. He even has a gold encased cell phone. I kinda like his phone, though. My mom thinks the boyfriend is too sophisticated for me. I'm not exactly sure what she means, but he probably is a little more cultured and worldly than me especially since I have serious food issues. I refuse to try anything weird or anything new. I know I should, but I'm stubborn like that. I know what I do and do not like and that's that. Anyway, it was nice to go home. I hadn't been home in months and I really need to find the time to go home more often and stay longer. I just feel like this summer has been crazy and there has been a lot going on. Last night I deleted 663 text messages that I'd accrued since the end of May. I was baffled. Do people really text me that much? I feel it's also been hard to fit all of my social obligations in, too. It seems when my friends are available I'm not and vice versa. There's just not enough time to fit everything in and that frustrates me. So much to do, so little time. I'm working on it, though.

So, I think I found a place to live. Thursday I took the day off to look at places to no avail. But Thursday night I found a place. I'm moving back close to the area I used to live. The place is small but the rent is dirt cheap and I can live there month-month and my roommate isn't around a lot. There isn't 0n-site laundry, which will be a bit of a pain, and the train station isn't exactly close (except if I start taking Metra), and the mail just gets thrown through a slot (I might get a P.O box), but other than that, I think it's doable. So now I have to once again move all my crap this week. It'll be nice to finally have a place for a while in an area close to everyone else. I'm ready to live the hi-rise. I also need to deal with my car. I have to transfer the title to IL and get IL plates and IL car insurance. Fun. I still need to get the damn thing fixed. Sometimes I wish I could just sell it and be done with it.

Tonight we have our last regular Saucony game. Honestly, I'm glad it's almost over. One less obligation I have to deal with. And I'm moving this week. And my friend is moving to Nashville this weekend, so I wonder if that'll entail any crazy goodbye festivities. And then it's Labor Day weekend. Once I get a little more settled, I need to start focusing on some long term plans, trying to freelance more, and figure out a way to travel the world. And to become independently wealthy.

The Shape of Things

2008-08-19T14:31:00.002-06:00

I can't begin to describe what an exhausting week it's been already. And it's only Tuesday? So, yesterday I realized the severity of my apartment need. I have to move next weekend! So, I set up some appointments. I looked at a place last night that was really cool. Two guys again, but the place is enormous and cheap and prime location. Plus I'd have my own private bathroom in my room. They're showing it to a lot of people, so I feel like I don't have much of a chance, but who knows. I found out today one of my friend's needs a roommate. His place would be even cheaper and even a better situation. Hopefully by the end of the week I can rest assured I won't be homeless. It won't be fun to move all my crap again, but hopefully I won't have to move again for a while. I will miss the South Loop place, but enough luxury living. It's time to come back to reality.

Last night I went out and things got a little crazy. Well, crazy for a Monday. One of my best friend's here in moving out of state in like a week, so I hung out with her and her Irish boy toys and some of my other friends. We had fun dancing and drinking, but before I knew it, it was really late. I took the train home and realized after it was too late that I got on the train going in the wrong direction. I got off the train and since it was late and since I knew it'd be forever before another train came by, I decided to walk home. All 15 blocks or something. Alone. Yeah, I know that you're thinking--I shouldn't be walking alone in Chicago at 3 in the morning, but you know what? It was actually kind of nice. There was no one around. It was quiet. The city was lit up before me. As I walked, I began to think about my place in this city. Four years ago I moved here with someone I loved and that didn't work out. Four years later, I've sorta found love again. Yeah, I guess it can happen in the big bad city. And then I thought about how the current boyfriend has the same name of a paramour who changed my life three years ago and the irony in that. Chicago is always full of surprises and I know it'll keep being that way.

I'm at an interesting stage right now. A transitional stage. It's the end of summer and I can feel things beginning to shift again. Things have to shift once in a while to combat the status quo of life. I'll be moving into yet another place shortly. My friend is leaving and it's already upsetting me. I seriously don't know what I'm going to do without her. She's the craziest yet most fun person I've ever known and she's leaving me. I will definitely be visiting her which is a plus, but she's one of the few people who's shaped my Chicago experience and she's simply irreplaceable. I don't make close friends easily and honestly, there are only a few people in the city that I consider close friends. Everyone else is more or less an acquaintance, but I need to try harder to bridge that gap and become closer with certain people because I'm going to need them. Like all my concert/party buddies. It's going to be a rough September. And on top of everything, I feel older. I'll be 31 in a few weeks and maybe a sense of maturity comes with the age. I feel like my life, or maybe me, is so different than I was a year or two ago. I still don't feel like a responsible grown up, and I still look really young, but I do know I have to take responsibility for certain actions and not put myself in complicated situations. And I've increasingly become a lot more domesticated in the past few months because of the boyfriend. I've definitely calmed down a lot, but not completely. There are still remnants of the old me from time to time. Hell, I'm even thinking that someday, like four years from now, I'd actually like to get married and have kids. I see a lot of my high school friends married with kids and it just seems like the thing to do. So, I'm not ruling it out but it's going to take a few more years for me. I've also realized how old everyone else seems. When I met a lot of my friends, they were in their mid 20s and suddenly everyone is in their late 20s and early 30s. How did this happen?

So, there's a change in the air. I think I want to go back to freelancing but only if I knew I could get by on that alone. I miss being able to go out at night, sleep till noon and lounge by the pool all day. I've wasted my summer inside an office. But, I need to save some money, pay off some debt and travel first, then consider my options. And yeah, I eventually need to put together my own website and write that damn book and pitch more ideas. But first things first. I'm dealing with a lot of emotions right now.

Hopefully in my next post, I will have good news about finding a roof over my head. I'm going to a Cubs game tomorrow which will be cool. I'm also spending the week catching up with all the friends I've neglected in the past few weeks. No wonder I'm fatigued.

Full Moon Madness

2008-08-17T18:51:00.004-06:00

Once again, this weekend I didn't do too much. Originally I was supposed to go to Witch Lake in MI with some friends but decided not to go. Hindsight, it probably would've been better to have gone. This weekend was the Air and Water show. All weekend I could hear and see planes buzzing outside my window. Bill Murray even skydived for the show. I always see a ton of boats and sailboats on the water. I wish I knew someone who could take me out on their boat.

So, since I've been living in the South Loop, I just haven't been as social. A lot of it has to do with where I live not being very convenient to where everyone else lives. A lot of my friends have been busy and/or out of town, too. Saturday night, I decided to be social. A couple of friends were throwing a party in Wicker Park, so the boyfriend and I woke up from our comas to go to the party. At first, everything was great. We were hanging out with cool people at a cool place with good booze. Then the boyfriend and I started to play pool and everything went wrong. The thing about this party is most of the people there were at least 40-45 years old. So, one of the guys that lives in the place, a big 40-50 year old goony Italian guy, approaches the boyfriend and starts interrogating him. Then he starts talking about playing pool for money and the boyfriend stops playing. Anyway, things began to escalate. Words were exchanged. The next thing I know, the goon grabs the boyfriend by the collar and almost throws him down a flight of stairs. Jesus. Needless to say, no one was hurt, but we were kicked out of the party. I don't understand men. They're immature at 25 and even more immature at 45. I was proud that the boyfriend didn't hit the guy. I kept telling him I was glad he didn't get his ass kicked, or as the boyfriend put it, that the goon didn't get his ass kicked. I think the goon was just being territorial and just wanted to pick on someone 20 years younger than him just to feel manly. It was an unfortunate incident that ruined the entire evening. Oh, did I mention there was a full moon out? The plan was to stay at the party for a while and then meet up with another friend in the area later on. But after the party debacle, we went back to my place. I felt bad because I hadn't seen this friend for a while and he really wanted to hang out, but because of my location and because of what happened, there was no way we were venturing back to the area. See, this is what happens when I do decide to go out and one reason why I don't go out a lot anymore. It's just such a drag sometimes. There are a lot of friends who I need to hang out with and I'm going to do my best in the coming week to get together with them. I just feel like there isn't enough time in the day to do everything. I especially need to spend time with the friends who are moving away soon.

I can't believe it's almost Sept. Where the hell did the summer go? I can't believe my 31st bday is around the corner, too. How did I get to be so old? I just feel a lot of uncertainty in life right now. I still haven't found a place to live. I've emailed several people on Craigslist to no reply. There are definitely some weirdos posting on there. I need to force myself to write more and make as much money as possible, and tolerate my current day job and figure out a way to travel a lot more. I guess you can say I'm worried about a lot of things right now as usual. Sometimes I feel like things pile up on me but I have to do my best to work through everything.

I'm hoping this week will be better. Wednesday night I'm going to my first Cubs game ever. I can't believe I've lived her for over 4 years and have never seen Wrigley Field. Scratch that off the list. On Thurs, I interviewed Jenny Lewis. For those of you who don't know her, she was a child actor. She appeared on a lot of 80s tv shows and movies. Now she fronts the band Rilo Kiley and has solo records. I grew up watching her on tv. I even saw Rilo Kiley on my bday last year. She's a really cool chick and we have a lot in common: she lives in the valley in L.A (I used to live in the valley), she's a year older than me, her parents are divorced, etc. The only thing separating us is she has more fame and money than me. Anyway, I found her to be very pleasant to talk to. She even asked me what restaurants I went to when I lived in L.A. It's been so long, that I could only remember a few. And for all I know, a lot of those places no longer exist. I really need to get back out there.

This coming weekend I'm taking the boyfriend home to meet the family. I can't believe I haven't been home since March. I think this is the longest I've ever gone without going home. Also this weekend, the guy I've been subletting from, gets back into town for a couple of days. I'm not sure how that's going to work with me staying here. I'd rather avoid the situation. Good thing I'll be gone for part of his return. I think we've hit the summer doldrums. There hasn't been a lot of concerts to go to, either. I'm going to my first show post- Lolla on Friday. But in Sept and Oct, there are a ton of good shows I need to get on the list for. Life just seems to be passing by at a rapid rate. I wish it all would slow down.

Workingman's Blues

2008-08-13T15:33:00.002-06:00

Lately, I've been really frustrated with everything. I have only a couple of weeks to find a place to live and have no idea where and with whom. I hate looking for apartments. I just wish I could find a sublet for a while where I didn't have to put down a deposit or sign a lease. And if I have to have a roommate, I want to only live with one person and preferably with someone I know. Once I find a more stable place, I'll feel a lot better, but right now I'm on the verge of panic mode. Again.

I'm also really frustrated with my job. I know I shouldn't discuss it on here, but my job bores me to tears. I really need a salaried position with benefits and a job that challenges me and forces me to be creative. I saw the Onion is hiring, but the chances of me even being considered for the position is slim. I'll apply anyway. I also would like a job that entailed travelling a little. I'm jealous of people who get to travel for their jobs. I know it's probably not that fun, but you get to go places on the company's budget. Either that or I'll just follow the boyfriend on business trips. But that's not going to happen. More than anything, I just want to travel, but alas, I'm always stuck here. It's really quite unfair. So many people and places to see, but time and money won't allow it. I was supposed to go to Witch Lake this weekend but that's out for now. Next weekend I'm supposed to go to OH so hopefully that'll pan out.

It has sucked with the boyfriend being away. I don't like it one bit but I've been trying to suppress my melancholy and neediness. There's definitely a difference between being needy and needing someone. I think it's good to miss people and tell them that you feel that way just as long as you're not crazy about it (which I used to be). I think I'm doing a lot better than I've done in the past. I don't freak out as much and I'm able to do my own thing, but I still don't like it, especially not being able to talk to him much. And of course I worry about the plane crashing, etc. I constantly worry we're going to bust up or that he's going to realize how crazy I really am and leave me, but I guess I can't worry about this stuff all the time. Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer broke up and they've been together as long as we have. If they can't make it work, who can? Um, yeah. So, basically I've been a bundle of worry and frustration lately. I have to interview Jenny Lewis tomorrow and must prepare for the interview. Then I have to do a quick turnaround on the article.

I watched the movie Stepbrothers online last night and actually liked it. It was funnier than I thought it was going to be. John C. Reilly cracks me up. Tonight I'm suppose to see my friend's band play, but I'm probably not going now simply because of logistics. In order for me to get to the venue, I'd have to go across town to get my car, drive to the venue, then either put my car back at my friend's place and crash there for the night, or park near my place then move it somewhere in the morning. Or just take the train which would then entail taking a bus and then going home alone at like midnight. So, it just makes sense not to go. I'll catch their next gig.

I wish it was tomorrow night already. Or better yet, Friday night. This week blows.

The Weekend of Nothingness

2008-08-10T18:45:00.004-06:00

I didn't do much this weekend and it was nice. After being completely obliterated by Lolla last weekend, I just wanted to chill for a few days. The first picture above is the view from my apartment. Jealous? I wake up everyday to the lake. Sometimes I wake up to see the dawn burning off the horizon. Spectacular. The second pic is the view from the Museum Campus a block from my apt. It's probably the best view of the city I've ever seen. Just imagine it at night, if you will. I wish I had a boat or knew someone who could take me out on theirs. It's been surprisingly cool the past couple of days. Too cool for swimming, even. I tried to lay out by the pool/swim yesterday, but it started to sprinkle. I went swimming the other night. I was the only one there. At first the water was chilly, but I got used to it. This past week, I've been somewhat anti-social. I've received a lot of invites to only turn them all down. I know I shouldn't be alienating people at this point considering I need all the friends I can get now, but I like being isolated in my 'hood. It's such a stretch to leave my apt. I'll also admit I've been spending a lot of time with the boyfriend. I think when I'm in a relationship, I just want to spend all my free time with the guy. But, there needs to be a balance in spending time with someone and still having your own life. I learned that the hard way in my last relationship. The boyfriend will be in Miami on business for the next couple of days so hopefully I can come out of my shell a little bit. I will miss him, though. Aw. I'm trying not to be the stereotypical, clingy girlfriend that I've been in the past, but it's hard sometimes. I'm so impatient and controlling. Time apart is sometimes good, right? I'll use this time to get shit done. I really need to find a place to live. And the guy I'm subletting from has an array of Italian movies I need to watch. Unfortunately, some of them are scratched. I need to finish a writing project and I still need to get my car fixed. The process is taking forever I fear it'll never get fixed. I also need to start soliciting other publications and writing more. But having a day job zaps all my energy. I wish I could just save a bunch of money, quit my job and travel for a while. It's a Catch 22, though--can't travel with no money, and no job equals no money, but if you have a full-time job, you can't take time off to travel. There are so many friends/places I need to visit. A ticket to Austin costs about $300, which is ridic. But, a ticket to Nashville is only $150. I think I can manage that.

Anyway, back to the weekend. Friday night the boyfriend and I hung out and drank in the apartment. Saturday, we ate at a good diner across the street. There seems to be a dearth of good diners in this city. It's the convenience that I love most about the 'hood: grocery store, liquor store, restaurants, Starbucks, train and museums all within a block of my place. I will miss this when I move. There are still some places I need to take advantage while I'm living down here. I especially would like to go to Shedd Aquarium and some other eateries. Saturday night we watched the movie 4 months, 3 weeks and 2 Days. It's a Romanian movie about abortion. It was fairly good but dragged on in parts. This afternoon I actually cooked the boyfriend and I brunch! I'm becoming so domesticated. I think I draw the line at eggs. That's all I can really cook. And pasta. I've become obsessed with espresso. The guy I'm subletting from has an espresso machine, so I keep drinking it to the point where I shake. Not good.

I'm feeling restless these days. I desperately want to travel. I want things to move forward. I want the boyfriend to meet my family and vice versa (which is coming up). I want to hang out with certain people I haven't seen in a while. I want to be able to do everything and fit everything into my schedule. I want a solid career doing what I love. I need to go to the dentist and stuff like that, but since I don't have health insurance, it all adds up, but I need to take care of myself. I also want to geek out and watch the Olympics, but the tv at my place doesn't seem to work outside of DVD watching. Oh well. I should read a book anyway and enjoy my fortress of solitude.

I'm beginning to wonder if it's possible to have it all, like both a successful relationship and career at the same time. I feel like it's either one of the other and not both. And which is harder: maintaining a solid relationship or career? I'm guessing the latter is easier to sustain. Someday I hope to have both at the same time and be able to balance them equally as well.

Lazy Days

2008-08-08T11:31:00.002-06:00

It's been a week since Lolla, and I'm still tired. I realize I've worked over a week straight without a break. I didn't even get to sleep in last weekend. Blasphemy. This weekend I plan on just relaxing, maybe hitting the pool, sleeping in and checking out some places in the 'hood. Yunno, doing the stuff I feel like I never get to do. It's crazy-in three weeks I'll have to move again. I have no idea where I'll go. It's become an adventure. Every month I'll live in a new place. No, I'd like to find a more permanent place, but the idea of having a roommate again isn't appealing. Plus I'm getting used to my luxury, penthouse living.

Lately on Facebook, I've discovered a lot of my high school/childhood friends are on there. It's surprising to find out how many people from my hometown/high school live here in Chicago. It does make sense. Chicago is the next biggest/coolest city outside of OH. I mean, why would anyone want to move to Indiana? I know I'll never hang out with these people, but it's cool knowing they exist here. Some of my old friends still look really good, while others look unrecognizable. The years have been hard. I found my oldest childhood friend. She's married with three kids. It's strange to think when you're younger, where you'll end up. I remember playing MASH with my friends as a six year old. Yunno, the game where you give names of guys or girls you like, your fave color, where you'd like to live, etc, then by process of elimination your future is told. Now we're all adults playing house for real. It's sad how fast time goes.

This week I haven't done much. I even turned down an open bar one night. I just haven't felt motivated in going out, especially since I live all the way south now. It takes effort to leave the hood. The weather has been surprisingly nice, too. Soon, summer will wane and fall will be here. My friends will move away and I'll be sad. Luckily, there are some good concerts coming up in the next couple of months to assuage me. I really want to travel more. I want to take all the money I make and blow it on travel. There's a chance I might go to Austin in October. I want to go there and Nashville, and KY and CA and the Caribbean, etc. Just not enough time and money to do everything, but I will try to do so somehow.

One of my friends remarked this week that I'm alive and living my life. Sometimes I think that, sometimes not. If I was really living my life, I'd be in Europe right now. I guess I've sorta turned things around. For the first time all year, I have money coming in, albeit it's not a job I enjoy. Monday will mark the four month anniversary of the boyfriend of me. I realize this is the second longest relationship I've ever been in, which isn't saying much. The first was five years...Five years, four months, it's all relative. I think I'm someone who takes relationships very seriously. I don't get into a relationship with just anyone. Plus most of the guys I usually attract are very non-committal. So for me to find a guy who I really like, who mutually likes me and is committed, well, maybe that's half the battle.

Best. Lolla. Ever

2008-08-04T11:23:00.006-06:00

This weekend I went to Lollapalooza for all three sold out days (I didn't know Lolla could sell out!). Friday I left work early and got to the fest around 3ish. I checked out a few bands and patiently waited for Radiohead to go on. As soon as they started, there was a huge surge forward resulting in me feeling like I was going to get crushed. I had a pretty good spot except for the drunken frat boys around me smoking weed and moshing. That's irritating. It was my first Radiohead experience and it was pretty great even though some hardcore fans might think it could've been better. Random fireworks went off enhancing the entire experience. Getting out of the park after that was a pain, but luckily I now live in walking distance of Grant Park so I didn't have to deal with trains or anything. I could just watch the mayhem from my high rise apartment.

Saturday, I went back as an employee dispensing Time Out magazines throughout the park. I almost lost my mind when they handed me a Crew wristband consisting of all-access throughout the park. My job was to fill magazines at the VIP areas and Media area and pass them out to the crowds. I spent most of the day relaxing in the VIP lounges which consisted of free lunch and dinner, water and booze. And really nice toilets that actually flushed. Of course we weren't allowed to drink on the job, so I had to avoid that temptation. I caught a few bands on Saturday and met up with some friends I hadn't seen in a while. It was a very social afternoon. My feet were really tired from walking back and forth across the park (one mile each way) but it was less hot on Saturday than Friday. In fact, it was fairly pleasant. I left a couple of songs into Rage Against the Machine's set which I read and heard later resulted in chaos. Part of me would've liked to stay longer, but I was tired and I didn't want to get trampled on.

I'm really glad I didn't attempt to make my own wristband this year as they completely changed the design of it making it nearly impossible to replicate. I like to think I made a difference, whether positive or negative. I wonder if they had some sort of design meeting to combat criminals like me from sneaking in.

On Sunday, I had to get up early and work again but this time the boyfriend worked with me. At first I think he was hesitant about the whole thing, but it was a free ticket, plus we were getting paid on top of that and got a nice stipend for the day. I think he changed his mind when he realized how awesome the whole thing was. Once again, we had free lunch and dinner (good stuff) and free booze later in the day. We did have to work our asses off, though. We had several boxes of mags to get rid of. Luckily, most people took them. It made me feel good knowing I had an article in a magazine that could've potentially reached 70,000 people at the fest. Because of the intense passing out, I didn't get to see many bands as I would've liked, but wherever I went, I could always hear bands playing. A couple of days earlier, Time Out asked me to cover the NIN (Nine Inch Nails) performance. They were headlining tonight. Apparently it's a big deal for me to write about as a lot of people will read it, so I was both excited and nervous to cover it. I'm not sure how I felt about the performance. It was cool to see a band I sorta liked in high school, but overall, it could've been a little better. Finally, Lolla was over. I was so completely exhausted and sunburned and I had to get up early to write my review and go to my stupid job.

I know I constantly bitch and complain about my life, but this weekend emphasized how great my life really is and how fucking awesome Chicago is. I was standing there every night listening to cool bands and admiring the lit up skyline. And for the next few weeks, I have a cool place to live for the month and a great guy in my life. Of course I worry all of this could change in a second, but this weekend was amazing and a great start to August: free food and booze, great company, great music, good money, living alone, etc. Now I'm feeling the post-Lolla let down. I'm at work and can't concentrate. I still need to go home and organize my stuff and upload photos, etc., etc. This weekend was great being around the bands and friends that inspire me. I don't know how much longer I can keep a day job. Sure, the money is nice, but what I really want to be is a music reporter. I want to get paid to travel around the world going to music fests and writing about them. I need to go to SXSW and Coachella at some point. Music is my life. It's what I know and love. I have to find a way to do it for a living. But, I won't think about that too much now. I'm just going to enjoy this high.

I've growing accustomed to my new 'hood, too. Everything is so damn convenient. It's nice to not have to worry about coming home to a trashed apartment and potential kitchen counter sex. I'm going to do my best to keep this place tidy. I feel like I'm living in a hotel because this building is so big. Right now there's a lightning storm going on that's freaking me out a bit.

Here are some of my Lolla photos.

Lolla Fever

2008-07-30T15:53:00.010-06:00

It's only Wednesday and I really wish it was Friday. I'm so damn excited about Lolla and finally moving into my new pad this weekend! But before Friday gets here, I have to move the rest of my stuff into the new place, clean the current place and get through tomorrow. I have more stuff than I realized which is mainly just clothes. Do I really need so many clothes? Probably not, but I'm attached to a lot of them. I'm so happy to be moving out of my place and into a cool 'hood. I hope everything pans out with the new place, like, yunno, that I don't get kicked out considering that I'm not really supposed to be there. I'm excited about checking out the restaurants near me, the view, the pool and of course being able to walk to Lolla this weekend. I will miss living in Wicker Park though. Most of my friends live there. But, I will have one good friend within walking distance near my new place. But that's it, really. At least the train is close by.

I'm going to all three days of Lolla. Legit this year. I bought a ticket for Friday night (the boyfriend helped pay half, aw) and then I'm working the Time Out booth Saturday and Sunday. It's supposed to be really hot this weekend. Great. All I care about is seeing Radiohead Friday night. I'm hoping they'll blow my mind. I can't believe this will be the 12th time the boyfriend has seen them. He's seen them all over the world! I don't think I've ever or will ever love any band that much. There are a few bands I've seen multiple times in different cities, but I'd never go to another country to see any of them. Everyone I practically know in Chicago (at least music lovers) will probably be at Lolla this weekend. There are so many after parties and shows, it's going to be nuts. Part of me wants to just chill at the new place and not go out, but then there's a part of me that wants to engage in these free activities. So, we'll see how I feel. I know I'm not going to get any sleep this weekend. I'm running on pure adrenaline already. I'm so hyped up on sugar and the flurry of activity that's going on. But, there's a palpable excitement in the city right now. And oh, I love it when my personal experiences get published. August is going to be a great month, I can feel it. New place, Lolla, light traveling, etc. I'm not looking forward to the fall. I already know it's going to be a dark period with two of my best friends leaving. By the time summer ends, I'm going to have to start figuring out what the hell to do with my life. But for now, I can't really complain much.

Last night the boyfriend took me to East Bank Club's weekly lobster night. I think I like crab better than lobster, but it was a nice dinner. Monday night I ended up randomly DJing at a bar my friend bartends at. It was fun making the drunk kids dance to my playlist. I wish I could become some sort of DJ superstar. Tomorrow morning, I will leave Cortez St. forever. I'm going to have to drag my laptop and some other stuff to work with me. The guy I'm subletting from is being nice enough to let me crash at the place tomorrow night so that I won't be homeless. Then on Friday, I'm going to work a half day, get the keys to the place and go straight to Lolla. Lolla is not only the event of the summer here in Chicago, but the best event of the year, in my opinion. The past two years I've had a blast and I'm hoping for the same this year.

Please make it be Friday already!
_____________________

So, I've officially moved out. It was a pain trying to clean up and get everything to the new place. I've realized this is only the second place I've lived until the lease ran out. First place was in L.A. It was weird to see the place bare. There was shit everywhere. Nothing like waiting till the last minute to move out. At least I worked ahead. I also realized that was the most consistent place I've lived here in Chicago. But, I'm glad it's over. My new place even has a trash chute! I feel so scattered. My stuff is strewn all over town. Half is at a friend's in Bucktown, half is with me in the Loop, my Netflix is going to the boyfriend's place, the rest of my mail is going to a friend's and my car will probably be somewhere else. Whew.

Moving Day

2008-07-27T18:38:00.004-06:00

I'm sitting here waiting for my beau to come over and move all my shit for me. It's not going to fun, but it needs to be done. My friend is being nice enough to let me store my stuff in her extra room for the month. It's not a lot of stuff, but it's enough. In a few days, I'm going to be a nomad and homeless for one night. I'm getting used to this kinda thing. I just want the next week to be over already. I want to move and begin my one month residency in the high rise which I've decided to use as therapy. It'll be so nice to be alone and not have to come home to a mess or kitchen counter sex, etc. I'll wake up every morning and admire my view. I'll go swimming whenever I want. It'll be my fortress of solitude for the month. I'll watch movies and read and write and everyone will leave me alone. And I'll even learn how to work the espresso machine in the place. I wish I could throw a party, but since it's not technically my place, I can't. And I can't really have people over. I'm still worried about all that white carpet in the place. Don't want to spill anything on it. In the meantime, I have to move my stuff into my friend's place, then move the rest of my stuff into the new place, hope my mail forwards on time, settle utilities with the roommates, and figure out where to leave my car. Fun times. But this time next week I'll be in my new pad recovering from Lolla and of course trying to figure out where I'll move next.

Saturday night I went to a party at my friend's new place. He has the biggest closet I've ever seen. I asked if I could live in his closet and he said he'd consider it. Only thing is it attaches to another room so that might be awkward if he gets a roommate. But, hell, I'd live in a closet. Why not? I went to Wicker Park fest for a little on Saturday and ran into a few people I hadn't seen in a while, so it was all good. I know in my last post I seemed sorta directionless, but I'm not going to give up on the journalism or finding what I want to do. I really wish I could take off for a couple of months and go somewhere and just write. Like get a cabin in the woods, get up every day and write without the distractions of everyday life. I know people who take off and leave the country for couple of months, get some perspective, then come back. I wish I could do that, too. Maybe someday. I just want to travel a lot. The thing is, I don't hate Chicago, but I hate just being here for long spells. If I could get out and travel, then I wouldn't burn out so fast. I could probably stay in Chicago forever if I got to travel a lot more.

Anyway, I just hope I can get through this week of moving, settling in, going to Lolla, trying to pitch ideas and wrapping up all those loose ends.

Selling Out?

2008-07-25T15:41:00.003-06:00

Today a friend of mine lectured me a little about me needing to do something with my life. It was more of a "you need to do what makes you happy" lecture. Anyway, it got me thinking about what indeed am I doing with my life. My friend pointed out that I distract myself with boys and that I'm just stalling instead of going after what I want. I'll admit maybe I am distracting myself a little with my beau and with partying and such, but I don't think it's a major conflict. I just don't know what path to take.

More and more I don't even want to be a journalist. I keep saying, why am I writing about bars? What's the point? I've realized a lot of the writing I do is for money and I don't want it to be about the money. When I was freelancing, I depended on those checks to survive. But now that I have income coming in from this accounting job, I feel as though I don't need to pursue those writing options/event promotions as much. It's not as dire. And it's a lot of work. I do admit I like seeing my name in print and having people read my stuff, and some of the journalism I do is fun, but it's not what I want to do. I'm sick of weekly deadlines. I want to write this book I keep talking about and write some fiction. And I don't even have to get paid for it. My other friend said it best with you need a job and working for a corporation isn't selling out. Like bands who sell their music to commercials A lot of people see it as selling out, but how else are they going to pay bills and continue making albums? There's a way to sustain yourself without losing your integrity. And then he mentioned what if you do make a living doing what you love then lose your passion and then are just in it for the money? Like Nicholas Cage. He makes movies for the money and they suck. He's a businessman, not an actor, as my friend pointed out. And for me it's never been about the money. I want to do things because I love to do it not because there's a paycheck involved. I wish I could just write all the time and not worry about money and such. And I wish I could find a job that I actually like to pay the bills while I pursue other things.

I don't have the answers. I don't know if I'm going to stay in Chicago. I keep thinking I should apply for jobs in other states and see what happens. Maybe I'm not meant to do what I want here. And like I've said before, all my close friends want to move away. So, I need to keep my options open. I need money to travel and have my own place and as my friend mentioned, "for a better life." I wouldn't say I'm unhappy, but I could be happier. I just feel like I'm always stuck in a rut or that I always end up back where I started, that not a lot changes. My horoscope for the week mentioned going into the dark forest to find life changing results. I think that's what I need to do: just take some risks and see what happens.

Anyway, enough introspection. This time next week, I'll be living in my new place with my awesome view and awesome pool. It's also Lolla next weekend and it looks like I'm going to work it for Time Out which means free admission! No illegal activity this year. I just hope I get to see the bands I want. Like Radiohead. That's all that matters. I've been so burned out on concerts. I have no desire to go to any although I'll probably check out Wicker Park fest this weekend.

The past couple of days, I've been packing/throwing out my stuff. This weekend I have to move most of it to my friend's place. Then in a month move it somewhere else. I think the change will be good. It's just a pain forwarding mail and waiting to get my deposit back, etc. I will miss living so close to my fave club Evil Olive. I've decided against moving in with my beau, too. It's way too soon and I only should live with someone if we're settling down or something. I've also decided to do the complete opposite with him than I did in my previous relationship. Like taking things slow, letting things progress on their own without forcing or rushing into things, not being a crazy, psycho bitch, keeping my independence, etc.

Last night I saw Dark Knight and I liked it, although I thought it was too long. They shot most of the movie here in Chicago, so it was cool to see the streets I walk on featured. I would've liked more Joker, though. He was the best part of the movie. RIP Heath.

Hope for Sun, Prepare for Rain

2008-07-23T12:17:00.004-06:00

Last night we played Capture the Flag in the Saucony league. I don't remember ever playing that as a kid. I played similar games like freeze tag and Mother May I, but definitely not Capture. It was sorta a lame game, but we won. Afterwards, we went to the open bar which entailed a lot of drinking and shots which led me to throw up. Um, yeah. I can't remember the last time I've thrown up. But you know, I felt so much better afterwards. Goddamn Saucony.

Lately, I've been thinking how lucky I really am. I finally have a job and can actually afford to buy things. I'm with someone who's really attentive and someone who's even looking into taking me to the Caribbean. In a week, I'll be moving into an apartment where every morning when I wake up, I'll be able to look out the window and see the lake. At the same time, I'm terrified everything is going to fall apart and I'll be back to square one. I just want things to progress and move forwards, not backwards. I need to hold onto things. I think my new motto is going to be "hope for sun but prepare for rain." That sounds about right. And even though I'm making some money now, I need to try to save as much as possible and pay stuff off. Next week is going to be crazy. I'll be moving and then the first night at my new place is Lollapalooza. I have to see Radiohead next Friday night there or I'll freak out. I'm hoping it'll be the highlight of my summer. I just have to get through this move which is not going to be fun. I'm hoping August will be a good month for traveling. The third weekend in August, my friends are going up to the Upper Peninsula and staying at a cabin in Witch Lake (which sounds like a horror film title). There's a small chance I may have to go to Nashville, too.

I know I bitch a lot about my roommates, but it's going to be weird not living with them. It's been a whole year of my life and now we're all going separate ways. I've moved every year since living in the city, so I know it won't take me too long to adjust. But what I really, really want is for my guy to move in with me. One of my friend's is moving September 1st, so her one bedroom is available. It's perfect. Space, good location and cheap. I mentioned this to my guy and he's like "quit talking crazy." I don't see moving into together as some huge step in our relationship, I see it as being economical. I can't afford to live alone, I can't deal with roommates anymore, he's over at my place all the time anyway, etc. And if it doesn't work out, he can go back living where he currently lives. And we could live there month-to-month. I mean, I moved in with Ex Boyfriend after only knowing him for a month, and I've known friends who quickly moved in with significant others. And my roommate, who was very adamant about not moving in with his girlfriend, is now taking the plunge. So, that's my argument. And hey, I'm willing to live with someone again after having been kicked out. Maybe I'm just brave. I've also realized when I'm in a relationship, I'm very all or nothing. Things have a tendency to move fast with me. Granted, I've only ever been in one serious relationship, but things moved fast but yet felt very natural and normal. This relationship feels the same way. I don't understand why guys get so freaked out by the idea of living with someone. Geez.

I feel like major changes are on the horizon. I think things have been slowly changing for a while. All of my close friends in Chicago are either moving or planning on moving within the next year. If they all leave me, what will I do? I don't make friends easily. I suppose I'll have to eventually leave, too.

Yupsterdom

2008-07-20T13:42:00.002-06:00

Yes, it's official: I've become a yupster. Just in a matter of days, in fact. It all started earlier in the week when I began housesitting for my friend who lives in yupster central, Bucktown. They just opened a Dairy Queen there, so you know it's yupsterville. For a few days, I took care of the chihuahua with my guy. We pretended to play house and it was fun. I told him, "I bet you never thought you'd wake up one day and have a live in girlfriend, a pet chihuahua and be living in Bucktown." Then half an hour later we went to a wine bar for dinner. Um, yeah. Yupsters. This trend has continued through the weekend. I didn't go to Pitchfork even though today I had the chance to take my friend's extra ticket. I already had tentative plans to go to Ravinia to check out some classical music. I mean, what the hell is wrong with me? Why did I chose classical over my indie/hipster music? Have I become that bored with my hipster status? I think so. I wasn't thrilled about the idea of Pfork this year anyway. It's hot and rainy and long days and I've seen a lot of those bands already. But, it's an experience. Everyone I know was there except me. But that's okay. I busied myself with other things this weekend. Friday night I had to go to the newly reopened Bottom Lounge because I had to write an article on the place. I'd been wanting to go, so it gave me an excuse. They have the largest deck I've ever seen. It's worth checking out. Saturday I went to Quenchers, yet another bar I've been wanting to go to. They have over 200 beers from around the world, even from Namibia and India. But no Iranian beer. Weird. Is there such a thing? Today I'm on my way to Ravinia to hear classical music. I got a couple of free passes for the lawn. You just sit there on a blanket with a picnic and listen to cool music. I've never been there either, so I suppose I did accomplish some things this weekend. It's always good to try out new stuff.

In a week I have to move. I have to be completely out of my place by noon on July 31st, which is creeping up. I'm going to move most of my stuff next weekend temporarily into a friend's place. Then just take the bare minimum over to my new pad. I will probably have to find a place to crash for a couple of nights, or maybe I'll sleep on the couch of my new place. Already, all my friends want to come over and use my pool, but I don't know. I'm not supposed to have guests. I don't want to get into trouble. But, I'll see what I can do. I can't let such a nice apartment with awesome amenities go to waste. It'll be nice to live alone for a month. No more messy boys. I should take a picture of my kitchen right now. It's unbelievable that we don't have roaches. I'm just ready to move the hell out and start living my yuppie life in the South Loop (which by the way is one of the hottest neighborhoods in the nation right now). Soon, I'll be back to being a nomad with all my stuff scattered across the city. I haven't figured out where to leave my car. And I have to forward my mail somewhere else until I get a permanent place. What a hassle moving is. I wish I could take all my stuff back home, but since my mom is moving soon, it's not feasible. I'm sure it'll work out okay. I don't want to even think about where I'll be living come September. I need to keep this stupid job I have and work and make money so I can afford to live alone all the time. But I know how restless I get at jobs. Gotta stay focused. Gotta keep writing and getting paid for it, too.

Lolla is in two weekends and I need to figure out how I'm going. I just don't want to deal with the hassle of getting into festivals anymore. But I have to see Radiohead even if that means buying a ticket. I wish I could talk Time Out into giving me a tix since they do owe me. And I'll be living across the street from the fest, so it'll be nice and convenient. Well, I have a couple of weeks to figure it out. I also need to get my car fixed. The insurance company is involved now but I feel they are a bit shady considering they spelled my name wrong five times on the form they send me. Five. Times. Um, yeah. Quality.

Tomorrow night we're playing Capture the Flag for Saucony. I don't think I even played that as a kid. I need to focus on moving and getting rid of some of my shit. After I get settled into the new place, I can begin concentrating on other things like writing more, especially fiction stuff. I have a feeling August is going to be a busy month. My friend wants me to drive down to Nashville with her and one weekend I'm going with some friends to Witch Lake in Michigan. Finally, some travel, but it's all so expensive with gas. At least it'll be split with people.

I just feel like my life is going through such transitions right now. I guess it's all really positive, but at times I get so frustrated. I feel directionless. I mean, how long will I stay at this job? It's not permanent but they did say I'd be there for a long time. Then what? What about what I really want to do for a living? Like I always ask myself, am I really going to write about bars for the rest of my life? When will I write this damn book I've been working on for three years? And I want to travel all over, but it's not a good time to travel, especially to Europe. And where will I end up living come September? And will my current relationship last? I guess I need to quit worrying and just let things unravel as they should. Easier said than done.

The Good and the Bad

2008-07-16T15:11:00.003-06:00

Since last night, I've been housesitting for my friend taking care of her chihuahua while she's out of town. I haven't house sat since college nor have had the responsiblity of taking care of an animal in a few years. The dog is adorable, but I'm afraid I'm going to drop something on it and crush it. I feel bad leaving it alone all day while at work, but what can you do? It's small enough, so I could probably sneak it in. Just kidding. Sorta Boyfriend has been crashing with me, too. It's freaking me out a little bit--having a live in for a few days. I keep thinking about living in L.A with Ex-Boyfriend being all domesticated and owning a cat. At the same time, I'll admit it's nice to wake up to him and come home to someone I don't hate. I really want to take over my friend's lease in September, but I can't afford it. It's been nice being away from my shitty roommates, too. They keep getting worse. I'm the only one who ever wakes up early, so they stay up late drinking and having people over at crazy hours. But fuck 'em. I'm moving out in less than two weeks. I never want to have roommates again.

Speaking of moving, I'm taking the place in the South Loop for the month of August. It has an amazing view of the Lake and Grant Park, it's quiet and I can live completely alone. The only thing is I'm not supposed to be there. In order to legit sublet, I'm supposed to get a credit check, show the leasing company my past two pay stubs, past lease agreements, and if I don't make a certain amount of money, get a co-signer. WTF? All for one month? My friend who I'm subletting from has decided not to tell the leasing company that I'm staying there. Of course, we both could get into a lot of trouble, but if they ask, I'm his girlfriend staying for a few days. I should mention my friend was named by Chicago Magazine as one of Chicago's most eligible bachelors. Interesting. Too bad he's moving to Amsterdam. Oh wait, what am I saying. I already have a guy. So, now I have to put a bunch of my stuff in storage at another friend's place and then move. Hopefully it won't be too hard. Come September, I'll have to figure it out again. Fun! But at least I can finally be a grown up and live alone.

Today I got bad news: I'm not getting my press pass to Pitchfork this weekend even though I was promised it months ago. Apparently Pitchfork people are stingy and only allot a certain amount of passes. Oh well. I'm sure I can find another way in, but it's not worth it at this point. I'm not that excited about the lineup and it's a very long weekend, but I know a lot of people who are going and it's the principal I'm most upset about. I should have no problem getting passes to these sorts of things. Don't people know who I am? I don't want to miss out, even though I've gone the past three years. I'm not giving up hope yet, but I'm about to say, fuck it. I'll go hang out by the pool instead.

I Have a Boyfriend. Sorta.

2008-07-12T10:10:00.005-06:00

Sometimes I wish I was a celebrity and have gossip magazines discuss my lovelife. I always wanted to be involved in one of those "are they or aren't they" scenarios or have "red hot romance" or "new beau" to describe my dating situation. I know I haven't really discussed boys much on here lately and I know there's been some speculation, so I'm just going to come out and say it: I kinda have a boyfriend. Well, as close to having a boyfriend without really defining it or changing my Facebook status. I told a few of my friends about him, but I must have some pretty perceptive friends because a lot of people have figured it out on their own. Or maybe body language goes a long way. Anyway, I've been casually "seeing" this certain someone for the past three months. Of course nowadays, how do you even define dating? What is dating in the 21st century anyway? Or I guess my mom would call it, "going steady." Even if we haven't established what we are, most of my friends refer to him as my boyfriend--but I can't tell if they mean it sarcastically or not.

This is probably the steadiest "relationship" I've had in the past two years, so I'm just trying to ease into it. What's great about it, is it's been this whole natural progression. I had known this person for about a year before things got really involved. I've realized that's where I went wrong in the past. If you just hook up with someone you just met, a real relationship will probably never materialize. It's doomed to fizzle out. On the other hand, if you build a foundation and establish a friendship first, it'll be bound to last longer. I'm terrified of what this all means and where it's going. Sometimes I let my insecurities get the best of me and I'm afraid I'm going to sabotage this like I did with my last relationship. I'm afraid of being too needy because in my last relationship I was psycho needy. I do think I'm such a different person than I was in my last relationship. I'm able to have my own life and do my own thing. I think this is important as in the previous relationship, I made my boyfriend the center of the universe instead of focusing on other things. I think I have enough on my plate now, like moving, working, writing, other social activities, to be distracted from just focusing on the relationship, which is a good thing. I have no idea where this "relationship" is heading and I'm just trying to take things week by week. I can't even think about if we're going to spend the holidays together or take trips or go to weddings, etc. It may or may not come to that. I'm also trying not to be too demanding because there are lot of places and things I want to do and since my guy has a lot more money than me, I expect him to shower me with paying for things. I guess that's the old fashioned in me. A guy should pay for a lady. It's like when I'd visit my dad in CA, I'd present him with a list of things I wanted to do and he'd do his best to make it happen.

I know I've written on here a lot that I didn't want a relationship, but I think we all knew that was a lie. I feel like I've played the field enough, been there, done that. I think all along I wanted something more substantial than a fling and I now I think I've found that. It's really great to be with someone who really wants to be with you, someone who you can talk to about anything and everything, someone who accepts you for your sordid past, someone who you can go out and do things with, someone who gets along with all your friends, etc. I think it helps that we have a lot of the same friends. I think it's also funny this person was right in front of me the entire time, but it took me a while to notice, and now I'm glad I did. Of course this guy isn't perfect and he definitely has his fair share of issues, but I think the important part is so far he's really putting the effort in to making me happy. My friend told me even if this doesn't work out, at least he'll have set the standard for the way a guy should treat me. It's taking me a long time to get to this point. I've had to trudge through a lot of heartbreak and disappointment. I'm constantly worried this new relationship is going to go horribly wrong, but for now, I can't really complain.

In a previous post, I discussed finding Lloyd Dobler. I think more and more, this guy is becoming my version of Lloyd. But if he stands outside my window blasting a boombox, this whole thing is over.

Worker Bee

2008-07-09T17:32:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, I started an indefinite temp job meaning it might last for a while unless of course I find a way to fuck it up, which I probably will. It's at a company I actually worked at for a couple of months last summer, so in a way, I'm back where I started. How do I always end up where I started? I'm doing accounting data entry and honestly, I have no clue what I'm doing. I've never been very good with numbers and I surely don't understand accounting lingo. I keep telling myself to be a good employee because I really need this job. It pays decently and as long as I don't get fired, I will be set. But knowing myself, I will become restless and try to fight the system. For some reason I can't access my email at work which is very frustrating. It blocked by one of those Websense things. I can get on Facebook, Myspace and IM without a problem, but I need to be able to respond to emails throughout the day because I get a lot of time sensitive messages from editors and such. So, I've been going to Kinkos or trekking all the way to the Apple Store to do email at lunch. I wish I could find a way around it. I know I shouldn't do personal stuff at work, but it's maddening to not have communication with the outside world all day. So, I keep giving myself pep talks. "Don't fuck this up, Garin." During the past few months, I've come to realize the importance of money and now realizes it buys freedom. I'm sick of being the poorest of my friends and not being able to afford food and such. I don't thinking having this "day job" is selling out or anything. I don't think I'm as against working a day job as much as I was before. I can't wait a month for a check. It'll be nice to be able to pay bills and hopefully save some money and actually travel. I keep telling myself I can do this until something better comes along because freelancing isn't paying all of my bills right now. So, here's hoping I can be a worker bee for a while and make some dinero. Plus I'm getting paid for most everything I write, so there's more money on top of my weekly check. I should use that as fun money or put it into savings.

Monday night we played another Saucony game and actually won. Hell, I even scored a run. Last night I did some Ipod DJing at a bar for the first time. This involved my friend the DJ plugging it into the system and blasting my playlist for like 10 people. I didn't really DJ and I wish more people would've been there, but it was fun to do and I hope to do more of it. Now I can't stop thinking about songs to add to my future playlists.

I have to move very soon, like two weeks soon and I only have one prospect now. I'm probably going to move to the South Loop for the month of August and live in this guy's high rise. He'll be in Europe for the month, so I can live alone for once. I need to check it out, but it overlooks the lake, has a pool, etc and sounds great. It'll buy me time to find another place I suppose. I just can't have roommates anymore. I can't do it. I need to find a way around it. Hopefully this place will pan out for a little bit and something else will come along. Right now I'm just trying to get my shit together because I have no other choice. I have to move and I have to have money, so I'm trying to take the necessary steps to get my life on track. I'll worry about my writing career in more detail later once I've established more stability for myself. I just want all of my current anxieties to quell a little like the demand for money and moving. I'll feel better once my situation stabilizes.

Right now I'm really tired. I'm not used to getting up so early. And I have a deadline tomorrow so I need to write some stuff. God, I hope everything falls nicely into place.

Post Weekend Wrap Up

2008-07-07T13:06:00.003-06:00

The long weekend went by as usual and I feel like nothing has been resolved in my life. I have to move in like 22 days and have no idea where. Both of my prospects have fallen through. I looked on Craigslist today and everything seems a bit sketchy or out of my range. Ideally, I want to live somewhere month to month, have utilities included, not to have to put down a deposit and live with only one person or alone. I met a girl this weekend who is house sitting here for a few months rent free! That's what I need. I wish some rich person would come up to me and be like, "I'm going to Europe for a while. Wanna stay in my nice abode for free and keep a watch on everything?" Hell, yeah. I'd save so much money. Rent is my biggest expense every month. Oh well. At least I still have more time than I have had in the past to find a place. Hopefully something will work out and if not, I'm used to being homeless. Maybe I could write a book about it. Or maybe I'll be an eternal couch surfer.

This weekend I went to a lot of parties. It started with Thursday night when I went to a friend's rooftop party. Fireworks were going off all over the city. We had a panoramic view and everything. Saturday I went to another party at a different friend's. They have this amazing old willow tree in their yard that someone built a tree house platform in. People kept climbing the tree but I knew better: drinking plus climbing equals brain bleeding. Saturday my friend had a little bbq and that probably was the best party of the weekend. There was only eight of us total, four sets of couples actually. Maybe it was better because I knew everyone and we all just sat around on the lawn eating, drinking and listening to music, so it was rather chill. I like observing couples, especially in different stages. Couples body language differ from being together forever to have just started seeing each other. It's interesting. I wanted to go to Michigan on Sunday, but that just didn't happen. I really want to go up there and explore the beaches. I need to go somewhere. I hate not being able to travel. I wish gas prices wouldn't be holding me prisoner.

So, I have a lot on my plate right now. I have to move and I need to delve into writing assignments and start pitching ideas and I have social activities, etc. We're supposed to play another Saucony game tonight. I hope it rains so we can just play drinking games in the bar. I hate whiffleball. Tomorrow night I might DJ for the first time, which will be cool. I'm all for trying new things and going new places. More than anything right now, I need money. Money will solve a lot of my problems. Even if I have to temp for a couple of months, I should be okay. I'm signing up with another temp agency this week. I just wish those checks would come faster. This is what I get for not wanting to be "normal."